(Closed) Bridesmaid snub

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do in this situation?

    Do nothing, and try to accept it

    Come out and ask her why

    Go biserk

    Fulfill whatever duties are expected of you for the wedding, and afterwards don't keep in touch

  • Post # 62
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Ask her why.

    Cancel the party. Lose the deposits- what do you get out of going ahead with it? Nothing except losting more money on a friendship that is one sided.

    You don’t have to be mean about canceling it- just tell her you did it because you thought she didn’t have any bridesmaids and you wanted to help out. But since you are not in the greatest situation financially and she does have bridesmaids- you feel the appropriate action is to cancel the party. However if her bridesmaids would like to pay you for the deposits and still throw her the party that would be great. PUT THE RESPONSBILITY ON THE ACTUAL BRIDESMAIDS.

    Then I would seriously distance yourself from her. Find GOOD friends!

     

    Post # 63
    Member
    2606 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    View original reply
    @JaneDomani:  You don’t have to be mean about canceling it- just tell her you did it because you thought she didn’t have any bridesmaids and you wanted to help out. But since you are not in the greatest situation financially and she does have bridesmaids- you feel the appropriate action is to cancel the party. However if her bridesmaids would like to pay you for the deposits and still throw her the party that would be great. PUT THE RESPONSBILITY ON THE ACTUAL BRIDESMAIDS.


    Excellent advice!

    I wish the OP would come back and update us!!!

    Post # 64
    Member
    844 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    No offense, but if you haven’t already confronted her, you’re a push over and need to grow some…. gumption.  And thank your lucky stars you aren’t required to wear an ugly $300 dress.  Undecided

    Post # 65
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    View original reply
    @HappierKate:  But even if the situation did change I don’t think there’s any reason for the OP’s friend not to talk to her about it. If she was stuck with just those seven, she could’ve at least called the OP and explained the situation (since they are such close friends). Another option, if she was pigeon-holed into the decision to have these seven bridesmaids by her Future Mother-In-Law, for example, was to then ask the OP and say, “Hey, situation changed, love for you to be a bridesmaid!” And then the friend would have had eight bridesmaids and honored her word to the OP. Even if there were outside forces asking her to have the seven bridesmaid, the bride is still the bride and can at least make the decision to add one more – her friend. 

    Post # 66
    Member
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    It’s not even that she didn’t make you a bridesmaid..because I can understand not having enough money to have them. Everyone always thinks they’re best friends with so and so and then they get surprised when there are people before them. However, it’s the lying that is so uncool. I would definitely ask her about it for your own sanity. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Even more, she lied to you. She said she wasn’t going to have any bridesmaids…she said she was only going to have her cousin. I just can’t comprehend that…

    Post # 68
    Member
    7605 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Ouch, how hurtful.  I would cancel the party and eat the deposits as well.  Why spend $740 when you can spend $____ (however much the deposits are)?

    There is no way in hell I would host a lavish party for someone who lied to me and made me feel humiliated.

    Post # 69
    Member
    204 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I like the idea of seeing if the deposits can be applied toward a different event–one for your own family. 

    Between you feeling like you don’t want to spend a penny on her, your grandmother wanting to cancel, and your parents not wanting to spend so much, in the very least the party should be scaled back.  But since it’s still a few weeks away, it really is plenty of notice to cancel the party.  That’s what I would do. 

    I keep thinking about how your parents, grandmother, and you will have all these party details to worry about and work out over the next few weeks.  We all know how stressful all that can be, and I can imagine how much more stressful it will be to go through all that for someone who treated you like crap. 

    Then I think of your family and you all having to smile and act happy and be social during the whole party.  You’ll all have to talk to people about how happy you are for her, how great she is, your family history with her and her family…it’s going to be horrible for you all to have to do that while you know how she has treated you.  And, on top of that, you and your family are going to put yourself in a difficult financial position to do this?  No way.

    I know you are trying to be the bigger person and that you are having trouble abandoning your friendship instincts toward this girl.  But think about how your parents will feel having to host a celebration in honor of a woman who hurt their daughter deeply.  That will be very, very hard for a parent.  Don’t make them do that if they don’t want to do it.  Since they are really the hosts, let it be their call if they want to scale back or cancel.  And the decision should be based on what they feel is best for your family, not what is the nice thing to do for this woman.

    Post # 70
    Member
    803 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    View original reply
    @star_dust:  I agree, that’s why I think there may still need to be forgiveness even if there was no actual lying involved.  I’m just cautioning against jumping straight to the conclusion that she lied; this girl needs to be confronted and needs to give some answers, or else the friendship won’t survive a blow like this.  It could turn out to be something more understandable than lying and hoping she won’t notice 7 bridesmaids, is all that I mean.  No matter what, this friend didn’t handle things well at all, I’m in total agreement there.

    Post # 71
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    View original reply
    @Miss Apricot:  Yes!! Agreed. Explain that you no longer feel that it is your place to throw a party, and you’d hate to step on her bridesmaids’ toes!!

    Post # 72
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Not one but seven? Seven? Sorry but I would end all communication with her and you would have found out at some point do why did she lie at the start? Walk away. She doesn’t give a shit about you as she just slapped you in the face seven times, literally.

    Post # 73
    Member
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I voted ask her why, purely because the option “Tell her to go fuck herself” wasn’t listed.

    Post # 74
    Member
    530 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    @Irish-bride:  Haha thats awesome, I second that.

    Post # 75
    Member
    785 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Any update to this situation?  I’m dying to hear if she had an explanation.

    The topic ‘Bridesmaid snub’ is closed to new replies.

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