Post # 1
Before I start let me just say I am the easiest going bride, I did not want a wedding my fiance did, so I am doing this for him. I keep up with my girls lives because they are my best friends but rarely talk about wedding things unless it is important. out of 5 I only have a small problem with one. I get married september 13 and I think one my bridesmaids is too big for her dress. I went to the store with my maid of honor and we picked out the dresses on a whim but they were all very stretchy maxi dresses, I bought them at a mall store for $35 bucks each. My maid of honor took the last large but I was assured it was available online by sales associate. The dress was fairly new so it wasnt on the website yet. Worried that my fourth bridesmaid wouldnt have a dress, My maid of honor gave Lisa my bridesmaid her dress and paid $200 for another. Lisa said was okay with large and when the dress finally came up online,I let her know the XL was available and gave her the option of switching sizes since I had receipt so it would be free anyways. (Not that she even paid my Maid/Matron of Honor for the dress anyway) She never answered back, but she had said she was going to lose weight this summer so I didn’t want to hassle her about it if that was what her plan was.after 5 months unfortunately she has gained weight and other friends have said that she is uncomfortable with the dress and that it does not fit her. Lisa rarely attends or gets involved with wedding things, She attended my bachelorette party but she did not seem to enjoy it, and bashed my Maid/Matron of Honor for getting me free entrance to strip club afterwards(Lisa did not go but it was optional I am not too fond of strips either). We used to work together until a week ago and have known each other since kids. She complained to coworkers that I didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid, and when I did (I waited a while to ask anyone) she seemed excited. Anyway she rarely replies to anything wedding related and since she has not said it upfront to me I try to let her know that I understand and that we can fix this by mentioning things on a status on our facebook bridesmaid group like making sure they know they have the option of wearing a valero on top or jacket, they can contact me about going to the seamstress if any alterations needed like adding or cutting material and they get a really cheap deal like $20 cheap because I know her.Lisa makes $51,000 a year,lives with her parents, no bills so yes all her income goes to her, money should not be an issue at all. When I make the status it goes to all the girls so no one is singled out and a couple of them contacted me about hems and other alterations but Lisa has not although it says she viewed the status and sometimes she even likes them but does nothing else. she is the only one that never replies but the one who keeps complaining to others that it does not fit, What do I do?
I also want to add that I am not angry at her for gaining weight just upset that she will not talk to me about things. I recently lost 50 pounds and I know it is hard to do, I am not going to suggest she lose weight but I wish she would say something or reply back so we could get a bigger dress or find a solution I just want her to be comfortable. Also she is not the biggest one of the bridesmaids, my Maid/Matron of Honor is bigger than her.
This topic was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by snina8916.
Post # 2
To be honest, there’s not a whole lot you can do here without singling her out and probably embarrassing her over her weight. If the dresses are only $35 you could always buy the XL now and keep it in reserve in case she needs it (you can return it if she doesn’t). My guess is that she is in denial and is putting off thinking about it for as long as possible. You could potentially ask for people to send through photos of them in their dresses (because you want to double check dye batch colors or length or some other excuse) to force her to try it on and deal with the problem. Then you at least have an excuse to follow up with her about alterations or a new dress.
Post # 3
what does the fact that she makes 51000/yr have to do with this? kinda odd that you know the exact amount and even posted it in the 1st place. it seems like you’re “counting her money”. Dont. She might make that much but isnt willing to spend more than a certain amount on wedding related things.
Post # 4
Stop using Facebook to communicate. Talk to her in person, in private, about it.
Post # 5
aussiemum1248: I definitely agree with this comment.
OP you don’t have to call her fat, but you should talk to her not necessarily about her weight but the fact that she’s uncomfortable with the dress she will wear on your wedding day. If she can’t fit in it, what’s going to happen? She’s not going to be in the wedding? She’s going to ignore you? One way or another, this has to come to a head, and I would suggest sooner rather than later. I would talk to her in person about this, since weight is always a personal issue and try to get her feelings on this.
Post # 6
purrrbaby: I know this because she brags about it all the time but makes it seem like she is broke for anything wedding related which is less than the other girls even paid. What you said was obviously my point since I have been willing to spend alot more on stuff for her.
Post # 7
aussiemum1248: I have tried to talk to her about this in person as well but she always changes subject or pretends like our boss called her. We worked together up until a week ago so now she does not reply about hanging out, she is even missing our other friends birthday party
Post # 8
snina8916: just one thing, OP: she is not too big for the dress, the dress is too small for her. If you decide to talk to her about this, please mind your word choice. In one instance, you would be criticizing the dress (oh stupid dress, it’s too small, let’s get you another). In the other, you would be criticizing her (the dress is perfect, so your size is obviously the problem).
P.S. I’m really shocked that you bought a dress for someone without them being present, without them having tried it on (especially someone who is larger than average) and expected for things to turn out well.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
aussiemum1248: Totally agree with this.
snina8916: Something similar had happened to me only my Bridesmaid or Best Man ordered two sizes too small without me knowing. Her plan was to lose weight. I picked up the dress and thought nothing of it. When I got home I looked at the size and knew it was too small for her. I confronted her about it and she said she had a lot of time to lose weight, so I didn’t push it until the end of last month. I made her try on the dress knowing perfectly well that it would be much too small. I told her that I didn’t care what size she was – if she gained, lost, stayed the same weight. That was not why I chose her to be a bridesmaid. I wanted her in my bridal party because she is a big part of my life and I want her standing up there with me. It was exactly what she needed to hear – a little tough but very loving. It turned out she ordered another dress that is supposed to come in this week. I cannot say if this will be the best approach with your friend but have a heart-to-heart and be sensitive to how she is feeling.
Post # 10
I’m not understanding what this friend’s income and lack of bills to pay has to do with anything?
Post # 11
Overjoyed: I had my Maid/Matron of Honor whom is bigger than her Lisa by like more than 50 pounds to try on the dress and it fit great( very stretchy material) so it was a fair assumption which is why I bought it. I was already planning on wording it that way, as I do with all of the girls but thank you.
Post # 12
Ellicott: Obviously that money should be no object to her for the wedding especially when it is just $20 for alterations. (I am friends with seamstress) I mentioned it before anyone suggested her being broke or not having enough funds.
Post # 13
snina8916: This doesn’t make any sense. The Maid/Matron of Honor bought the size Large dress for herself and it fit great, but she weighs 50 pounds more than the BM? It certainly sounds like the dress isn’t too small for her, but more that she doesn’t like the dress you picked out for her to wear. If that’s actually the case, I’m not sure that her purchasing the XL solves this problem. Did you get your BM’s input on the style of the dress at all before purchasing it for her?
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Wow. I would be totally offended if you were talking about me. As a fluffy girl myself:
- Just because a dress is stretchy, doesn’t mean it’s flattering. Just because Maid/Matron of Honor weighs more doesn’t mean it’s proportioned the same.
- why are you talking to everyone else about it and not talking to her directly. That’s only more humiliating for her.
- I agree with Overjoyed: please don’t say she is too big for the dress. The dress just doesn’t fit her. You don’t just go to a seamstress to have it fixed if its too small. Store bought clothes typically do not have the material to let out.
- Wtf does her income, living arrangements and bills have to do with ANY of this? That’s just being judgemental and I don’t get why in the world you would even mention it!
Honestly do everyone a favor and either talk to her in person or call her, don’t text or Facebook and talk to her about it!!!!! Geez!
Post # 15
Overjoyed: I came here to say the same thing.
snina8916: You’ve said twice she is too big for the dress, rather than it being too small. I wouldn’t want to talk to you about it either if I heard you say something like that.