(Closed) Bridesmaid vs. Groom….Help!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Hmm…I would be a little wary as to why he’s trying to control a situation so much. There was a groomsman that I wasn’t a huge fan of that my husband asked, but I would never prevent him from asking any of his friends to be a groomsman. That was his decision, and as long as they aren’t actively trying to break us up and truly support us, then it’s your decision.

Post # 5
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Erm yea I agree with 2Peasinapod!

She is your friend and the two of you have moved past what ever happened last Halloween. Thats a big part of relationships, learning to move on from a fight and not holding grudges.

At the end of the day your relationship with your friend and whether or not she is going to be YOUR bridesmaid is ultimately your decision, not his. The fact that he is causing trouble over her inclusion is bizarre and definitely a red flag. If she were still causing trouble in your life then I can understand him having reservations but again it would still be your decision. The fact that he won’t even allow it is concerning, its not just his wedding its yours too.

I would sit him down and tell him calmly exactly how you feel, get him to understand how much it means to you to have her in the wedding. No vague comments or shutting down, just calmly tell him why you want her to be a bridesmaid, that she is going to be a bridesmaid and that you would be really happy if you had his support. 

Hopefully he will see what it means to you and realise that your happiness is very important to him, seeing as the two of are getting married and that he doesn’t want to stand in the way of that. 

 

I hope is all works out! 

Post # 6
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Can I ask what it was that she did? Because if she really upset you maybe he is worried about you being hurt again? 

I know my Fiance hates me going to visit my parents because of the way my mother treats me. He still lets me go though even though he knows she will be cruel and make me cry. But maybe your Fiance is being protective?

Do they have any history? For him to reacting so strongly to her if its not a protection thing then its very strange. And even if he is protecting you he needs to allow you to make your own decisions.

 

Post # 7
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

DO NOT PUT HER IN IT!!

okay trust him! one you dont want someone in your wedding party that your fiance has a hard time with so respect that. two, i picked an old best friend and it has been the biggest headache! Its always some sort of drama and really if a dress hadnt been bought by now id tell her your in or out cuz im done playing! I never thought she would be so self centered while planning my wedding but shes remained that way, and i would take your fiances advice and listen. you could always find something else for her to help you with. Like if you didnt hire a wedding planner maybe have her help do that or something small during the wedding?

Post # 7
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

DO NOT PUT HER IN IT!!

okay trust him! one you dont want someone in your wedding party that your fiance has a hard time with so respect that. two, i picked an old best friend and it has been the biggest headache! Its always some sort of drama and really if a dress hadnt been bought by now id tell her your in or out cuz im done playing! I never thought she would be so self centered while planning my wedding but shes remained that way, and i would take your fiances advice and listen. you could always find something else for her to help you with. Like if you didnt hire a wedding planner maybe have her help do that or something small during the wedding?

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Your Fiance shouldnt decide your BMs for you. he can obviously share his concern and opinions about someone but ultimately its your decision.

Post # 12
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would never marry someone who would try to exert that much control over my choices (and not listen to what I had to say), but that’s just me. Tell him he gets to pick his groomsmen and you get to pick your bridesmaids, end of story.

Post # 13
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am of the opinion your attendants are your attendants he does not dictate who mine are and I do not dictate who his are- period.

Yes, it’s his wedding but the BM’s are YOURS. I wouldn’t let him push me around and I’d say she is in it and I’m sorry you don’t like that but you don’t have to.

Post # 14
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If one of my DH’s prospective groomsmen had gotten drunk and physical w/ my brother, I wouldn’t want them involved in our family celebration either, especially if they would be expected to stand together and co-plan events.

Post # 15
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m sorry but if he is that controling now thats just not a good sign. Mabe he is just upset because it was his sister that she pushed. Maybe if you could get his sister to forgive your friend and tell him that SHE thinks that your friend should be in the wedding maybe that would work or if you could ask him if there is anything that she could do to prove to him that she is a good friend of yours.

Personally I once had a best friend who had a fiance who wouldn’t let her be friends with me. Long story short…. I have a new best friend and she had a divorce 🙁 

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