(Closed) Bridesmaid wanting to look better than the bride?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Hostess
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
gtht1912:  is she saying this to challenge you? Some of my friends would say something like “I will look better then you” not as a threat but as a challenge to work harder…is this her way of pushing you? 

Other then that…her working out really hard is great, even if she jumped in more then you. 

Also btw…even when a bridesmaid has a great body (even more then a bride) no one notices them…seriously everyone looks at the bride on the day…so sshe wont take attention away from you. 

Post # 3
Member
290 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like you and your friend have a sllightly competitive friendship. Perhaps you don’t discuss the wellness preparations with her? When all said is done, it will be your wedding day and you will be the beautiful bride. 

Post # 4
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

So… she sounds unhealthily obsessed with her appearance.  She sounds a lot like me, actually, when I was at the worst of my eating disorder.  I was so obsessed with making sure I looked great that I’d be super rude to other people… this includes both the comment about wanting to look better than the bride (because seriously, who in their right mind says that) and the nagging (because again, totally not a normal thing to do–it’s just rude..)

The nagging especially–I also did this nonstop when I was really bad with my ED since I hated my body so much I couldnt help but hate everyone elses… and I was HOT at the time.

 In a firm voice let her know, without any apology, that no one cares what she looks like on the day, so she can stop going on about it.  You will be the most beautiful person because you will be glowing with happiness.  And the dress, your hair, your makeup, and your weight DONT MATTER.  Yes, they will help you feel your best, but in the end you will be the most beautiful person in the room because you will radiate happiness.

Further, you can let her know that if she is super intent on upstaging you on your big day, that’s her decision, but if she could stop rubbing it in your face that she feels that way, you’d appreciate it since, you know, you’d like to at least pretend your bridesmaids care more about you on your wedding day than themselves.  Try and say it nicer than that, maybe.  I know that anything short of that wouldn’t have gotten through to me, but I had a disorder, and she might just be vain/narcissitic/self-centered.

Post # 5
Member
5641 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I think she is challenging you to make you work harder; it is unlikely she would say it if looking better than you was her true plan.  Also, don’t let your self confidence be defined by what others say or do.  It shouldn’t matter to you how good someone else wants to look.

Post # 6
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
gtht1912:  She sounds insecure and might have disordered eating/an addiction to working out. Yes, you can become addicted to working out. It also sounds like she’s not feeding her body after she works out because she “ate earlier”.

I would stop sharing progress with this girl. Do your thing. Tell her she has to do natural eyeshadow and no bold lipstick at the wedding. Etc etc…

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

I would never say that to a friend, motivation or otherwise. I think that’s a really weird way to motivate a friend.. I’d be annoyed too. I would personally say something to her about how those comments are making you feel. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by twodancinft.
Post # 9
Member
6294 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

So… the second reason you asked her to be a bridesmaid, besides her being your friend, is because she’ll look pretty as a bridesmaid? You both have an issue with vanity… more than normal.

Post # 10
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It sounds like you started the competition by sharing what you were doing, so I don’t think she’s being out of line by continuing it.

Who cares if she’s prettier than you?  Both of my bridesmaids are prettier than I am but I didn’t hold it against them.  It doesn’t matter one bit when you’re the bride!  No one is going to take the attention away from you.   

Post # 11
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
gtht1912:  so she sounds like one of those people that no matter what cannot let people “have their moment” and constantly needs to show her superiority OR youre taking it the wrong way because you are regretting your decision and are jealous of her (im not saying thats the case, im just saying this happens a lot and i personally know of instances where the bride was insecure and all of a sudden started to question and be envious of her bridesmaids).

Either way, let her do her thing and you do yours. Try to remember why you are friends and asked her to be your bridesmaid in the first place. In the long run, this is YOUR DAY. Everyone knows this is your day. Her workout routine and how she looks is a non issue.

 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by MissJulianna.
Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would totally be annoyed too. And it seems a little extreme just for being a bridesmaid. How do you respond/reply to her when she tells you all she’s doing?

Post # 15
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

So, is it correct to say you’re not worried she’ll be hotter than you on your wedding day so much as you’re sick of hearing about it from her? If that’s the case, just tell her that all the fitness talk is starting to stress you out as you get busier planning so you’re gonna opt out of the updates for a while. Then, if she ever says anything again about wanting to look better than you on your wedding day, call her out on it – “that’s not a very uplifting thing to say to a nervous bride, BM!”

If you are actually worried about her looking better than you, you need to somehow get over that. 

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