(Closed) Bridesmaid wanting to look better than the bride?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Honestly, I think you both sound a bit immature about this.

If you knew you already had a competitive relationship to begin with, then why add fuel to the fire?  If she really said she was going to look better than you, all you had to do was smile, nod your head and say “we’ll see”.  Instead you took it to another level by telling her what kind of exercises you were doing, in a sense challenging her to WANT to do better than you.  If she keeps saying it now, just ignore her and change the subject.  She’s obviously trying to get you mad so don’t let her.

I have a close friend that I’ve known since junior high and we’re kind of competitive with some things.  When I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding (and she was in mine) I never said to her that I was going to look better than her – I think that’s pretty shitty to say to someone.  I knew she was trying to lose weight for the wedding, so if I saw her eating a big bowl of ice cream I would raise my eyebrow and ask if she really wanted to finish it.  She would say things like “I hate you”, not meaning it, but knowing I had her best interest in mind and I was just trying to help.

It doesn’t sound like you’re trying to motivate each other.  If she’s obsessed with exercise and her body image that has no bearing on you.  Of course she wants to look her best – I do too, especially when I’m in a wedding.  If she’s that good a friend you should have no problem telling her that her updates are bothersome, and if she really is a good friend, she’ll stop.

Post # 32
Member
4685 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

gtht1912:  I think you both need to reevaluate here. You choosing her for her looks is messed up. And her making comments about looking better than you should stop only because no one should ever be saying that to anyone.

I’m going to be brutally honest here :\

It doesn’t sound like she’s got an unhealthy obsession at all. I think you both started sharing your routines and your daily efforts and so she does just that. You set that as the standard and now she’s getting really into it and involved. I also think her comments aren’t offensive at all but are more to challenge and push you since she knows you have goals for your wedding. I also think you are irritated beacuse she’s doing more than you are, not because of what she’s actually telling you. the reason I think that is because it didn’t bother you to share daily planking routines or progress with her because you were able to share too and “match” what she was doing, but now she’s sharing early morning consistant work outs, and many other forms of working out and your workouts no longer compete. so it irritates you to hear all the other stuff she’s doing that you aren’t. I think you need to realize that not everything is about you and she may just really like working out and really may want to look great for this wedding. She’s going to be in a dress too after all. and it may have nothing to do with needing to somehow outshine you.

If that is the case, well than you picking her for her looks is now coming back to bite you. Bridal party members should be chosen solely on who is closest to you and who is going to support and encourage your marriage as you go forward in life. Not who looks the best in a dress.

 

Post # 33
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

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gtht1912:  Sorry but you lost my vote when you said that you chose her above other girlfriends in part because she is gorgeous. Brides who choose anyone based on looks really perplex me. This is not a TV show you’re staging, it’s your wedding day. You choose people who mean the most to you. As far as bridesmaids go, you made it seem like you overlooked girls who were perhaps better friends to you than she has been because she’s better looking than them. At that point, you lost my sympathy or empaty vote. Based on her remark that she will look better than you on your wedding day, you picked the wrong girl to be a bridesmaid. That’s what happens when you make a choice for a superficial reason (even just “in part.”) I didn’t see any context that lead up to her comment that she will look better than you on your wedding day, but it doesn’t matter because I frankly can’t think of any context in which that remark would not be obnoxious. I think you’re stuck with the choice at this point. I think it’s too late to “fire” her. Chalk it up to your own superficiality and accept your poor decision.

Post # 35
Member
28 posts
Newbee

Honestly it sounds like you have some major insecurity issues, and I’m a little concerned that your friend might have an eating disorder if she’s skipping dinner because of an extra cracker. 

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