Post # 1
So, i was talking to one of my bridesmaids, and BEST friend since i was 7 years old, and somehow it came up that she would not be giving me a wedding gift. She told me that she will be spending more than enough money on me, and that should be enough.
I know gifts are not expected – especially, you would say, from your bridal party. But, I have been in a bridesmaid three times and I’ve always given a bigger gift than I would normally because I felt that I was close to that person.
I brushed it off and tried to be as polite as possible and told her that I will love her card that will make me cry then haha. But – I really feel hurt by this! I know some of you might say im a brat, but I could never not get her a gift if she got married – I cant see how she could already plan – a year in advance – to not get me one!
its not that i want a gift even.. its like i want a gift from HER…shes my best friend 🙁
I havent said anything to anyone, not even her – do you think I should? Am I silly to feel this way?
Post # 3
I don’t think you should say anything to her (no real way to without coming off badly), but I understand why it hurts a little that she said that. That sucks.
Post # 4
Ouch! I’m sorry, I think that’s super rude. I would never say to a bride (especially if I was a BM) that I was spending enough money on them and their wedding so I wasn’t going to buy them a gift. That girl has guts! I have no idea what kind of advice to give you but I just wanted to give you big hugs. What a awful thing to say! Especially as you’re so close.
Post # 5
I completely understand how you feel, and I think a lot of us would feel this way. However, I don’t think you can really say anything to her. Vent here on the WB but keep your mouth shut. It could be a VERY hard time for her financially right now, and I think looking back on the wedding a few years from now she will realize that she was mistaken.
The important thing is that she will be there in person to share your special day.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t confront her about it, but I understand why you’re upset. Has she been in or to many weddings? Maybe she thinks it’s normal for the Bridal Party not to buy gifts, which is certainly not the case!
I have never been in a wedding other than my sister’s, and I of course got her a gift. Fiance is in a wedding this year and we actually plan to get a bigger gift than we normally would since it’s a close friend!
Post # 7
Wow. I’m sorry. I totally understand why your upset but I don’t think you can say anything. I mean its such an awkward situation.
Post # 8
Boy, that was a little rude of her, just saying it like that. It seems to me that if she said, “I would love to get you an extravegant gift, but with the costs of being a part of the wedding, I don’t think I will be able to and I really hope you don’t mind,” you wouldn’t have minded.
By The Way, your response was excellent. You are a nice gal. This was just an unnecessarily hurtful way for her to tell you this, and I’m sorry for that.
Post # 9
This has happened with my Maid/Matron of Honor. She has told me that she cannot afford a gift for showers we will get a small wedding gift. However, she told me this right after she told me she spent $50 on a new pillow, and spent the night in a hotel because she just “needed some time by herself” no I’m no money expert but f it was me (and it has been) I would be making some sacrifices so I could give my best friend a gift. (I totally know where you are coming from 🙁 )
Post # 10
I don’t think you can really say anything to her, but that is rough. Maybe she is just really broke and wanted to prepare you so you weren’t expecting anything. Some people just view gifts as “money,” so maybe she’s not thinking of the potential sentimental value behind it.
I am with you though, I would never agree to be in a wedding but not give the bride, my friend, a gift (even if it was small).
Post # 11
I know a lot of my bridesmaids probably wont get me gifts for various reasons and I’m ok with that, but for one of them to blatantly state that they’re not going to get me a gift a year in advance is SO rude and I would totally be hurt! She could have kept that to herself or said it in a nicer way! All you can really do is blow it off, which you did. Good for you for being the bigger person 🙂
Post # 12
Yes, this is actually the first bridal party shes ever been in and im pretty sure she has been to little if any weddings. actually the reason is came up – is because she asked ME if she was supposed to get me a gift! HA! i didnt know what to say, i just said “well, i have always got the bride and groom a gift when i was a bridesmaid, thats all i can say” – she stunned me! she is a very blunt person, but she is friends with most of my other bridesmaids, why would she ask ME that question!! 😮
Post # 13
Although I personally would not be hurt if one of my bridesmaids didn’t give me an expensive physical gift (our wedding will require some expensive travel arrangements, in addition to all the usual costs a Bridesmaid or Best Man would need to give), I do think it’s a little odd that she told you in advance. She could have written you a nice card, wrapped up a frame with a photo of the two of you, and be done with it. I agree with the PP that you probably shouldn’t say anything to her …
Post # 14
Being a bmaid is so expensive. I don’t think you should have that expectation of her to get you a big present too. I mean, you either want her as a bmaid or you want her gift. Take a step back for a minute. A gift from her should be a low priority.
Post # 15
Exactly! She was the same way kind of, she just got back from a trip to Puerto Rico when she told me this haha… Im sorry this happened to you too! Its not a good feeling at all. poo.
I think you’re right – if she worded it that way I probably wouldnt have minded. Oh well, i love her – but she’s a very blunt lady haha.
Post # 16
Just to clarify I never said anything about expecting an EXPENSIVE gift – thats ridiculous and rude. I wouldnt expect that of anyone. What I was hoping though was that my best friend would want to give me some sort of thoughtful gift on my wedding day – if the gift was $10 or $100, i would be just as happy. This is not about the “gift” this is about my best friend telling me she is not getting me a gift. If that makes no sense to you, I cant really explain it any further.
I would have thought a framed photo of the two of us was very thoughtful and would have cherished it. Againm this is not about that I want an expensive gift…