(Closed) Bridesmaid Stress: Only Been Engaged Four Months!!!!

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
33 posts
  • Wedding: October 2016

You have to do what’s best for you — I went through this struggle of bridesmaids as well. You want your Chief Bridesmaid to be someone who is dependable, organized, and easily accessable… it does not sound like the second friend is that person. I would definitely pick the first girl. You can always have the second as a bridesmaid. The second friend should definitely understand. And if she doesn’t, then you have to reconsider the relationship you have with her… a true friend understands these things and should realize the wedding isn’t about her. You know? 

Post # 3
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

If choosing titles is this much stress why do it? Why do you have to call one a chief bridesmaid? Just call them bridesmaids and privately give a special thank you to the one doing most if the work. 

Post # 4
236 posts
Helper bee

livsylivs :  I stopped reading at the cousin who doesn’t like you…so, very early on. I went through drama and have decided on no bridesmaids. I feel like it will be the best decision I will ever make 

Post # 5
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Bridesmaids can be drama cant they.

i think.

Dont have your cousin you dont need to.

I think two chief bridesmaids is fine. Otherwise you need to decide in your heart who is closest to you.

Who do you ring when you need advice?

Post # 6
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

livsylivs :  Don’t have a chief bridesmaid. Just call them both bridesmaids.

As for your cousin (and anyone else rude enough to ask), learn the word “no”. “Sorry, no, I’ve already chosen my bridesmaids”. It certainly takes some cheek to ask, when she didn’t have you!

Post # 7
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

It seems like you are the one creating drama and you may have some unrealistic expectations going on as well. 

The cousin is an easy fix, if she asks just say no she isn’t a bridesmaid or are only have your closest friends as bridesmaids. 

As for your two friends well you seem to be picking a cheif bridesmaid (a silly title to me) based on who can do the most for you and your wedding. Your bridal party is supposed to be the people who have supported you in life to the point of you getting married and not who is willing to do all the tasks you want. 

Just have bridesmaids and lower expectations.


Post # 8
3444 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think it’s too early to start picking bridesmaids based on the wedding date you have listed. A lot can change between now and May 2017 (which would still be a year away from your listed wedding )

Save yourself the stress and wait to pick bridesmaids for now.

Post # 9
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would nix the cousin. Why have someone there who doesn’t like you? 

If your wedding is actually in 2018 I think it’s a bit premature to be picking bridesmaids at all. 

As for the chief Bridesmaid or Best Man dilemma, just talk to them both. I live overseas and when my best friend got engaged, it just didn’t make sense for me to be the maid of honour as I could only be there for the wedding. She picked another close friend who could help with the shower and hen’s, etc. 

It’s part and parcel of living abroad and I’m sure your friend will understand!


Post # 10
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Why do you need a chief bridesmaid? I have never even heard of them.. I am having five bridesmaids (no maid of honour) solely due to the fact that if I asked one person over another there would be hurt feelings. Some are excited to help with the wedding and some are less so, but all are just happy with being regular bridesmaids!

Post # 11
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I think you’re causing yourself unnecessary stress. Why chief bridesmaid? Isn’t that basically a MOH? And for what reason? Just because you expect her to do more work for you? That’s not what bridesmaids are for. The situation with your cousin, just don’t make her a bridesmaid, she doesn’t need to be just because she asked. The destination wedding suggestions from family, I’m sure everyone gets those, I did. When people hear “wedding”, they like to put their two cents in, if you don’t like the idea and want to stay nice just say “good idea, we’ll think about it” then change the subject. 

I don’t see how any of these are real problems, so maybe you’re getting overwhelmed with the planning. Step back, breathe, take a little break and do something non-wedding related and then get back at it.

Post # 12
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

The cousin is easy, just say no! If you aren’t friends and don’t get along already then there is going to be no love lost when you tell her that you’re just having a select few who are really close to you be in your bridal party.

I don’t think you need to stress over having a ‘chief bridesmaid’, just lose the title altogether and then nobody will be offended. I can see you already have the ‘bridesmaids arent there to help with the wedding’ comments – I think what you meant was you would be risking offending the friend who IS really into weddings and WANTS to help if you choose your friend who is overseas, I don’t think you meant you expected them both to do your bidding haha (j_jaye loves making this a huge issue on every single thread). 

Just make them both bridesmaids and let them know you’d love for them to be invovled only as much as they want to be, and you’re happy if they’d like to help and equally as happy if they don’t. Then nobody gets offended and you don’t have the stress of ‘choosing’ a friend.

Post # 15
1148 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

livsylivs :  I understand wanting to reward your friend’s enthusiasm by giving her a different title but I think you’d have less stress by omitting that title completely and sticking to just bridesmaids if you’re not having a maid of honor. It’s ok to make them all bridesmaids, having a new title like “chief BM” is completely unnecessary and can cause a divide in the wedding party, it’ll seem like you assigned a leader for your group. Good luck!

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