Post # 1
I have a bridesmaid (college roommate) who, frankly, I shouldn’t have asked to be in my wedding. She was never supportive of my relationship with Fiance, she doesn’t approve of me getting married “young” (I’m 25?), doesn’t think that now is a good time for me to be getting married, doesn’t think I have my own life, doesn’t “believe in the necessity of marriage,” and doesn’t believe me that I’m happy. She isn’t coming to my bachelorette party because she doesn’t like feeling like she “has to be there” to “prove something.” She was upset when I started dating Fiance because we spent less time together, and things obviously haven’t gotten better from there.
I want my wedding to be a happy day, not one where I have to worry about her and all of her negativity. She hasn’t spoken to me since she texted me with all of the reasons why I shouldn’t get married, and I’m not sure what to do. I wouldn’t be upset if we weren’t friends anymore, she honestly brings more harm than good to my life. Do I ask her not to be part of my wedding?? If so, How do I go about it?
Post # 2
I’m really not sure why you made her a bridesmaid… Just text her back and say that if that’s the way she feels, then you do not think she should be a bridesmaid in your wedding.
Post # 3
She doesn’t sound like much of a friend. I say she definitely should not be a part of the bridal party. It sounds like she isn’t speaking to you anyway so not much of a loss there. If you do speak to her you should let her know that you have cut down on bridesmaids or don’t want someone there who isn’t supportive. She will probably be happy anyway….
Post # 4
Exactly what I was going to say!
If she doesn’t support your marriage, or relationship she certainly shouldn’t be a bridesmaids or even a guest at your wedding
Post # 5
Agree with PP, she just took herself out by letting you know she doesn’t support your relationship.
Post # 6
I know, it was a horrible mistake. I invited her out of obligation/ the assumption that she would be well behaved.
The strange thing is that she told me it means a lot to her to be invited to the wedding? It doesn’t make any sense…
Post # 7
Id call her and say “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said regarding marriage and my relationship. Since you feel that way, I am not comfortable with having you as my bridesmaid. I need my bridesmaids to support our marriage”. And leave it at that.
Post # 8
Here’s what I’m thinking of sending her (we mostly email/ text)
I have been thinking a lot about what you said about marriage and my relationship. It’s really important to me to be surrounded by people who really love me and Fiance and are supportive of our decision to be married. I know you’ve never been in favor of my relationship with Fiance. That has become more apparent lately and it’s making me uncomfortable to have you as a bridesmaid.
If you would like to come to our wedding as a guest, of course you would be welcome. Please just let me know”
Post # 9
It may be worth noting that the morning after she texted me all that, she wrote “Morning. Sorry about last night if I offended you with my questions. Just been worried about you since our phone call and clearly went about it the wrong way” (our phone call was about why she didn’t want to come to the bachelorette party).
I’m not sure that’s enough to make up for all of the negativity??
Post # 10
See what happens when you do things wedding-related out of “obligation”?
At this point I’ll be surprised if she even turns up to the wedding. I mean, that would be “expected of her” and she can’t have that now, can she?
I would ask her to step down and if she’s so unsupportive of your wedding and marriage, I wouldn’t even invite her as a guest. It’s disrespectful to your Fiance.
I see your wedding is in August so you still have a bit of time to replace her (if you feel you need to – you could always just go 1 bridesmaid short). I wouldn’t leave it any later though. You certainly don’t want any bad-blood ans negative energy any closer to your wedding day.
Post # 11
Nope. Not enough. I would change the line about her letting you know if she wants to attend as a guest. I would just say, Id love for you to attend still as a guest. And send her and invite and let her decide then.
Post # 12
Dump her. She is not worth it
Post # 14
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
MAYBE she knows something you don’t. Id ask that prior to dumping her