Post # 1
I will try and make this as concise as possible. My younger brother is getting married, SIL to be has 10 Bridesmaids. Women ranging in age from 20-36, sizes from a UK 8 to a 16. Big busted, flat chested, slim, chubby and everything in between. This is a shotgun affair that has taken 8 weeks to plan, with her only really making decisions in the last 2 weeks. I mean the actual ceremony time was only revealed to me Last night…
I do get on with her, but she has become a bit thoughtless of late. She has a lot on, so I do understand. My brother is no better, He asked my son to be a pageboy last night. I spoke to him and explained how I was feeling. Judging by the tone of her messages this am… He may of spoken to her and he is not known for having tact.
HOWEVER, the wedding is in a week. She bought her gown last week Saturday, as she couldn’t make up her mind. We couldn’t pick our dresses until then. So now we have one day (Saturday) to buy a dress. We are going to a bridal shop tomorrow, to look at wildly inflated priced dresses to wear for the ceremony only. I feel as if the church service doesn’t mean much to her or her family/friends. The dresses she has picked before reflect that. The evening sari’s cost £80 upwards. Her and her bridesmaids picked a dress from ASOS for £28. The dress is far too short and tight to look decent in a church.
I am dreading shopping tomorrow, she seems quite lead by her friends and I don’t have much in common with them. A long day of teeth gritting ahead!
I don’t feel excited about my brother’s wedding AT ALL. To be a part of something like this holds no interest for me. It is REALLY not just the dress, that is the cherry on top! The post is already looking thesis- like, I won’t go into details.. If it wasn’t my brother’s wedding, I would drop out of being a bridesmaid. Like yesterday.
Any constructive advice pls?
Post # 3
Trying to plan a wedding in 8 weeks sounds like hell to me honestly.
What exactly are you upset about?
28 for a dress doesn’t sound expensive at all. Or are they no longer using that dress?
What is she asking you to buy and how much is she asking you to spend?
It sucks to only have 1 day to find a dress, but with the tight time frame she’s on it sounds like you really have no choice.
Post # 4
She sounds like she’s upset at their lack of consideration. The dress is just a symptom of the main problem.
Sounds like what’s keeping you in the wedding is your commitment to your brother. This obviously isn’t the ideal wedding for a bridesmaid (IMHO for anyone in a bridal party… 8 weeks is crazy), but at the end of the day, it sounds like you’re doing this out of loyalty for your brother. It’s good of you to do that. The reality is though that stress brings out the worst in people. As harsh as reality may be, although the bride’s choice may signify to you that she is inconsiderate and rude, at the end of the day it is really about supporting your brother and tolerating her antics for now. You don’t have to be excited about his wedding (although I know that is a big disappointment), but unless you’re willing to basically talk your brother out of getting married completely (or dropping out of the wedding yourself), your only viable option is to grit your teeth and bear it for now.
I guess you can speak to the bride directly, but know that some people don’t handle stress well and that may open a can of worms that you don’t want to deal with. You’re right, this is not really about the dress.. it’s about this quick wedding and your reaction to last-minute planning. Essentially, at this point you can either choose to tolerate it, or speak up to your brother & his fiance.
Good luck. I’m sorry that it seems like they are taking your and your son for granted.
Post # 5
Well, I guess the silver lining is because it is such a quick wedding, the drama will be over soon. I’d grin and bear it for the short term just to maintain family relations. Good luck trying to stay sane.
Post # 6
I’d say to just give her a bit of a break because 8 weeks is a very short period to cram in all the wedding crazy!
Is it possible to use the sari for the ceremony too?
Post # 7
Thank you bees. I really appreciate it. I feel a bit reassured that I am not being unreasonable (not too much).
@KatNYC2011: The fact the other bridesmaids aren’t ‘bothered’ about the dress is an indication of them not caring about the ceremony. Comments such as “it’s only for an hour” are not helping. I just feel they both have weight and care should be taken in one as much as the other. Things like them not asking my older sister to be a bridesmaid, not keeping us up to date with the timings etc.
@robinsena: Thank you so much for your kind words. You have really hit the nail on the head. I don’t really want to talk to her, I don’t think she needs the extra stress. I spoke to my brother who didn’t seem to fully gauge the problem. I left it at, ” if you keep asking people to swallow stuff, you’ll eventually make them sick”.
@Au Jardin: I am literally counting down the days. We have (truly hopefully) a lot of years as family together, so I am trying not to rock the boat.
@lisha_1988: It was meant to be that the bridesmaids would all wear Saris all day, one of her friends didn’t agree. So we’re buying dresses now, for teh ceremony and then wearing whatever colourr Sari we want for the reception. I already have a few, so it’s fine. My big sister has to borrow one of mine and get her own blouse made.
8 weeks is an extremely short time but if the had thought to keep things low, within reason, things would of been better. A bridal party of 20 and approximately 120 guests seems a bit much.
But again, thanks all of you! 🙂
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I am a big stickler for church-appropriate attire. However in this case, I think it’s best to just suck in up for whatever time is left- 2 weeks or a month? If you try to talk to the bride, I think she’ll snap- based on the fact that she’s having trouble making decisions.
Could you suggest that the bridesmaids wear dresses a size larger, so it’s not so tight? Just a thought.
Post # 9
It’s like a roller coaster ride you want off of. Just grin(smile) and bare it an it will be over in no time. Since this wedding is a week away it’s just not worth the drama that speaking up will cause. Just keep thinking of your brother and how much he will be needing your support before, during, and especially after the wedding.
Post # 10
It sounds stressful but the beauty of a very short engagement like this is that it will be over soon! Hang in there!
Post # 11
I agree, 120 quid for bridesmaid apparrel is steep (US Bees – that’s almost $240). Can’t you just wear the Sari? Is that already bought and paid for? I don’t understand why you need two outfits. Really, if she wants multiple dresses she should offer to pay for the second dress.
Post # 12
*Dress Update* After an ENTIRE day shopping on Saturday we bought 5 dresses, the other 5 had to be tracked down. After much BS from the Bride (dresses not in stock, but I call the store and there are dresses needed reserved), We finally ordered the dresses in time to take advantage of a £10 off promotion. They look awful on. the ‘waist’ is under my (ample bust) and flares out over my tummy so I look pregnant. Extremely tight lace panel and shapeless everywhere else. Fun times!
I would post the picture of me in it, but I would not inflict in on the general population of WB. Thanks for listening bees!
@rebwana: Some of the dresses would have been more approriate for a ‘big fat gypsy wedding’. Honestly despaired as I had spoken to my brother and reiterated the way we were raised. We respect all places of worship, especially the one we have grown up in.
@bricon: I am trying to do that, focusing on the baby they are having. far more fun!
@Miss Orchard: Exactly! 2 days left! My fiance and I have planned a family day to spend some sane time together on Sunday (Church, then cinema to watch the avengers and all the Jalpeno nachos I can eat!)
@futuremrsfitz18: The final dresses cost £30 each from Tescos, the evening Sari I decided to wear one I already owned. Realise I have already over invested in a financial sense and won’t do anymore, I lent my sister one of my older Saris, luckily the blouse fits her.