- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
So, FI and I got to talking today about our wedding party and who would be in it. Well, all along, we’d said that my brother would be a groomsman because we want him involved. In the same note, I planned on asking FSIL to be a bridesmaid (unless FI said he didn’t want her involved or wanted to put her elsewhere). Well, lately, she’s told FI she wants to be a groomsman because “bow ties are cool.” FIs cool with this, but knows I was wanting to ask her. So we were discussing who would be where. I have my girls in mind from the start (my 4 best friends, my sister and his sister). During our talk, he picked out his six guys (5 friends and my brother). Thing is, if FSIL is a groomsman, then either my brother becomes a bridesmaid or one of FIs friends isn’t in the party. He had a hard enough time picking between his friends let alone picking which one to drop.
While it may be common in some areas for mixed genders, it isn’t where I’m at. I also don’t think my brother would want to be a brides-anything, regardless of the name. He’d find it emasculating. Preferably, FSIL would be ok with being a bridesmaid (hopefully excited even) so my brother can stand with FI.
So, this weekend, we decided we were both going to talk to her and let her decide where she wants to be and go from there. Originally, FI was gonna speak to her on his own, but I’d like to at least be there to let her know that I want her to stand with me as opposed to word of mouth. So, we’ll be talking to her together.
Does anyone have any advice on how to go about it? I don’t want her to feel pressured either way and we’ll give her all the time and space she wants to decide. We just both want her to know that we love and care about her and want her by our sides when we get married, whichever side she chooses. For all we know, she may have been hoping to be a bridesmaid all along and not wanted to impose. Or she may just really want to be a groomsmaid.
Also, I was wanting to do something cute to ask my bridesmaids (only one has been asked so far, my MOH. We got matching piercings, she said yes, super cute) and I don’t know how to do that with her if she decides to be a bridesmaid. I mean, I don’t want to have her a gift and then say “Pick me or your brother.” Would it be strange to give it to her after she decides? Should I have something ready to bring with me and give it to her right afterwards? Or give it to her at a later date?