(Closed) Bridesmaid told me she is TTC…what should I do?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I keep her as a bridesmaid?

    Yes, you can't un-ask someone to be a bridesmaid

    No, you can politely explain why she can't be a bridemaid

    Other option (please explain below)

  • Post # 137
    Member
    788 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  No problem. I think it’s a good idea to just wait and see. Some people get pregnant right away…some people don’t. Planning a wedding has a lot of stresses that come with it, no need to make this an added stress right now before you even know what the outcome will be.

    Good luck with everything!! Your wedding will be wonderful and as long and you and your fiance are married at the end of the day then that’s all that really matters. 🙂

    Post # 138
    Member
    1396 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

     

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  I COMPLETELY understand girl!! No problem!

    Post # 140
    Member
    1316 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    MrsAK14:  I don’t think you sound harsh or bitchy. There’s a lot of details that go into our feelings about certain people that can’t be put into a forum post, and I of all people understand that. If many of these responders were in your exact shoes, I think they might feel stressed/annoyed too. I’ve had similar situations occur with my bridesmaid/FSIL and I wish SO MUCH that I had never asked her in the first place. The general consensus is that we should be honored that they said yes. I am honored that my Maid/Matron of Honor said yes because she is a dream friend….but my bridesmaid/FSIL, absolutely not hahaha. She has been a nightmare. It’s not that she’s done anything really awful…it’s that she’s done NOTHING at all. I’ll send her an email just to catch up (with nothing wedding related at all) and won’t hear back from her for a month with the excuse that she’s busy, can’t manage time well, and felt stressed because she’s “dealing with a lot”. Just try your best to be the bigger person and get through it….your wedding will be beautiful!

    Post # 141
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I agree with you and the other bees, it would rude and selfish to ask her to step down because might be pregnant at the wedding.  One of my close friends might be pregnant and I think it’s great.  I’m also having the bridesmaids all pick their own dress as long as it’s grey.

     

    In this situation, I really think you only have 2 choices since you aren’t asking her to step down.  1: pick a bridesmaid’s dress that fits everyone and will also accomodate the pregnancy.  2:  allow your pregnant bridesmaid to have a different dress to accomodate her pregnancy.  Many companies wil have various dresses in the same color so at least it could be the same color. 

    Post # 142
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Asking someone to be in your wedding is a gesture of friendship and love.  Why would it matter if she is pregnant or not?  If you cared about her you would be happy for her.  There are alot of beautiful dress options for pregnant women out there.  You shouldn’t expect a person to put their life on hold almost a year because you are getting married.

    Post # 145
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

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    MrsAK14:  not judging,  just giving advice from the way your original post sounded

    Post # 146
    Member
    1502 posts
    Bumble bee

    Wow you are getting tore a new one on this thread.  Some bees are so mean and arrogant with their “holier than thou” attitude that they justify because they blame the “bridezilla” tone of your OP — which is utter bullshit because they’re behaving no better than what they accuse you of.  

    Look I get how you feel.  When it comes to weddings emotions run high because we all plan on it being our only once in a lifetime moment.  The way this girl is talking down to you about your wedding choices and the fact that this girl isn’t even YOUR friend but your FI’s, I understand why you are so annoyed by her.  

    But don’t let her being TTC make you change your wedding vision.  Continue to plan it the way you desire, and if she does get pregnant then you guys can figure out her dress and what she can fit into.  Not all of your BMs have to be super matched with each other, and if she’s the only one looking different you could have her stand at the very end of the Bridesmaid or Best Man line so it’s not too obvious.  At the end of the day, all eyes will be focused on you and your Fiance and no one really pays that much attention to the BMs anyways.

    Post # 147
    Member
    812 posts
    Busy bee

    [content moderated for name calling] You clearly didn’t read her post. Here is my suggestion. Pick whatever dress you want. 4-5 months before the wedding see where she’s at. If need be find a similar dress  that compliments the other brides maids. I would also suggest as PPs said, ask if it may be too tiring for her. Tell her straight that the dj and ring are YOUR choice. Not hers and if she has a problem with this, she can shut up. It’s your vision. 

    [content moderated for snark, profanity directed toward other users]

    Post # 148
    Member
    6033 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

     

    MrsAK14:  at first I was going to tell you to get over your “vision” and realize that having your close friend is more important than you rvision and you’ll remember who was there over what was there in the end. However, upon reading your updates, I think I would have to tell her that while i’m super supportive of her plans for herself, I will not be planning my dresses around the POSSIBILITY of her being pregnant. Actively trying does not guarantee that she will be pregnant in any certain amount of time. I would simply suggest that you wait to order her dress until you see how things play out. chances are in 6 months she may still not be pregnant or she might be very pregnant, in either case that will dictate your next move. So for now, I would just let her know you are going to see how TTC goes for her and make a dress decision later.

    As for her unwanted opinions, simply stop talking to her about your wedding details in that way. problem solved, if you aren’t close to her this shouldn’t be hard to do.

    By the way, her being important to your Fiance and not you doesn’t make her less important as a bridesmaid. She should be equally important given that your future husband wants her there. So to me, that eliminates the option of having her step down to accomodate your vision. I only say that because it seems you justify treating her differently by saying repeatedly she isn’t “your” friend she’s your FI’s friend, but in reality whoever is important to him should be important to you because you love him.

    Post # 149
    Member
    366 posts
    Helper bee

    Personally I can see why you’re annoyed. I also have a bridesmaid who just told me she is TTC. 4 months after accepting, and they’ve been trying for a while apparently. She is one of my best friends and I wouldn’t ask her to step down, but in the back of my mind I was also worried about the dresses I had chose and everyone agreed on [including her].

    All I said to her was jokingly “Just don’t go into labor at my wedding!” I’m not going to put the added pressure on her to not get pregnant. She has fertility issues and so it will be hit or miss if she even gets pregnant before my wedding. So I’m trying not to worry about it.

    My main issue was why would someone make a commitment if they are currently trying to do something that could keep them from fulfilling it. If I committed as a bridesmaid to someone, I made that commitment and would do everything in my power not to have anything keep me from it. Surprise pregnancies happen of course, but to plan it is somewhat disrepectful to the person you made the commitment to if you have back out at the last minute or something.

    Especially if you are covering her costs, she needs to be respectful of that as well and should have mentioned TTC sooner. 

     

     

     

    Post # 150
    Member
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    There is no reason to order Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses TODAY.  I’ve always bought dresses maybe 4-5 months out from the wedding.  By then you will know if shes pregnant and how pregnant she is.  It’s still very far away and there are a million what-ifs.  My friend passed away last year while giving birth and another friend just had a child who was still born.  To you, your wedding is THE day.  To her, it is A day.  She shouldn’t frame her life around you.  If you want her there, let her be there, swollen feet at all.  If your “picture perfect vision of your big day” is going to be absolutely demolished by her pregnancy don’t have her there.  Don’t forget, 11 months from now any one of your BM’s could be pregnant.  It’s a little early to stress over the details, though.

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