Bridesmaid wanting times to come get ready

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

I would be pissed. These people are presumably your closest friends right? I would be there for my closest friends from 6AM to 6AM the next morning for their wedding day if that’s what they wanted. I don’t get this whole “all they are required to do is show up right before the ceremony, stand next to you and that’s it”. These are your FRIENDS, not hired props. Friends sacrifice for each other and if the sacrifice involves sitting in a bridal suite doing hair and makeup, sipping champagne, snacking, getting dressed up, taking photos, standing next to the bride during the ceremony and then partying all night long, then I don’t see why anyone would complain.

Post # 32
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. In the wedding I was in recently we were told to get there at 9, pics weren’t until like 3:30. We sat around and made streamers for their exit for several hours. It was a little annoying, but I just sucked it up because I was in the wedding and it was one day. I think as a bridesmaid, yes, you’re just supposed to wear the dress and show up (I don’t believe much else should be expected, like showers, bach, etc), but I think part of it is also showing up when the bride wants you to (as long as it’s reasonable). You chose them because you are close to them and want to share the day with them, which includes getting ready together. I can see why you are hurt they don’t seem too interested in doing that with you, but it’s not everyone’s thing I guess. I had an older cousin in my wedding and she was pretty against the idea of fixing her hair and makeup in front of other people-and she thought the getting ready robe idea was weird, she just hadn’t had much experience with weddings where people did that. Maybe that is the case here?

Post # 33
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bunnkiwi7117 :  Are all the bridesmaids in the same friend group?

And did they know they were paying for their own hair and makeup? Did you clearly state they would be paying for services?

Did they host a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party?

I am trying to understand the dynamics of your relationship with these women.

 

Post # 35
Member
995 posts
Busy bee

I was thankful, since I had to sit around myself for 8 hours once… that there was food and lots of champagne. Do the same. Make that a motivator… 🙂 lol

 

Post # 36
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bunnkiwi7117 :  This is very helpful! I was in my brother’s wedding, I love my SIL, but we’re not close friends (I live out of state). I accepted because me and my brother are super close. I didn’t know her well enough to want to spend the whole day getting dressed together, etc. BUT I would have been there if she asked. 

It isn’t personal unless you and these ladies are truly close friends (e.g. talk on the phone, hangout without your brother/FI before you got engaged). On the other hand, regardless of how close you are/aren’t it is shitty for them to complain or show disinterest to you.

I get both sides now, sorry you’re going through this.

Post # 37
Member
5394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

bunnkiwi7117 :  It seems like most/all of your bridesmaids are not your friends, which is probably where the issue comes from. 

Post # 39
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

bunnkiwi7117 :  I believe your reason for asking them to be in the wedding was sincere and genuine. But most people find being in a wedding party a nuisance (unless it is for a close friend). It sounds like they are resentful. 

Just expect them to show up for the wedding. These are not your friends so there is no “friend” history in your lives. You all are bonded through your brother and Fiance. At this point, don’t make it more than it is. 

Be grateful for your Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 40
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee

bunnkiwi7117 :  Ya, I bet this is happening because they aren’t your ‘friends’ but rather relatives- all of which aren’t related to you. They might feel obligated to have just said yes. 

Honestly, if my SIL asked me to be a bridesmaid for her I’d want to show up as late as possible too. Not because I had other things to do, but because we’re not friends lol. 

If these girls weren’t related to your FI- would you have asked them? Would they have said yes? Probably no to both- so that’s where this issue is likely coming from. 

Post # 41
Member
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s disappointing that they’re not acting into your wedding in general. Are they still coming to the hair/ make-up? 

Post # 43
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee

Honestly, hanging out in a room for 4 hours with 11+ people (5 bridesmaids, 4 children, bride, MUA, hair dresser if not the same as MUA, and presumably parents of the children if there isn’t already overlap) trying to get ready in the same space sounds like my own personal hell on earth even if I was the very best of friends with all involved.  But these people aren’t.  Unless you spend time sitting around chit-chatting like sorority sisters at a slumber party on the reg, the expectation that everyone is going to be super into that just because you are getting married is pretty unrealistic.  Additionally, I’m going to guess that his sisters would probably want to socialize with their family coming in for the wedding as well.

Schedule your BFF first since she’s totally cool just chilling with you all day and then assign slots to everyone else, let them come and go as they please up until 2pm, and just let the rest of this go and enjoy hanging with your friend.  You’ll probably have a much better time hanging with the couple people who hang out with you regularly anyway and are cool with it than forced socialization in a crowded room with people who like you well enough but probably wouldn’t otherwise be friends with if you weren’t marrying into the same family.

Post # 44
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

bunnkiwi7117 :   Well they didn’t specify any time. All they asked is if they could be the last ppl in the queue. I understand that u would want the wedding to be focus of their day but there is a possibility that they might have things going on in their lives, may be something with kids etc. Take me for e.g. I get really cranky n tired of I have to spend long time somewhere. I would like to have my energy for the ceremony and reception 😃 

I m sure u have more than 1 stylist but just for e.g. Say u have 1 stylist for u( this is just for e.g.) n 1 stylist for rest of them, and 4 hrs for 10 ppl which is 24 mins each. Say 2 ppl made this request. I understand ur concern about lil gals. So can’t these ppl not be the 5th n 6th ppl( before the gals) ? So there will be 4 ppl ahead of them 4*24 mins= 96 mins ( roughly 1.5 hrs). So you can let them know about ur concern about little gals and that they can be the last ppl among bridesmaids and can come at 11:25 sharp instead of 10:00 am. They did not specify the time, and u did what u could. I think 1.5 hrs helps a lot. 

Post # 45
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Part of being a bridesmaid means more than just standing up and wearing a dress. It means being available as much as possible during the wedding weekend for emotional and/or logistical support (helping out with odds and ends, etc.). I don’t really get this idea about “you can’t ask them for anything”. They’re not just pretty props who stand around for pictures! I understand about large things that cost money (like bach parties or showers), but it’s really not difficult to be around the whole day as long as your BMs don’t have children or other family obligations.

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