Post # 1
I have a really good friend, who is/was supposed to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and I’m not really sure what to do about the situaition anymore.
We had a little spat about her standing me up for lunch plans with no text/call. A few days later, she sent me a text saying that she doesn’t understand why I am mad at her. I finally responded that I was tired of her being inconsiderate and flaking on plans all of the time. I am more than understanding about stuff coming up in life and wouldn’t have had she texted/called me. It’s happened multiple times now.
During the conversation she threw out a comment stating, “So when you call me to talk about your family s*** at 10:30 pm, is that me being inconsiderate?” There have been some huge family issues that I have been dealing with which have been very stressful and hurtful. She and my Fiance were the only 2 people I had confided in.
After that comment, I don’t know how I feel about our friendship anymore. I feel like she took a really private and personal thing to me and used it against me in a really hurtful blow. She’s confided in similar family issues but I could never dream of using those as a fighting tactic. I haven’t spoke to her or seen her since that comment (its been 12 days), other than a picture message that I sent her of my dog to *try* to break the ice.
I had casually mentioned before the fight that she should get ready to find a dress to wear for the wedding. I don’t want to look back & regret having her in the wedding. For many reasons, including: her saying something to my family about her knowing about the family issues, or remembering that she was “once” a friend. However, if I don’t include her I am pretty sure that our friendship is over. I don’t really know how I feel one way or the other, other than that I am incredibly hurt by the comment.
Any ideas on what I could/should do would be greatly appreciated! Sorry about the long post! <3
Post # 3
I’d say she either lashed out with something she knew would hurt you because she felt defensive, or she’s been harbouring some anger or frustration against you and that’s what came out.
Maybe a fully honest conversation where you both clear the air, no judgement? It might be painful but it might be neccesary. And if she doesn’t want to talk then you’ve sort of exhausted your options.
Post # 4
It sounds to me like she thought she was being a good friend by being there for you when you need her and then you acted like it didn’t matter at all. I think it’s understandable that she was hurt and that she would mention why she was hurt. I would suggest that you apologize for taking her for granted and explain that her comment was also hurtful. Have a good talk, clear the air, and don’t lose a friend over something like this.
Post # 5
I’ve thought about the fact that she is lashing out, too. I’m not really sure that I can honestly say why, though. I don’t know how happy she is with her own life. I would hope that she is happy and only want the best for her, but in some of our conversations that is the feeling I’ve gotten.
I’m just not sure how to move past that comment. Anything else I could wipe it away as anger. When that comment came out it was like adding salt to the wound after I had been already kicked in the stomach (from the family event).
Post # 6
I know how that feels. Fighting dirty is just that — it’s dirty and mean and cruel and makes you feel like someone just pushed you down in the mud. And when it’s about something sensitive and personal and meaningful, well, it makes you almost feel embarassed that you trusted that person and upset that they would minimize it into something to be slung at you.
That being said, when people fight dirty its usually to get a reaction. When my fiance is trying to take the high road and not engage in a fight, I sometimes end up slinging something cruel at him just so he’ll respond.
If I were you, I guess I’d just keep weighing my pros and cons. You say that if she isn’t in the wedding the friendship will be over, but if she is in the wedding you might regret it. If she’s in the wedding and you regret it I’d say that would mean the friendship is over anyway. I’d explain to her just how badly her comment hurt, why it hurt, how you feel about telling her personal things anymore… and get her side of it, her reasoning and her explanation.