Post # 1
Member
5 posts
Newbee
Here’s the situation: A girl that my fiance and I have known for the 8 years that we have been dating, assumed that she is my bridesmaid. I do not have space for her, and know that I will regret choosing her as one.
The Facts: She is the girlfriend of my fiance’s bestfriend and groomsman.
Our History: My relationship with her, has always been 1-sided and recently (in the last 2 years or so) I’ve given up trying to have a great friendship with her, and have accepted that she will only ever see me as “a friend through our boyfriends”
Problem: We recently got engaged, and the topic came up about who would be my bridesmaid. Everyone including this girl has assumed that she will be a bridesmaid (everyone else assumes it, becasue for the longest time, we only ever double dated with them). The only thing that makes me want to choose her is fear that she will hold a grudge and ruin my fiance’s relationship with his BFF (and I dont want that, that would hurt my fiance’s feelings). AND it WILL happen, because we all have seen her run her BF’s life.
Another Problem: I AM choosing the wife of another groomsman – so that’s really gonna rub salt in the wound.
How do I break the news to her gently?
Post # 2
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
christineandewedding: You don’t break the news to her. You just never ask her instead. If she asks you why she’s not a bridesmaid, shes the one being rude and you can simply say you couldnt choose another bridesmaid (or if you’re having even numbers, etc. etc.).
Trust me – you do NOT want to have a bridesmaid that’s going to give you shit. I had one and a lot of my memories are how she tried to ruin the shower…the bachelorette…and then was a total bitch at/after the wedding. If I were you, I’d much rather deal with “drama” now than on your wedding day.
Post # 3
Member
3184 posts
Sugar bee
Maybe have her read a poem or something during the ceremony? That way she isn’t a bridemaid but still feels honored?
Post # 4
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
I agree with above, just don’t ask! If she makes a big deal about it (and you can) say that you were forced to add “insert family member here” and you want to keep the sides even.
Post # 5
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
christineandewedding: Just don’t ask her? If she asks you about it, just tell her you can’t have another bridesmaid. Granted you don’t even like her that much! Why torture yourself in exchange for preserving your Fiance and his groomsman’s relationship? They’re big boys now 😀
Post # 6
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
I agree with the posters above. Just don’t ask.
I’m in a similar situation. My FI’s best friend/best man’s wife has assumed since she knew our relationship was serious, that she would be a bridesmaid. Made a lot of jokes about being Maid/Matron of Honor since her husband was obviously going to be best man.
I ultimately asked her because I needed one more person and I know I’ll be around her a lot in the future. We’re still early in the engagement so no telling how well this works out. I’m nervous because she can be very dramatic. Oh well… it is what it is
Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee
weatherbug: Thanks! Trouble is exactly what I’m trying to avoid. My fiance and I bought a place together and when she saw it, she started acting hateful. When we got engaged, she started talking about herself, and how she’s planning her wedding for the same year (as if to 1up me), but she’s not even engaged
Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee
MissComicBook: This is a good excuse actually. I’m saving the last spot for a cousin. thanks!
Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
bphi163: I agree. The she controls the groomsman’s life. It’s actually been a huge problem in their group dynamic. Thanks.
Post # 10
Member
5 posts
Newbee
TXbride2015: Exactly. She’ll be around in the future. The thing is, she’s been with her boyfriend (the groomsman) just as long as we have, but they recently broke up and got back together. I fear, if she’s around. If she’s not, I’ll regret asking her out of obligation. Thanks.
Post # 11
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Do not give in on this or you will regret it garaunteed. Just don’t ask her. If she awkardly rudely brings it up to you say, “sorry to disappoint but I only chose my few closest friends and family but we can’t wait to celebrate wih you”
Post # 12
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
christineandewedding: Yeah.. in my situation they are already married and she has her husband completely whipped. Like to the point where I feel bad for him. He will never leave her so I know she will always be around.
If you don’t ask, she WILL get over it. If she does ask out-right, just say you’re sorry, but you were only asking so many people and it’s not meant to be personal. Add in that that you’re still wanting her to be there for the fun stuff like bachelorette parties or showers, and she’ll even still be at the rehearsal as the groomsman’s date. The only difference is she doesn’t have to buy a dress she’ll never wear again! Twist it into a positive. Then if she still whines, she’s the one who’s going to look bad.
Post # 13
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
Your wedding your choice. Period.