(Closed) Bridesmaid Trouble

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Every situation is different. You had the option to say yes or no- you said yes.

She has the option to say yes or no- she said no.

She is the best person to judge if she can afford to participate or not. Better she told you now, than if she kept stalling then bowed out months from now.

As far as what you should do, there is no rule that the wedding party must be equal in number on both sides. If you want it to be, ask someone else.

 

Post # 4
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

First off, welcome to the Bee!

It’s hard to deal with bridesmaids sometimes.  In the grand scheme of things, I do not think that the dress you picked out was really that expensive for a bridesmaid dress. I’ve heard of dresses more expensive than that.

Perhaps she is worried about finances with a baby on the way? I can understandn her wanting to put the baby first – its’ a lot of responsibilites.

Either way, you are not being unreasonable and I hope your situation works out!

Post # 5
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but maybe she agreed to join in because of what you did for her…and then financially it just WASN’T possible. I don’t think that dismisses your right to be upset. She had a wedding and knows what it costs to be a bridesmaid and could have been an adult and said no to begin with.

either way, alas you are where you are. If you REALLY want her there do you have the ability to spring for the dress for her?

Post # 7
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Agree with PPs, she had a choice and she said she can’t do it. Unfortunately, unless you’re willing to pay to cover her costs, that’s how it is. 

Post # 8
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think she’s already made it clear that she can’t afford your wedding – or at least that she doesn’t want to spend the money and/or time. It was really good and wise of you to offer her an “out,” and it was good of her to take the “out” if she couldn’t or didn’t want to do her Bridesmaid or Best Man duties. I’ve been on the Bee long enough to know that the last thing a bride needs is an unenthusiastic bridesmaid. I think this is for the best!

Post # 10
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@gosensgo8: Not crazy, but I think you need to keep it in perspective. This really is for the best. This way, you’re cutting out the potential drama now instead of putting it off until later, when you will not want it. I’m sorry you feel unappreciated, and it’s not impossible she doesn’t appreciate you, BUT! If she cannot be a good bridesmaid, then backing out now is actually the kindest, most considerate thing she could do for you.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

for me what i noticed is that you said she is 9mths pregnant so im guessing she has A LOT of things she is dealing with right now and her priorities are changing and this is perfectly normal.  although i would have been lovely for her to to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man the reality is her time and focus (and finances) are going to be elsewhere and she is doing the honorable thing by stepping back and saying she cant be in your wedding – be thankful she feels good enough about your relationship to be honest and save you future drama

Post # 12
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She didn’t say that you weren’t worth her money or her time. She said she can’t afford to be in your wedding party.

If you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in March, she would barely have been pregnant, if she even knew she was. Since then she has had to spend a small fortune preparing for the new baby.

You said “I want people in my wedding party who want to be there and I don’t want them regretting that decision.” Respect her decision and let it go.

Post # 13
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@gosensgo8: you cannot take this personally. Her financial situation, and her willingness to commit to the effort required of a bridesmaid, have absolutely nothing to do with her affection for you and how much she values your relationship. In fact I expect that, like other ladies have said, it has EVERYTHING to do with her new baby.

Post # 15
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If she is pregnant, I think she has a good reason to complain about money. Its just not the right timing. If it was before or after a baby/pregnancy I think it would be easier on her. She will need a lot of money and I’m sure that when I was in her shoes I felt the need to save money and only buy baby things. And I am the Maid/Matron of Honor at my sisters wedding and I was going to TTC this year but decided to wait till after because I want to give her my all and try to financilly help her as well as not have preggo brain around her and then TTC afterwards because I know if i was pregnant beetween now and next summer, I would probably do the same and this is my sister, who she chose me to be Maid/Matron of Honor. and she would understand because immediate family comes first.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, I’m just trying to show you a different perspective on things.

 

Post # 16
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

even if she had the money I know from personal experience there is no way I would have been able to be in a wedding and devote my time accordingly to being in a wedding while having just had a baby.   It takes a lot to coupe with recoverying from pregancy and just learning to be a new mother. and if she told you she cant be in your wedding all you can do is move forward regarless of if you were in hers or not. Having a baby is a big life chaning experience. and to boot if she cant affored it she cant affored it. sadly regardless if you were in her wedding or not she has a chioce to say yes or no and you just have to live with it even if it hurts because she is family. its better to find out now then wait and cause too much drama.

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