(Closed) Bridesmaid told me she is TTC…what should I do?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I keep her as a bridesmaid?

    Yes, you can't un-ask someone to be a bridesmaid

    No, you can politely explain why she can't be a bridemaid

    Other option (please explain below)

  • Post # 61
    Member
    5152 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:   Wait and see if she gets pregnant. Your wedding is 11 months away and you do not need to buy dresses this far in advance. I would let her know that you can play it by ear. If she ends up pregnant immediately/in a few months, calculate the due date and see where it falls. Then be open with her and give her the option of dropping out or just attending as a guest. If shes going to be 9 months/due right around your date – I’m sure she would say no.

    I do think if she’s going to be 7-8 months pregnant at the time, you need to be a little bit more flexible with the dress. I’m sure there’s a maternity version / similar dress that will accomodate her.

    Post # 63
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Just find a dress by the same designer same color maternity version. It’s entirely possible as I had to do it for a wedding I was in. 

    Post # 64
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  

    I work as a dress consultant at a bridal store and I have many many pregnant bridesmaids, and yes bridesmaids who will be 8-9 months pregnant. It’s one thing if your friend turns down your invite but you just don’t want her now because she’s preganant?

    I think you should reconsider especially since it would be completely possible for her to still be a bridesmaid. 

     

    Post # 65
    Member
    1316 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  You definitely can’t ask her to step down because she is TTC. That will reflect really poorly on you, and if this is a friendship you want to keep, it will probably ruin it. You mentioned that you were surprised she even accepted when you asked – are you not that close?

    While you can’t ask her to step down and you can’t ask her to not TTC, you CAN and SHOULD sit down with her in person and have an honest conversation about things. You should ensure that she feels she is in a position to handle this and make sure that she can find a way to have your chosen dress altered to fit a pregnancy bump. You can give her an out of the bridesmaid role, but if she doesn’t take the out, then you have to live with that and can’t ask her to step down. There’s also no guarantee that she will be super pregnant at that time – she could be TTC for a while even if her first shot was a breeze. She wasn’t even required to share her TTC plans with you, so I think you probably should let her take responsibility for the situation (but you have to make your expectations clear so she can make a decision with all of the available information).

    I think another thing you should discuss with her at this little meeting is how you feel about some of her comments about your wedding decisions. I agree, it’s not her place to judge your wedding budget, but you have to determine if these feelings are stemming from that or the TTC announcement. She may also be making those comments because she feels you are putting too much in one area and not enough in areas that would help her out (like paying for the dresses, shoes, hair, etc.) Again, absolutely not her place to determine, but that could explain where the issue is coming from.

    Post # 67
    Member
    2968 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  I would ask her how she feels about still being a bridesmaid with her potentially being pregnant. Show her the dresses, and ask her how you will decide on a size and style if she is pregnant during the wedding. Let her figure it out. It could be that she is telling you because she is looking for a way out, but like you, she is having a difficult time bringing it up to you…

    I wouldn’t ask her to step down. If she wants to be a bridesmaid you will all figure it out as the time comes. Like you said, the wedding is still 11 months away and theres nothing you can do about it, so don’t stress it. 🙂

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  MissJulianna.
    Post # 68
    Member
    2689 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    sigh…. do people like this really exist!?

    Post # 69
    Member
    2689 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    llussier:  ugh, I love seeing baby bumbs in dresses!!!! <3

    Post # 70
    Member
    1039 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  I think you need to tell her you are supportive and add that you realize this might change things as far as dress sizes etc. so if she could keep you updated if anything changes, you’d really appreciate it. This is a slippery slope – I can see your concerns are legitimate sicne they do affect you logistically, but I can also see how your concerns might be perceived as being negative.

    Then again, your wedding is 11 months away..if she gets pregnant in the next few months, you guys can sit down and talk about the dress, whether she feels comfortable still being at the wedding or if she wants to be a guest since she would have just had the baby. I’d leave that decision up to her.

    Post # 71
    Member
    2092 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Your wedding is a year away, this girl is not pregnant at this very time. Some people are unable to become pregnant for quite a while after TTC. I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself and need to just let this sit on the back burner for a few months. This should not be something you need to worry yourself about and become so annoyed and frustrated with. Trying for a baby is a happy time in a couple’s life, just as getting married is. If your Fiance is friends with her and wants her in the wedding party, then I would be respectful to his wishes and keep her as a bridesmaid. Should she become pregnant within the next few months then you and your Fiance could start coming up with a polite way to give the girl an option to bow out if it’s too much stress on her. 

    Post # 72
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    MeandMyLouboutins:  

    I do to I personally love helping dress pregnant bridesmaids they always looks so cute 😀

    Post # 73
    Member
    943 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  Here’s a suggestion – GET OVER YOURSELF. If she is truly your friend, and still wants to be in your wedding, find a dress that will acommodate her. 

    Post # 75
    Member
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    MrsAK14:  I just read this entire thread and man there is some bashing going on!  

    My sister told me after I got engaged that she was thinking of TTC.  I flat out told her “do it right now or wait!!”  Now that may sound bitchy but it was a very light hearted laughing conversation.  I wasn’t concerned about the dress as much as I wanted her to be comfortable and have a good time (ie be able to drink and party with me!).

     If I were you, since you have a year I would definitely wait and see what happens.  You could talk to her or have your Fiance talk to her just to make sure it won’t be too stressful for her to be in the wedding. If she is still excited to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man then just hold off on ordering her dress.  

     

    I know you don’t like mismatched dresses but because my BMs are all different shapes and sizes I found a designer, color and material and told them to get any cut they like using that criteria (using same length for all too).  It has worked out great so far. They will be mismatched but not entirely.  The pictures above that have the preg Bridesmaid or Best Man in them, if it were me wearing that dress and not preg I would totally look preg. I can’t wear an empire type waist at all!  

     

    I would just get the dress you want for the rest of the girls and order her dress closer to time when you really know what is going on. Don’t add more stress for yourself right now.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by  cookiebird.

    The topic ‘Bridesmaid told me she is TTC…what should I do?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors