(Closed) Bridesmaid Upset over Etiquette and Duties

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t think you were being forward if your other BMs asked for it and she agreed to read it. So, please don’t feel bad about that. 

I’m sorry that you’ve had such a hard time with her but I think you guys have to stop emailing each other. I think that tone is often misinterperted when emailing- so she could be completely misunderstanding what you’ve been emailing out. 

I’ve had some awkward exchanges in email and the only get worse with time. I think your best bet on stopping and clearing up the drama is to call her. I know you say she’s busy but at least leave her a message saying you’d love to catch up and chat. 

Good luck! 

Post # 4
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If she asked for it, then she shouldn’t be upset about it.  If, however, someone sent me a list of bridesmaids duties unsolicited, I wouldn’t be happy.

Post # 5
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

 I agree that you need to talk to her and stop emailing. 

Post # 6
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Please wait to pass anything on until you can speak with her on the phone! Often times things are misinterpretted in emails. I used to have miscommunication issues with my boss all the time, until I just picked up the phone and started calling her with concerns. Sometimes you have to wait a while for a call back but it is a lot better than having a bunch of upset people with hurt feelings.

Post # 7
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Honestly, it seems to me she’s not really thrilled about being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I would ask her, nicely but directly, whether she is having second thoughts and give her the option to opt out. She could play a different role that doesn’t require as much commitment. The last thing you want is a difficult Bridesmaid or Best Man who is going to be more trouble than help!

Post # 8
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

No more email!!  You said this woman is one of your “best friends.”  Call her!!  Talk to her.  Let her know your concerns, be open and honest, and get this fixed.  There has got to be something going on and neither of you seem happy with it, so it’s time to do something.  Really, email is great for quick and easy stuff, but with this more serious stuff, you can’t keep communicating via the computer.  

Post # 9
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly form that whole story, and “fiy” Im not proud to say I dont always ready the lengthy posts.

Anyways, I think that maybe you would might be better off just telling her that with they way things have been going that you dont think she should be a brides maid any longer, since everything is hassel to her and she is obviously not into being in the wedding.

Plus do you really want someone like that being a close part of the most special day of you and your Fiance lives? You might be better off, honestly.

Post # 10
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with NotYourTypicalBride.  I’d tell her that you would love to have her in your wedding, but you do not want to cause her any financial stress.  That way, she kind of gets the hint that you are sensing she isn’t into the whole Bridesmaid or Best Man thing and she can make a decision without feeling guilty about it.  I agree with the other bees about emailing, too.  While it’s easier, emailing doesn’t always translate the way you want it to.  Give her a call or offer to go see her.

Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think peopl’s actions say it all and this Bm is clearly not being a friend to you at the moment let alone someone that should be a part of your wedding.

Just do what you feel is right and don’t have any regret, you will make the right decision.

Post # 14
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@MMMojo77:  I’m sorry you are going through this.  You seem like you have been very nice about everything.  Honestly though, this almost sounds like she wants nothing to do with the wedding.  Do you think that she might be jealous that you are going through this exciting and wonderful time in your life and she isn’t?  I can understand financial concerns, which are very valid, but the fact that she just seems not only dissintered, but almost combative about everything wedding related makes me think that she is very jealous of you. I think you have handled this with grace, but even when speaking on the phone, if that doesn’t really solve anything, this problem may stem from jealousy, which is nothing you can do to stop.

Good luck!!  HUGS!

Post # 15
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

I am inclined to agree with the others unfortunately. It seems like she does not really want to be a part of your special day, as she is fighting you tooth and nail every step of the way PLUS she has mentioned that it is a financial strain on her. What irritates me is the fact that she said yes in the first place! No one is obligated to be in a wedding if asked, she could have politely declined. I would have a talk with her (no e-mail) and just let her know that you cherish her friendship, but you feel it best that she does not participate in the wedding due to her financial strain. It will save you a lot of stress and heartache in the end, and it may save your friendship as well. If it is even worth saving at this point….

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