(Closed) Bridesmaid troubles – i want to scrap them all!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Duchess:  You might get some different opinions out there, but mine is that the bridesmaids “job” is fulfilled if they show up for the rehearsal and wedding in the right outfit with the right attitude.  Maybe they aren’t crafty and aren’t interested in your DIY projects.  Maybe hair is more their thing.  So what.

And I don’t consider being a bridesmaid to be a “glorified” position.  It is an honor that a person thinks of you as a close friend, but that’s about it.  They already, (in general, not sure about your case) have to buy/wear a certain dress, possibily shoes, possibly have hair and makeup done and spend a day and a half or so devoted to your wedding.  

Post # 4
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Duchess:  Sorry the only real “job” of the bridal party is to show up the day of the wedding looking good and sober and to stand up for you for your wedding. All the other stuff is extras. No one is going to be as excited for your wedding as you are. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man have lives also.

I would just chill out and think about this. Would rather lose friends because of this or have those people stand up for you for your wedding?

Post # 6
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Agree with the others. Your bridesmaids are not personal assistants and shouldn’t be expected to chip in on the prep work. Maybe you all need to sit down, clear the air, and see what each girl is able to contribute to the overall planning and prep; perhaps there are tasks that some are more interested or skilled in that they wouldn’t mind owning and would still take pressure off of you even if they’re not DIY/crafty things. But you can’t come up with a project and just assign it to people. That’s not what they’re there for.

Post # 8
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I believe that you’re reading to much into things. It is not the responsibility of the bridesmaids to assist with DIY projects, they can out of the kindness of your heart. This should not make you look down on them and “their duties”. You chose these woman to stand up for you on the happiest day of your life. Don’t cause tension and lose friendships and cause bad blood between family members over some centre pieces and invitations. It is your wedding, and ultimately you were the one that chose the DIY projects, 300 guests is a crazy amount of guest for DIY but this doesn’t reflect them as bridesmaids.

Post # 10
35 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yea I agree with everyone else…its not really a required field of the bridesmaids. HOWEVER, it is for the Maid or Matron of honor! Where is she?

Post # 11
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LuvMyBunny:  Sorry, no, it’s not required of anyone to do anything.

OP, while I think it would be nice for your family to show a bit of interest, kicking them out won’t make that happen. Just keep doing what you’re doing, try to spend some non-wedding time with them and maybe they will come around. Hopefully they will start to show some excitement closer to the day!

Post # 12
30 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t expect my BM’s to help with DIY projects but if they offered I would glady accept but I don;t expect them to.


I think you need to relax and have a talk with them before making any decisions regarding kicking them out of your wedding.

Post # 13
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Its not required for anyone to to anything for you wedding. Dont let the maid in maid of honor or bridsmaid fool you. You asked THEM to be in your wedding. Now if it were the other way around the I would be a little peeved. 

Your just a little stressed. Calm down. Maybe you should ASK if they are willing to help out with projects instead of expecting.

Good luck though! I know this wedding stuff will really stress you out!

Post # 14
22 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

You can either make peace with the fact that your bridesmaids just don’t want to be involved. Accept it and move on. Or you can just tell them that you’ve decided not to have a wedding party. You can’t force people to be interested or involved.

BUT, I disagree with the common opinion around here that bridesmaids have no other duties than to show up on the day. That sounds absolutely terrible. There should be a purpose to everything, and if all you need is a warm body to stand next to you, I have to ask: why? What’s the point?

For me, the whole point of having people stand up there with me is to symbolize the fact that these are the people who have supported me, given me their friendship over the years, and who are delighted to see me through the next step in my life. Part of being a good friend is showing interest in the things that matter to each other. If none of your bridesmaids are supporting you and offering you their friendship throughout your engagement, why have them stand up there with you at the culmination of your engagement? If they aren’t being good friends to you right now, then having them stand up there is just fulfilling a tradition for tradition’s sake. Which I kinda hate. It makes it so empty.

It’s not just that a bridesmaid should be interested in your wedding, it’s that a good FRIEND period should be interested. No, this doesn’t mean they need to be doing all sorts of DIY projects with you, or buying expensive dresses, or be at your beck and call to offer opinions. It just means they need to support you in the way any good friend should. By staying connected. By being interested in your life. By offering their thoughts and advice, to laugh with you over silly things and comfort you when things go horribly bad. If they’re not doing any of these things, they’re not only being a lackluster bridesmaid, they’re a lackluster friend.

In exchange for that friendship though, you have to be a good friend to them. Understand that people are busy. Engage in THEIR lives and what might be important/awesome/sad in their lives. Don’t make it all about you. But at the same time, don’t let your disappointment with your bridesmaid sour this experience for you. Cut them loose if they’re making this harder than it should be.

I think weddings make you realize who your true friends are.

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