(Closed) bridesmaid unwilling to pay :(

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Is she in the same town as you or is she long distance?

Post # 4
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you’ve said something 3 times then I’d just let it go.  She’ll probably remember one day and get it to ya.  It does stink that she hasn’t given you the money yet and thank goodness you got them for $50 and not $200!

Post # 5
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

it’s pretty rude she hasn’t paid yet. it’s one thing if you hadn’t asked her and she probably just forgot, but you’ve brought it up a handful of times so she should be well aware. i don’t know her financial situation, so i’m not sure what her reasoning is, but if you think she could be tight for cash, perhaps you could phrase it to her like, “i know money is tight for everyone right now, so if you need some help, let me know” or something like that … i’m not saying you have to pay for the dress, but maybe it would make her more comfortable opening up to you for her situation or reason she hasn’t paid you back yet.

Post # 7
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would ask her about it when you see her, but wait until the end of your visit. That really sucks that she’s blowing you off. I would be prepared for some awkwardness, frankly. Hopefully she has a valid reason – but even if she did, she should at least tell you instead of ignoring you.

Post # 8
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would drop her an email the day before and say something like “Hey! I just wanted to confirm that we’re meeting up at _____ tomorrow. I’m so looking forward to catching up! Do you mind bringing that cheque for the dress for me? I’m just trying to straighten out our budget and balance the ins and outs so I can keep up with what we have left to work with. Thanks, see you tomorrow!”

Post # 9
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

That’s such a sucky situation.  I had some friends owe me money for a group gift once.  (Oddly it was about $50 a piece.)  Two forgot to pay me.  I struggled with whether or not to ask them for it.  But ultimately I did.  They did actually pay me pretty promptly.  In my case, these girls are typically a little scatter brained about this stuff.  I’m not sure if that might be your BMs issue?

Honestly the reason for her not paying you could all over the map.  Maybe she innocently flaked on you.  Maybe she has $ trouble you don’t know about.  Maybe she’s being passive-aggressive because she hates the dress you bought.  And had her eye on some different styles that cost $200.  I don’t think it’s bad to bring up the cost again. But maybe make a resolution in your mind that once you ask her for the fourth time (in person this time) if you don’t get anywhere (ie. empy promises, blowing you off) that you won’t do anymore asking.  If you ask in person, and throw out all the stops “If you’re going through a budget issue… strapped for cash…” type stuff, what more can you do?  It sucks to feel like a friend is stiffing you, but for $50, it’s probably not worth it to start drama.

Post # 11
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

wow, that’s messed up. I have some BM’s that didnt help pay for the wedding shower when asked by my Mother-In-Law. Not even a dime, so my Mother-In-Law is footing the $2,500 bill. 

Post # 12
Member
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Did you give her the dress yet?  I agree that it is a sticky situation asking people for money they owe you.  I am not sure if you were planning on paying for your bridal party to get their hair done or even giving them a gift for being your Bridesmaid or Best Man..if you were maybe just skip her and pay for the dress instead? 

Post # 14
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

I would withold her gift because at that point, it’s the dress. But I’m that kind of evil…

Post # 15
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with Mrsh I would give your maids their presents and when she wonders or asks you about why she didnt get a gift just say ” you did get your gift it was your dress”. 

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

That is really annoying. People are so weird with $, I’ve learned this by planning a big wedding. Not to sound snobby, but the only ‘gifts’ people have bought us so far are the cheapest items on our registry, I”m talking like under $30 each. I understand it’s a tough economy, but that’s really cheap.

Sorry, I digress. I would drop it at this point honestly. Maybe bring it up jokingly at some point after the wedding if she still hasn’t paid. But if it goes until after the wedding she will probably never pay.

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