(Closed) bridesmaid stepped down, should I still invite her?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@DiamondnLovey:  You keep arguing back.  Our confusion was because you ASKED HER TO BE A BRIDESMAID.  You clearly don’t like her and are ready to dump the friendship so you will put that nail in the coffin if you don’t invite her.  Do what you want.  

Post # 33
Member
475 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@stardustintheeyes:  + 1000000

 

OP – It’s wrong. Completely wrong. You are making her seem like such a bad friend but if you had these issues with her in the past & it bothered you that much you would never had her as a bridesmaid. You should invite her, would it really ruin your day that much?

Post # 34
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@stardustintheeyes:  +1

OP you ASKED US if you should invite her! Why did you ask if you didn’t want any responses answering that question? Maybe you should have posted ‘I am not inviting this person, here is the situation, agree with my stance please! If you disagree don’t respond.’ Or better yet not post anything at all?

Post # 35
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

@Jacqui90:  I would say it’s not the best idea to ask the internet for only responses agreeing with you. Sure, you might get some. But needng approval from strangers isn’t always the best way to be lol. In this community you may not always get a bunch of “yes I agree!” comments or maybe you will. But you will always get honesty and a whole different range of responses. This kind of thread just baffles me.

Post # 37
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@DiamondnLovey:  It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. The Bees are giving you some good food for thought but if you are resolute that the friendship is over, do not invite her.

You cannot invite her and not her husband. I would invite them and if they choose not to participate, OK.

Post # 38
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@stardustintheeyes:  +1

@DiamondnLovey: 

Well you know what its my choice if I want to invite her. She has shown me no interest in wanting to be my friend. All she does is cancell on me and im tired of her excuses! All I hear from her is her money problems.
 

Well, that’s the end of that discussion right? 

Post # 39
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@DiamondnLovey:  I might be the only one, but it seems as if YOU are being the bad friend here. You asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I know, beating a dead horse, but at that time you WANTED her to be in one of the most special days of your life.

Now, because she cancells plans, you don’t even want her as a guest. This to me screams “attention seeking”

On top of that…. she has an abusive husbad which you admit. Firstly, you can not JUST LEAVE. If he is that controlling/abusive she might be scared for her life. Maybe you don’t pick that part up if all you focus on is “her complaining”, maybe she is reaching out for help and getting the vibe you seem “bored” with the conversation. Have you ever done any research on abusive relationships? They are PULLED AWAY from their friends by the abuser… and here you are, being selfish, stating “well, if you don’t keep plans with me I’m done with you” without any thought as to why she cancells.

If it is financial.. he may be controlling her money as well. She was not allowed out with the girls because men were there… and instead of seeing this as a “red flag”, you take it as “how dare she not come with me, I am not friends with her anymoe”

Sorry if this sounds harsh… but the way I have been reading your responses, this is what it seems is happening IMO

Post # 40
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@DiamondnLovey:  

Forgot to add:

she came to me one time and told she wanted out of her marriage because her husband is controlling and doesnt let her have friends. 

You said it here yourself… HER HUSBAND does not LET HER have friends… HELLOOOOO

Post # 41
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@JessSeny:  Agree one hundred percent!! Sounds like the OP is the drama queen here… and a really unsupportive friend.

Post # 42
Member
11268 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@DiamondnLovey:  is your date posted correct??  if it is, you have at least 6 months before you send out your invites.  why don’t you take that time to see how your relationship with her evolves or not.  there’s no need to make that decision now.

as for your friend’s negative attitude towards life, it sounds like she is totally unhappy and basically has nothing good or positive to say.  in fact, some people believe that they simply don’t deserve happiness so they live life in a negative state because of it.  be blunt with her and tell her that you’ve heard enough; if she is so unhappy, she needs to change it because she’s the only one that will.

Post # 45
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If one of my BM’s stepped down because of financial reasons, I would be asking my other BM’s to step in and help out with her costs so she could be in my wedding.  MY bm’s are my BEST FRIENDS, as they should be and I would do anything to help them stand in my wedding!!!!!!!

If you barely even talk and don’t want to invite her to your wedding then why in the world would you ask her to be your bridesmaid? 

Post # 46
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@DiamondnLovey:  you invited her to be a bridesmaid…THAT’s what makes us think you guys are friends.  I would still invite her.  Each relationship between husband and wife has different dynamics.  If you are a good friend, you’ll respect that.  Anxiety does awful things to people and makes them act in ways that others can not understand.  Be the better person/friend and be there for her and invite her to the wedding. 

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