(Closed) Bridesmaid wants a plus one

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m normally all for a plus one, but since it is an intimate wedding, and she doesn’t know WHO she would be bringing I would stick to no! Especially if no one else got a plus one!

Post # 4
2385 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I would have said no in the first place. So inappropriate. It’s nice to invite single people with dates, but it’s not nice to assume you can bring one as a guest, especially if you’re not seeing anyone. I’d remind her that you’re having a small wedding, and there are no plus ones who are not in established relationships.

Post # 5
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012


Like you said, its not like she is in a current long-term relationship.

Stick to your guns girl…shoot her down.  She is just being rude.  Maybe let her bring a date later after dinner so she can enjoy dancing, but only with someone that you know…not some some DILF!!

Post # 6
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It is always difficult to deal with these situations.

I would just tell her that as much as I would like to have all the single people bring a date, it is just not possible.

Don’t go into any explanations about finances , seating etc, since often these people will attempt to come up with solutions  so they can bring a date.

Post # 7
20 posts
  • Wedding: July 2011

No way.  If she was in a serious relationship, that’s a different story.  But a “beautiful stranger” that she’s hoping to meet in the next month??? I don’t think so! Especially since this is an intimate wedding, you don’t want some random dude there. Stick to your guns!

Post # 8
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just tell her that the 2nd person is not invited.  End of story.  I think your in the right on this one, but I’d try to make it low key so that it doesn’t turn into drama.

Post # 9
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Personally, I always find it polite to allow the wedding party plus ones…even if others aren’t getting them. BUT, since she is not in a relationship, and you already didn’t include a plus one on the invitation-I would stick to it. Just explain to her that you didn’t allow any other guests to bring a date, and make it clear that you are not trying to single her out by not letting just her not bring a guest. Hopefully she will be understanding! and- I totally agree with julies about not giving explanations about finances and seating! Good Luck!

Post # 10
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think since you are planning an intimate wedding with only people you know and want to share your day with I would tell her no.  You have already explained to her that your wedding is small and she needs to respect that.  Besides your wedding is not the place for a first date, she can do that later on her own time and dime.

Post # 11
5 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

Like so many, she is a person that has to have her needs validated.  Let her know that you love and respect the fun and single side of her and want to support her on all her special occasions in the way she would want you to. That is what you wish from her on your special occasion.  Maybe something like: Your friendship is important to me and I hope you can respect our wishes to have the guest list remain as we intended. 

All the best to you for your beautiful day!


Post # 12
1094 posts
Bumble bee

Well, you don’t need matching numbers of bridesmaids andgroomsmen, and you have the requisite two witnesses even without this lady. And you wouldn’t be heart-broken without her attendance and she hasn’t been much of a support so far. Part of the distress caused in these situations comes simply from the confusion of trying to respond politely to impolite overtures. It’s time to create a little confusion in return:

I get a lot of mileage out of “innocently” assuming kind and polite motives on the part of the other person, and then responding to that. Confuses the hell out of people who never had a kind or polite motive to start with, and gives the benefit of the doubt to the people who did. In this case I’d smile muzzily at the bridesmaid and say “Oh, if you’re committed to going on a date that day, I totally understand that you can’t be there for the wedding! It’s really nice of you to try to come anyway, but I’m sure your young man would feel terribly out of place. Don’t worry about it at all: I would love to have you there, but you have to do what you have to do.” Then just get really confused when she tries to explain what she really wants because, quite frankly, in civilized circles her only two choices are to decline your invitation or accept it — not negotiate a change of terms. So pretend that whatever she answers is one of those two options and try hard to (mis)understand her answer as one of those two.

Then put a security guard at the entrance to the venue with a copy of the approved guest list and orders to admit no-one else.

Post # 13
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would just let her bring someone and then drop it. If she doesn’t know who she is brining now she probably isn’t going to find someone in a month-but she sounds like the type if you make a big deal she will search high and low for someone to bring.

Post # 15
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I would say NO! She doesn’t even have a date so I don’t really understand why she rsvp’d for two anyways. Plus if she was to bring a date and he was to sit at the head table, it would nice if you atleast knew the guy! I would be pissed if I was you, and I would tell her that it’s a def. no!

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