Post # 16
Where I live and in my age group it’s the norm for bridal parties to get ready together so I see where you are coming from. Thankfully that’s what my bridesmaids believe it’s the norm too so they are on board. Since my bridesmaids all live and hour and a half or more from the venue I’ve booked (and paid for) 2 hotel rooms at my venue for me and the girls to stay in the night before that way no one wake up early and drive the day of, and we can sleep in slightly later since we’ll already be at the location that hair and makeup is happening at. I’m also providing food for our rooms so that no one goes hungry.
Perhaps you can do something to make it more convenient for your bridesmaids to get ready with you and make it seem like the day will be fun not frustrating?
Post # 17
Well they can ask but you don’t have to say yes. I’m sure they understand that you can’t bend the space-time continuum and let all of them to go last, and I’m sure they don’t expect you to hire several HMU artists so they can all go simultaneously.
I would give them the benefit of the doubt and think of it as them asking as an “all else being equal I’d like to go last” kind of thing, rather than an “I have better things to do that day” kind of thing.
I’m Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friend’s wedding and I’m not getting there more than 3 hours early. Not because I don’t want to but I can’t. Don’t have any more PTO days off after maternity leave earlier this year, and I told my friend I will offer to take time off as unpaid if I have to to get the time off for her wedding. I ended up working it out to where I’d only take afternoon off and work an hour longer on the other days that week. Point is I’m only taking a half-day, even though the other BMs will be there in the morning, but my friend knows that it’s not because I don’t care.
These are your closest friends presumably so don’t assume they come from a place of “not caring about you”.
Post # 18
I also paid extra to provide food & drinks for them to enjoy before the ceremony.
Post # 19
They are going to be spending the whole rest of the day with you. I can see why they wouldn’t want to wait around from 10-4 – thats a LONG time! That said, not everyone can go last, so I would just make up a schedule with your HMUA. People who want to go later can, people who dont mind can come early.
Post # 20
You are being sensitive, it is your special day so of course you are excited. They may not want to spend the whole morning at the bridal suite waiting for their appt time, etc. Things that sound fun to some people aren’t fun for others.
FWIW, I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in July. On the wedding day we met at the Church dressed and our H/MU was already done. I was greatful because we had a 6am flight the day before the wedding and was busy with wedding stuff all day. I appreciated being able to sleep in and have breakfast and get dressed in my hotel where I was comfortable and not having to socialize with the other BMs I did not know.
For my wedding I only had a Maid/Matron of Honor, she had to travel so she and I stayed together at the bridal suite the night before. BUT I made it perfectly clear that I was fine with her traveling the morning of the wedding.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Post # 21
Nobody likes sitting around doing nothing, and I see nothing rude about asking if that time can be minimized.
Post # 22
Make a schedule print it and distribute it. People are more apt to follow things that are written down. If Bridesmaid or Best Man want to switch times with each other not a big deal. You will likely be to busy to do much hanging out anyway.
Post # 23
It’s not 10-4 sitting around, it’s 10-2 because we are doing pictures after 2 pm. And please no one tell me I’m being unreasonable or selfish for wanting pictures before the ceremony and after. I get its a long day, I’ve been a bridesmaid too but you know what you are signing up for when you become a bridesmaid. And it isn’t a question of their lives stopping but again it’s one day out of the year that they have known about for 2 years. If they want to plan errands for that particular day that is also not my problem. I didn’t ask for some random day to get together.
Post # 24
I don’t think it’s that unreasonable. If I was in a wedding I would just figure that whole day is booked for me and be prepared to spend whatever time doing whatever.
Our wedding was at 12pm and we all got to the place to get ready around 7am, the reception didn’t end until 5ish. So, it was a full day.
Post # 25
Wait you’re having 2 hours of staged photos before your ceremony as well as after?
No wonder they’re trying to push it a little past 10am.
Four hours before the photos is a good amount of time to sit around, they probably figure that since you’re making them pay for it themselves they should have more of a say as to when they want their makeup done.
Post # 26
No, 2-3:30 is for pictures and to get on the party bus to get to the ceremony for 4.
Post # 27
I’m not making them pay for anything. I gave an option, IF they want their hair and makeup done by the person who was coming to do mine they could and it was getting done at the venue. They could’ve said no I’ll do it all my self and I would’ve said fine, be at the venue by 2 ready to go. As I said earlier, I never made either mandatory.
Post # 28
Listen, I certainly understand how they feel and understand that people have commitments and that being there all day might not be feasible. Every friend group is different. A wedding day can be a long, tiring day for all involved. Try to give flexibility where you can and know that this isn’t personal.
That being said, if I was a bridesmaid or Maid/Matron of Honor for anyone, my expectation would be that I’d be there all day for whatever they need and I’d plan accordingly. I didn’t “require” my wedding party to be with me all day, but they wanted to be and were. It was fun 🙂
Post # 29
I totally get why this would bother you. I would feel the same. That being said it wouldn’t be too bad if you staggered the times a little bit. Have those closer to you show up earlier and you will get some bonding time with them in. Then have others show later.
* just a sidenote it would be nice to supply coffee and food. As a former Bridesmaid or Best Man who showed up at 5AM for a bride who supplied us nothing at all I was so hungry all day and a bit miffed.
Post # 30
Are they just asking though or are they making a big issue of it?
I do think you made the right choice to have the younger girls done last- but you’re also talking about 11 people needing hair and make-up, can’t really fault the BMs for hoping not to be first only to have to sit around in hair and make-up trying not to get mussed up for hours. Logistically someone has to go first, second etc, not everyone can hope for a 1 pm slot, but if they’re simply asking/hoping rather than tossing a hissy fit, really can’t fault them for this.
I know you’re providing food etc, but TBH if I had my make-up professionally done at 10- 10: 30 I wouldn’t be wanting to mess it up eating, would be nicer to eat brunch or lunch then have make-up done. Yes, I’d suck it up and just take the timeslot available but it would make for a long day sitting in hair and make up for 4 hours, then photos for another hour and a half all before the ceremony. And then more pictures after….like I said, I agreed to be Bridesmaid or Best Man and I’d suck it up and do it, but doesn’t mean I realized how long the day would be (all brides have different expectations) and I’d be pasting on my smile by the second photo shoot in an effort not to look wilted and burnt out.