(Closed) Bridesmaid vs Groomsmaid/Bridesman vs Groomsman

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
8023 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

My brother was in our wedding party and stood on my side.  But he wore a tux to match the groomsmen. 

We called him a Bride’s Attendant.

Post # 5
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@ajillity81:  +1 to the brides attendant

Have him on your side and call ALL of your attendants “Bride’s attendants” or if you want to go more fun “Bride’s Posse” or “Bride’s crew.”

Post # 6
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would ask FSIL to be a bridesmaid and have your fiance ask your brother to be a groomsman; unless that would make them uncomfortable.  I think it’s nice to have their siblings stand up with you and vice versa (although not nesessary).    Also, we are calling my fiance’s female attendant a groomslady. 

Post # 8
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I live in the Lubbock area so I know the close-minded kind of types around here. I’m getting married in Austin and we decided that his best girl friend would be on his side rather than mine because she’s his best friend. We are having her wear a dress that is the same color as their suits to match but she’ll have a bouquet instead of a boutonierre.

If your FSIL insists on being on his side, is there anything wrong with both your brother and FSIL being on his side? It may not be even numbers but I think once the wedding actually happens it won’t matter and you’ll be happy you have the people who care about you there.

Post # 9
4416 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, you know your FSIL better than we do. If you just asked her to be a bridesmaid, would she just say “yeah!” and the groomsmaid thing would never come up again, or might she push the issue and have a little fit over it? Given that your brother would prefer to stand on the groom’s side (which I completely understand — my brother was a groomsman for DH even though they hardly knew each other at the time, mostly for the same reason), I think you should just ask FSIL to be a bridesmaid and have that be the end of it. Unless she’s a total brat, then I’m sure it will work out just fine 🙂

Post # 10
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sorry, but when you insist on even sides and traditional gender roles, you limit yourself a lot.  Honestly, I would have her as a groomswoman and let your brother decide where to stand based on that.  If you have uneven sides, who cares?  You’ll still be married with both of you surrounded by the people you wanted to have up there with you.  

Post # 11
572 posts
Busy bee

You have too many competing interests: 1) sides must be even 2) bride’s brother must be on boy’s side 3) groom’s sister would prefer to stand with her sibling. Insisting on keeping the sides perfectly even is going to either make the bride’s brother uncomfortable, or disappoint the groom’s sister. Of these three things, which are more important?




I would ditch the even sides requirement, and let the siblings stand where they are most comfortable. 




And honestly, if you had no choice but to make one sibling uncomfortable, I have a lot more sympathy for the sister who wants to stand with her brother than I do for the man who would freak out at being on the bride’s side. But that’s just me. :p


Post # 12
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

The sides don’t need to be even. If she wants to stand on his side, she can. But maybe she just offered that bc she thought you were’t going to ask her? 

Post # 13
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  why not just have uneven sides?  Have a few of the groomsmen escort the Mothers/Grandmothers or walk alone if the numbers don’t work out.

Post # 14
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’re having both bridesmen and groomsmaids. Nobody was bothered by it (even older relatives that we’ve told). I texted all of my friends to ask them (we lived far away at the time), and when I asked my two closest guy friends to be my bridesmen I wrote something along the lines of “We’re planning our bridal parties now and I was really hoping you’d be one of my bridesmen. You’d still get to wear a suit or tux like the groomsmen, but you’d stand on my side instead.” Maybe if you presented it this way you brother would be cool with it? Make clear that he still gets to be “one of the guys” but that it would mean a lot to you to have him standing beside you. 

Post # 16
352 posts
Helper bee

Here is a completely different approach, could you let FSIL and your brother join your SO 5 guy friends and you add an extra gf or two to your side.  Keep it even and let each person stand where they feel comfortable.

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