(Closed) Bridesmaid vent. :( feeling very sad.

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My only Bridesmaid or Best Man that actually showed up to my shower, brought me a bachelorette pin. (She didn’t get me a shower present, which was fine, because whatever. At least she came to the shower..my other two dropped out of the entire thing…) To wear pinned to my shirt, during the bachelorette party. Then she told me she was too tired to go out that night. I drove 7 hours. Uhhhhhhhhhwhatttt????

so that was fun.

Post # 5
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

i get that you’re upset, i do, but the dress has been ordered, it is in, yes she needs to go in and get it altered. that’s the main issue. she did pay for her dress.

as you said she is in financial difficulty, and even if she is going on trips, etc it is not up to us to dictate how someone ELSE spends THEIR money. and a gift is not a requirement. 

i don’t see how any of her behaviour is self absorbed and not caring about you? you said all your friends are self absorbed? how so? first of all, NO ONE will care as much about your wedding as you will. your friend has attended the shower, bought the dress you wanted her to get, so obviously she does care about you a lot. AND she let you know that she would be unable to get you a gift for your shower.

from where i stand it looks like you have a very caring friend. just cos you ordered your dress, picked it up, etc for her wedding really early, does not mean she has to do the same for you. 

Post # 7
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

hi, heres some love πŸ™‚

i understand why you are feeling the way you do and its okay. if she really is one of your very best friends, and if you feel like the relationship with her is worth it, maybe she should know exactly how you feel.

i don’t have a bff and most of my “friends” are my FSILs! and when they talk about a bachlorette party, its about me (and my FI) paying for it! i probably won’t have a shower unless i plan it and pay for it.. (mothers MIA, grandmas not on island, FMIL? maybe, but I doubt it). like you said “it is what it is” and i’m not gonna dwell on it.

at least someone threw you a party, even though it was your boss. someone loves you

Post # 9
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I totally understand your pain and had a ton of Bridesmaid or Best Man disappointment.  The only thing I can say is that everyone has something different to offer, and at least your friend is apologizing for her failings.  Either she gives you something else (fun, an ear, good advice, fashion sense, whatever), or she truly is a drain.  The nice thing about friends as opposed to significant others is that we don’t rely on just them, so no need to drop her in order to get support elsewhere.  A fun/good friend doesn’t a bridesmaid make, I’d stop giving more than you get, but try to let go and appreciate that she wants to do right by you, she’s just not capable of that at the moment.

I got so mad at one of my BMs, but now I look back and think about how many times I’ve failed the people I loved without realizing it at the time . . . 

Post # 10
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

((((Hugsssssss from Maryland)))))

Awww hang in there. I’m starting to realize that alot a brides feel this same dissappoint from BMs/friends. I know what you’re going through. My bestie/ Maid/Matron of Honor didn’t bring a gift to my bridal shower (which she didn’t help plan) and even left early. I did have a talk with her recently and told her that I’m not feeling any love/ support from her. Do you know that she was totally shocked by this and was just giving me space as a bride (go figure). As dissappointing as this maybe have been, she’s planned my bachelorette surprise. 

Moral of the story; try not to keep track of everything we do friends and expect the tick-for-tack because we don’t all bring the same thing to the table. That could be adding to your disaapointment. If it’s really bothering you, have a talk with her to let her know how she’s making you feel. Now if she’s still the same way after the talk, may have to reconsider your friendship and not be as outgoing for a friend who’s not doing the same for you.

Post # 11
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this. I am going through a very similar thing with my bridal party. My Maid/Matron of Honor has just started school, which she knew about months in advance, and was whining to me about how she had no money for her textbooks. So as part of her gift, I bought some of her textbooks. A week later I went to her house and she showed me her brand new ipad! We are a week out to the wedding and she claims she can’t afford shoes.

She did not host a bridal shower for me. My boss and coworkers had a party for me. My Maid/Matron of Honor and my bridesmaid (the only two people in my bridal party) are bringing their significant others to my bachelorette party! I will be the fifth wheel on their double date the night before my wedding! I am disappointed, but no matter how much I express this, they claim not to understand why bringing their SO that night would make me unhappy.

Post # 13
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Sparkle Pony:  I get it. It sucks. Even though it isn’t a reflection on you, you feel embarrassed, like you did something wrong.

I only had my Bridesmaid or Best Man (out of four) show up to my shower. And a friend from high school..so that was nice, because we have reconnected. She brought her sister..so I made a new FB friend. So, all the women in my family, DH’s mom and his SIL, and a table of my THREE FRIENDS. 

I couldn’t believe that none of my “friends” came to my shower. Like, I was sitting there stunned. One put on my FB page that she couldn’t come, the morning of the shower. Three (all bridesmaids-two friends of mine and DH’s best girl friend) didn’t rsvp. So obviously they didn’t show. It was actually in their town. (I live in Mississippi, they live in Lexington, KY) My family kept asking where my BMs were. It was so humiliating. Because I really didn’t know. I didn’t plan the shower, so I didn’t know that no one had rsvp’d. I mentioned it on FB once or twice, and everyone was “blahhh we can’t waittttt omgggg”…My step sister told me later, and I just decided to write those BMs off. They hadn’t been responding to me anyway, about non wedding things..so I just felt like they weren’t interested in our friendship anymore.

The day of my wedding, the same Bridesmaid or Best Man that came to the shower was the only one there (besides my sister, the MOH). The other two ex BMs..one wrote this long, drawn out sage on her FB about her friend that was getting married, and how that friend unfriended her from FB because she didn’t buy her a $90 shower gift, and that she was sorry that she had 4 kids to feed….WHAT?? So all the mutual friends we have on FB saw that, and knew it was obviously me (small town), and another girl that didn’t rsvp (not in the bridal party) or show up started chiming in…months after my shower, and no communication for those months? They were RIPPING me apart on FB. Like other friends were jumping in telling them to chill out. My sister finally showed me days later (I MEAN I WAS ON MY HONEYMOON) and of course I logged in and told them of my disappointment on that same status.

You never know who your friends are until it comes right down to it. We are THIRTY THREE years old. Thirty three? And some people just do not mature.

Post # 14
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Sparkle Pony:  So sorry to hear that! I sort of know how you feel. My only bridesmaid is my sister and she doesn’t at all seem interested. I know she doesn’t really have to be but I was having major dress problems and she would take forever to get back to me. Like I got a photo of my dress (ordered from China) and text her a photo. Took her 24 hours to get back to me and her response was just ‘nice’. I sent her colour samples (she lives interstate) for her dress and told her to get any style she is comfortable. She picked a green and black dress (one of our colours) but a totally different green. I had a lighter leaf green and she picked a more blue green. And her dress cost $179.00 which is a lot when my dress cost $190 and our total budget is $3500! That’s ok, at least she has something. I keep asking if she’s booked flights but she hasn’t even been looking. πŸ™

I totally get it though. I feel like I’m being a bitch and going on about wedding stuff but it’s a bit hurtful when someone so close to you seems to have no interest in something so special to you. Hope it works out for you!

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