(Closed) Bridesmaid to bridesmaid – 'Could you just stop?!'

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

Oh, you’re the Maid of Honor?  Simple then.  You set the plans and communicate them.  No further consultation with this bridesmaid necessary.  She can participate in your plan or not, up to her.

Post # 5
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

acglandorf:  You should tell the bride to pay for it and then the bridesmaid will get it done professionally.  Exactly, say it like it is, you’re the leader.

Post # 6
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

acglandorf:  The whole baby shower on the same day as the bridal shower stinks. Really. 

There are PLENTY of little black maternity dresses out there that don’t cost an arm and a leg and look great, so she really has no room to complain there.

I’d maybe go towards having a two stage bachelorette where you all have dinner then go out to the bars because then she can participate for the dinner and bow out for the bar hopping if it’s too much. I know that I poop out after 9 pm most nights, and it’s rare that I’m able to keep going after that (I’m 31 weeks along now). It’s also good to have food before everyone goes bar-hopping in the base case.

 

Post # 7
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I was with you until you said the bride wants your hair done professionally (but isn’t paying for it…?)

Post # 8
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

All the pregnant people I know have always gone to the dinner before the bachelorette party and didn’t participate in the festivities.

I don’t know what you can do about this but these types of people can be difficult

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Ugh! What a pain. 

Next time she’s complaining about the bachelorette party, you could say something like “hey, I know it’s going to be tough for you to get around and stand that long, etc. So if you want, you could sit this one out. We won’t mind.” And if she counters, say something like “look, bride only gets one bachelorette party. If you aren’t able to go along with the rest of the plan, then it would be best for you to sit this one out.”

Maybe you could have dinner before the bar so she could come, then tell her she’s not obligated to go to the bar, etc. Tell her it’s ok if she is dressed different for the bachelorette party. Maybe head to toe black instead of a dress?

So next time, really, just try to put things in perspective for her. Say “look, we get that your pregnant, and we’ll try to accommodate you when we can, but this is about bride. If you can’t participate or be supportive, then maybe you could skip the bar/shower/etc.”

I think it’s absolutely rude to plan her baby shower the same day as the bridal shower. But, usually, baby showers are planned by other people. Maybe she didn’t have much say in it? 

I always try to kill people with kindness. If that fails, then be blunt. 

Post # 10
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

acglandorf:  Honestly, whenever a bride wants professional hair and/or makeup done for a wedding, I think it’s better for the bride to pay for it. If it’s optional, then the bridesmaids can pay for it or do their own hair.

Post # 13
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Proper etiquette states if the bride wants professional hair and/or makeup, she must pay for it. This chick has a baby on the way and is clearly trying to save money. Give her a break on that one. 

Post # 15
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee

acglandorf:  She probably does know, but just wants to save money because she has a little one on the way. Babies are expensive. If the bride is expecting/demanding extra money be spent on professional hair, then she should be paying for it. She can’t have her dream wedding at someone else’s expense. Let the hair thing go unless the bride is willing to pay for it.

Honestly, you should have mentioned something to the Bridesmaid or Best Man earlier. Now it’s just gotten to the point that it’s routine for her to whine about everything. She can’t exactly stop something she isn’t aware she’s doing in the first place.

As the Maid/Matron of Honor, I would plan everything on your own (taking all budgets into consderation) and if she wants to be included, she can be. If not, whatever, that’s fine too. Tell her what the exact schedule is for the night of the bachelorette party, that it’s non-negotiable and that you’d love for her to participate as much as she is comfortable to do so, but that nobody will be offended if she needs to leave early. When she brings up her wedding, say something like, “That sounds like it would have been fun, but let’s get back to discussing bride’s big day because it’s coming up fast and before we know it, we’ll run out of time to organise anything.”

As for the shower thing…I have no words.

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