(Closed) Bridesmaid told me she is TTC…what should I do?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I keep her as a bridesmaid?

    Yes, you can't un-ask someone to be a bridesmaid

    No, you can politely explain why she can't be a bridemaid

    Other option (please explain below)

  • Post # 32
    Member
    6414 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    MrsAK14:  I can’t see why she would have an issue; there is no point getting her dress now when you have no idea if it will fit when the time comes. It makes much more sense to order everyone else’s now, and order hers as near to the date as possible (if you order about 3-4 months before that should be enough time, and then you will know what style and size to get eg if she is already pregnant you will know to order a maternity dress, if she isn’t, a regular dress in the next size up should be fine (to allow a bit of lee-way if she does get pregnant between then and the wedding). But ordering now makes zero sense, and I’m sure she’ll understand that, just explain it to her and make sure to still include her when you go to try on dresses/give her the same level of input as the other bridesmaids (if you’re giving them input) 

    Post # 33
    Member
    9179 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

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    MrsAK14:  Firstly her decision to have a child has zero to do with you which is why she felt no need to inform you straight away that her and her partner were deciding to ttc. She does not need to clear it with you and it is very entitled of you to think she does.

    You ask people to be bridesmaids because of the relationship, in this case your FI’s relationship, with the person and not because of their physical condition.

    Quite frankly imho anyone who chooses a vision over a person has their values screwed up.

     

    Post # 35
    Member
    1289 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    [content moderated for snark]

    Post # 37
    Member
    2427 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

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    MrsAK14:  First, I just want to point out that not every couple TTC is completely open about their plans (for many reasons). In no way did she HAVE to even tell you she was TTC. I think it says a lot about her character as a friend to open up to you and let you know the possibilities that she could/would/may be pregnant during your wedding. I like what 
    View original reply
    KBelle12: said about considering maybe she was looking for an out from her bridesmaid duties because she does not want to be pregnant on your big day.

    I think you need to relax and let things play out as they will. My sister got engaged about a year ago and then set a wedding date for July; this entire time we have been TTC. I definitely let her know our situation and was worrying myself sick that I might have been heavily pregnant and not able to travel for my own sister’s wedding. She took the high road and kept telling me “we will cross that bridge when we come to it.” I think you should take some similar advice and stop worrying about the what if’s.

    I also think it is absolutely ridiculous that you would ask someone to be a bridesmaid in your wedding and then have such a “vision” that your dresses cannot accommodate someone pregnant. There is a great chance that she won’t be that far along and be able to fit in the dress, and anyway….I personally (and know many others) who would buy the dress a size or two bigger for the chance that we might be pregnant and then if not, have it altered.

    OP, I think you should consider yourself lucky to be let into their TTC plans and just honestly, let it go.  

    Post # 40
    Member
    584 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

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    MrsAK14:  I think you’re getting a hard time here, honestly. I think your tone comes off a bit brash, but when I tried to take your emotions out of the equation and just focus on the issue at hand, here’s what I see.

    1. Your Fiance asked you to include someone you aren’t particularly crazy about in your wedding party.

    2. This person is already trying to direct you on how to plan your wedding, how much things should cost, etc.

    3. You asked her to be a bridesmaid, and that would have been the ideal time for her to tell you that she is TTC.

    4. You are annoyed not because she is TTC but because she waited until everyone has begun settling on dress styles to announce her plans, which takes you back to square one.

     

    I think I have this mostly right. Really, if I were you I would probably ask her if she would be more comfortable committing to a reading in lieu of being a bridesmaid, as she isn’t sure how far along she will be, etc. I think you would have probably been better off asking your Fiance if she could do this instead of being a member of the wedding party, but obviously there’s no magic time machine that can take that back now. 

    Some bees will tell you that since you asked, you’re stuck with her. However, I think that you can do whatever will make the process go smoothly. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    211 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    This is ridiculous. my bridesmaid is due ten days after my wedding. We found a nice dress that will fit her that everyone is wearing. I’m only happy that she still wants to be in my wedding nine months pregnant. I think you need to get over yourself. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    9179 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  You have said numerous times in this thread that you don’t understand her not telling you and in your words “I just feel like as she is being a little inconsiderate” so sorry yes you are being entitled about her private business.

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