(Closed) Bridesmaid wants a plus one

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
1830 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d just phrase it as she’d be doing you a favor.  Two of my sisters (who were bridesmaids) wanted to go on a hunt for a date to the wedding or just bring a random friend.  I’m like seriously, you will have all your cousins (most sans date) there and most of my friends you know and have always had fun hanging out with.  So I just told them that if they invited a random it would mean one of my close friends would not be able to attend because of our space limitations and I’d really appreciate having my close friends there more than some random person that barely new me.  And since so many of our guests were already family and peoples SOs (married and Fiance or had been dating a long time) we were already were quite limited.  They relented eventually, especially after the guilt trip.  But I didn’t feel bad about the guilt trip at all, and they had plenty of fun without a date.

Post # 18
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@annieville76:  I think it’s really rude of her to be going around behind you and trying to get other people on her side.  I just don’t think your intimate wedding is the place for her to bring some guy she just met.  Do you really want people you don’t know and may never see again in your photos?  I would just lay down the law and tell her no and that this is an intimate wedding with guests that that you know and love and that she can find some other time to go on a date with a random guy.  She is not paying for the wedding and therefore gets no say in who gets invited or who gets a plus one.  Don’t stress over her petty demand, you have enough things going on without worring about her trying to find some way to hook up with a guy.

Post # 19
40 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

NO! There is no reason for it.  I imagine she will know someone else at the wedding that she can hang with, right?  Even if not, NO!  We are not allowing dates for anyone that is not in a long time relationship, and we don’t think it’s rude at all.  Space is limited and oh well…  Stick to your guns girl!

Post # 20
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally I think everyone in the bridal party deserves a plus one, but if you didn’t give it to your Maid/Matron of Honor, you certainly shouldn’t give it to a regular Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Just tell her that unmarried plus ones are not invited, and that’s that.

Post # 21
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@stacyreeves: Bridal party members are there to support the couple, so I don’t see why they would “deserve” to invite a guest of their choosing. Invitations are not favors or bargaining chips.

Post # 22
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Wow she is very bold and maybe hoping to be funny. I would just tell her because you are close friends you would be willing to make an exception to the plus one rule for her IF she was in some sort of relationship. I would tell her since she is not seeing anyone at this time, she must stick to the plus 1 rule like everyone else. I think she will understand.

Post # 23
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Just be like “sorry I can’t make an exception for one person. this was an across the board decision to keep the wedding costs/size down and it is what it is. “beautiful stranger” is not invited.”

If she still makes a big stink about it then tell her where to stick her beautiful stranger. Real friends understand these things when they are explicitly explained to them. For example, my Maid/Matron of Honor just broke up with her BF of a year+ and I asked her if she still wanted a plus one to bring a date or a guy friend or something and she said “no no don’t worry about it, I know that s**t is expensive. i’m fine going solo.” She = friend; your Bridesmaid or Best Man = selfish non-friend.

Post # 24
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

that would be a no sorry end of discussion

Post # 25
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s really up to you. Personally, I think everyone in the bridal party should have a plus one. Most of the bridal party are paying for plane flights and hotels, plus their outfits, attire, and the bachelor/bachelorette parties and bridal shower. I think it’s polite when they’re spending so much time and $$ to offer a plus one.

Post # 26
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with Treasure… I think it would be a nice gesture to allow the wedding party to bring a plus one considering the amount of money they are putting into your shower, bachelorette party and wedding day.  She might have even spent more on her bridesmaid’s dress than you will spend on her guest.  If it were me, I would drop the issue and let her bring a date.

Post # 27
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

She already imposed herself as a bridesmaid and then has not been any support.  While I generally agree that giving plus ones to wedding party is the right thing to do, since you did the same thing with Maid/Matron of Honor, I would tell her, “I wish we could accomodate this change but unfortunately we are not.”  I like what Aspasia said better but not sure if I could pull it off.

Aspasia- I like your style, and am curious how you use that in other situations.

The topic ‘Bridesmaid wants a plus one’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors