(Closed) Bridesmaid touble…

posted 7 years ago in October 2011
Post # 3
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@tink34: I think its a little strange that you are dictating what color their hair can or cannot be… Its your ONE day and I think it is wrong for you to dictate what color they can or can not have.

Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Did she just change her hair?  And it was otherwise “normal” before just recently?

Post # 6
Member
46334 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She is the person she is and you picked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

You don’t get to dictate EVERY detail of your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee

This does not sit well with me.

I had a bride recently tell me not to have tan lines, while I understand why, it’s summer and very hard to do without going to a tanning salon.

 

She’s a girl you picked to stand up for you, it shouldn’t matter what color her hair is…she’s still the same person.

Post # 8
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ummm seriously?  You can’t tell her what colour her hair can be…sorry.

One of our Groomsmen has a mohawk…do I like it? No…but I would never tell him to change his hair.

Post # 9
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh, I hear you… I have dark hair and all my other BMs have some shade of reddish brown or brown.  My one sister just informed me she’s bleaching her hair before the wedding and tanning.  She wants to be tan and blonde.  I tried to REALLY emphasize how much I like her current look, but she’s going to do whatever she wants to do.  I can’t really stop her, unfortunately. 

Post # 10
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011
Post # 11
Member
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

One of my bridesmaids is going to have purple streaks in her hair for my wedding. She let me know a couple of weeks ago, it took a second for me to be ok with it, but i realized that I love her for her crazy hair colors and all. I understand the desire for a sophisticated event, but your friend is who she is.

Post # 12
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Did you choose your bridesmaid to be your puppet or your friend? Because that isn’t the right way to treat a friend. As a friend, you need to accept her and love her, however she appears. You should feel proud to have someone who loves you standing up with you and supporting you. It’s like telling the fat girl to diet and get slimmer or the tatoo’d girl to cover her ink. Friendship shouldn’t be conditional on appearance.

Post # 13
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok, here’s my flame-worthy take on this…

I don’t think the OP has malicious intent. She’s not saying she doesn’t want to be FRIENDS with this girl or doesn’t value her friendship. She just doesn’t like her friend’s hair.  I personally wouldn’t dictate things like hair color, but I can see why some brides do it… 

For some reason, a LOT of BMs make changes in appearance like this right before the wedding.  To me, that can’t be justified as “that’s just who she is” if a girl always looks a certain way and then does something shocking right before the wedding. 

I went to one wedding where this girl decided to get a HUGE tattoo on her arm a couple days before.  She had bloody bandages that were visible in all the pics… Are you guys telling me that wouldn’t bother you?  It’s one thing if she had them due to an accident, but she planned this. She couldn’t have waited 2 days?  I went to another wedding where one of the BMs had always been pretty conservative/preppy, but then decided to get these braided dreadlock things and wear a huge hemp necklace on the day of the wedding, while all the other girls had updos and were wearing the pretty pearls the bride had given them.  Everyone was like “Wow, what’s up with Bridesmaid or Best Man So-and-so?!”

I honestly think it’s thoughtless when BMs do stuff like this and not something a good friend would do. Ot worse, it could possibly be jealous/ attention-seeking behavior.  I can see why it bothers brides. 

Post # 14
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@seven12: I think if my friend was suddenly doing something extremely out of character, I’d be more worried about her mental health than her appearance at my wedding. I know who the attention wh*res are in our group, and I intentionally did not select any of them to be in my bridal party. I love them all, but I am choosing to surround myself with calmness for the wedding, not their dramaz. So if one of my oh-so-not-attention-wh*rey friends went off the deep end, worry for her well-being would definitely win as my primary emotion.

And the OP’s friend has this hair now, more than a month before the wedding. That isn’t a day-before-the-wedding surprise or anything. Now if said friend is also acting a fool, starting fights with other BMs and such, that is behavior to be dealth with. I think it is perfectly reasonable to expect a friend to behave in a friendly and respectful manner. But expecting a friend to significantly alter her body to fit your (general) standards is going too far.

Post # 15
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

Hm. I agree with the question of “Was this a sudden change?” My Maid/Matron of Honor wanted to dye her hair, and I offered to do it for her… until we both realized it would be right before my wedding when we had the chance to do it. We both just laughed, and I told her I’d dye it before we left for our honeymoon.

However… I don’t think brides should dictate every detail… We have a crazy looking groomsman, and that’s okay. That’s who he is, and we love him anyway!

Post # 16
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@LoveKiss- I was just trying to make the point that a bride being unhappy with a BM’s appearance doesn’t necessarily make her a bad person or a bad friend.  How that information is relayed and how people are treated is a better indication of friendship IMO.

The topic ‘Bridesmaid touble…’ is closed to new replies.

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