(Closed) Bridesmaid told me she is TTC…what should I do?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I keep her as a bridesmaid?

    Yes, you can't un-ask someone to be a bridesmaid

    No, you can politely explain why she can't be a bridemaid

    Other option (please explain below)

  • Post # 166
    Member
    836 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    There are some really rude peoplein this thread. This site has been taken over by a wave of rude mean “women” it seems. Honestly, no wonder so many left.
    I truly hope that you find a good solution that accommodates everyone involved.

    Post # 167
    Member
    1749 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think you are being rude or selfish at all OP! This is your wedding and your day and it should go as you like it. I would not be offended if I were the Bridesmaid or Best Man trying to get pregant. Especially since you aren’t particularly close.

    If you still wanted her to be in the Bridal Party and asked her to put off TTC in order to be in your wedding that would be totally different.  

     

    Post # 168
    Member
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My sister-in-law told me the same thing (she was one of my bridesmaids) and asked how I felt if she would be heavily pregnant at the wedding and if I wanted her to step down as a bridesmaid…..my reaction was “unless there is a reasion you would be more comfortable stepping down why in the world would I care that you are pregnant?”. She bought extra fabric from the bridal store to alter her own dress since it didn’t come in a maternity style (which I don’t think she even needed to do) and was by far the most helpful and awesome bridesmaid. I don’t see one legitimate reason why you should ask her to step down.

    Post # 169
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  I don’t know how you manage to reply with so much patience to all the “holier than thou” replies! Geez people who do that, OP asked for advice, she knows about all the stuff you’re throwing at her in your sermons, give her a break!

    I think that the problem in your case is that you are kind of impeded in your planning from all sides. Your Fiance kind of imposed this Bridesmaid or Best Man on you, and now you can’t even plan the bridal party, because you might have to change everything IF she gets pregnant (as she is not now, there is no way to know how advanced she’ll be at the wedding, if pregnant at all). I was the least fussy bride (we didn’t even have a bridal party), but I can understand how you feel, and not making you feel bad about it.

    I don’t know the solution, and your Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t even seem to be willing to help you come up with a dress idea for her… that is a bit annoying. I guess you can ask her what she would like to do about it, and also, maybe your other Bridesmaid or Best Man could have their dresses fitted, and she could have a different dress in the same fabric if she is heavily pregnant?

    I hope you find a solution! 

     

    Post # 170
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee

    I can respond to this as it has happened to me – I was asked if I would be more “comfortable” stepping down as a bridesmaid as I was due to be four months pregnant. I didn’t see the red flags and naively said that I would be fine and would pay to alter the dress if need be. This was followed by a text which said the other person wanted to sell the dress after the wedding so it could not be altered. I finally got the message – I had been sacked.

    we’ve never gotten over it. I have worked hard to try and understand her reasons for not wanting me in her bridal party but it still stings, particularly given it should have been such a happy time for both of us.

    Only risk this if you don’t care what happens to the friendship and don’t care what people (not just strangers on the Internet) may think of you. 

    Post # 173
    Member
    3163 posts
    Sugar bee

    I read that she’s your FIs friend so I think your reaction makes sense somewhat. I bet if it was your best friend you would feel less stressed. Since she’s not your friend I would give her the option to bo-out guilt free. I would just say I understand TTC is a really important time and you understand if she would prefer focussing on that 100%. Some people say readings and stuff like that are consolation prizes but I don’t agree. I know people who would prefer to MC or do a reading and forgo the stresses of being on show in a bridal party. If that’s not the route you want to go down than all you can do is let it go, let her do her thing, and be happy for her. Since you want matching dresses then let the other BMs choose something they like and then have her pick something that matches as closely as possible in fabric and detailing. It can be done; I’ve seen bridal parties with a pregnant Bridesmaid or Best Man and dresses that closely matched back. Good luck, OP

    Post # 174
    Member
    697 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I agree with what EDubbs said. If you would prefer that she stand down, the only way to do it tastefully would be to wish her a happy and healthy pregnancy and tell her that you are not mad at her, but you just wish you had have told her when you asked. You just don’t want being a bridesmaid to be unnessary stress for her during her time of pregnancy or trying to get pregnant. I do agree that asking her to stand down would be a bit insulting though just for that, which you are obviously aware of. Would you be okay with just picking a colour for your bridesmaids dresses and a style and then asking your bridesmaids to get them separately? This way they can get a dress based on what looks best on each of them based on their body. You can just request that they send pictures of options that they like for you to approve. Both my sister and my brother did that at their weddings and they were black tie and it looked great! I think that might be a good alternitive for you based on this situation. It’s actually a very popular thing to do where I live too (I’m from Toronto, Canada).

    As for her inputs on the prices on your vendor choices, I would just shrug them off. That is her opinion, but ultimately it is your choice as it is your wedding. It’s not her place to be saying stuff like that and honestly that would annoy me too.

    Good luck and I hope that you can sort all of this out without causing any damage to the relationship!

    Post # 175
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee

    If she’s your fiancés friend why not ask him to talk to her? I had an issue where a family member of my fiancé was pushing to be a bridesmaid (have never met or talked to her as she doesn’t live in the country). I told him as I only had 2 bridesmaids it will be awkward having a stranger there, would rather she didn’t, and asked him to take care of it. He did.

    11 months is so far away – maybe have everything ready to order (sizes, colour, style etc) but wait 5-6months. For me anyway, the dresses won’t arrive until 8 weeks before because they should only be altered a few weeks before the wedding anyway. Maybe by then you’ll have a clear picture of how large she’ll be and if she’s pregnant she may realize how tired she may be?

    Post # 176
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee

    Also if she wants to be in the wedding party and you’re paying for the dresses anyway pick whatever you want and let her deal with it. Other people have said the pregnant ladies make it work if it’s important for them to participate.

    Post # 177
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    MrsAK14 I had sort of this same issue. about the same time frame. its rude of her to not let you know earlier on that these were her plans. most couples know of these when thinking of the future. My fiances sister in law told me of her plans the week before dress shopping and refused to order her dress then because she didnt know what size she would be, when the dresses we wanted are empire waist and can be easily altered! its annoying to have to accomidate your bridesmaids, when they should be accomidating you and making sure youre going to get what you want! this is about you, not her and her pregnancy potentially.

    Post # 178
    Member
    2211 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  I didn’t read all 12 pages, so maybe this has already been suggested, but I’m going to say it anyway:

    If she was asked to be a bridesmaid for your FI’s sake, you should wash your hands of the situation and let him deal with it.

    That being said, having a potentially pregnant bridesmaid is not the end of the world.  If it so happens that she’s super pregnant at your wedding, she can find a way to make her dress fit, or you (as a couple) can allow her to wear a different dress in the same color.  Not a biggie, IMO.

    Post # 179
    Member
    1245 posts
    Bumble bee

    My pregnant bridesmaid went into labor the morning of my wedding (6 days) early. I was engaged for 2 and half years. I knew they were going to start trying but they got pregnant quicker than expected. I was nothing but EXCITED for her. We picked a dress that complimented the other girls and would flatter her big belly. I was proud to have her still commit to the wedding even with the baby coming. 

    She missed the ceremony and her father (my Minister) made jokes through the whole thing about how we might keep him from witnessing the birth of his GrandBaby, but I woudln’t have had it any other way. Now, even though my Ex and I aren’t together, I will never forget that boy’s birthday! 

    I don’t see the big deal…. 

    Post # 180
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

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