(Closed) Bridesmaid wants to be in two weddings?!?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I think you just need to be honest about your feelings and concerns.  I had a similiar situation of being engaged first and setting the date, and asked my Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Then her friend got engaged and chose the same date.  I told my friend that I wanted her to stand up for me to help me experience a big day in my life.  I need her to be there… not keeping up with some logistical schedule. I didn’t really want to be like "I knew you first, longer, etc!" but I was honest that it would upset me.  The other person changed her date to the week after and my friends now gets to do both.

Post # 4
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I have seen it done. I got married in the afternoon (1:30 p.m.) last May. One of my best friends announced us and gave a toast when we entered the reception. He was also an usher n another wedding that evening, about 90 min. away. My point is that it is doable. It depends, obviously, on how both brides feel about it, and the timing and distance.

 

Post # 5
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Be honest with her.  Don’t tell you’re okay with her being in another wedding on the same day as yours, if you’re not.  It may sound childish, but should her friend pick the same date as yours, then she needs to choose what wedding she most wants to be a part of and let the other bride choose another bridal party member.  The potential stress this could cause on everyone involved (her and both brides) is not something that anyone needs on their wedding day.

Post # 6
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks

I agree, she should have told her friend "I am not available to be a bridesmaid on X date" if she really wants to be in your wedding.  Then, if it’s really important to her friend that your bm be in her wedding, she’ll pick a date that she’s available.  I don’t care if she is equally good friends with both of you, or even if she’s closer to ther other friend – when you agree to be a bridesmaid in a wedding that means you are NOT AVAILABLE for other big events on that day!!!

Post # 7
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think that the position of Bridesmaid or Best Man carries rather more responsibility than an usher.  However, the main question is what do you expect from your BM?  My wedding is at 4:30; I expect that everybody playing a part will be there at 2:30 at the latest, dressed and ready, as that is when the photographer is showing up.  Before that, I’ll be getting ready, and while it would be nice to have some company and some help, I don’t really need more than one girlfriend, or my sister, and I don’t particularly want a whole crowd.  Luckily my venue will take care of all the set-up, so I don’t need members of the Bridal Party to help set out favors or stuff like that.

However, a wedding can be a full-day event!  When I was Maid/Matron of Honor for my sister, she took us to brunch, we all had our hair done, and then pictures, wedding, and reception.  We were busy from about 10:00 in the morning until the reception was over at 10:00 that night.  It would not have been reasonable to try to do anything else that day.

If you’re absolutely against your friend even trying to schedule around your wedding, then you should let her know (or if you have a full day of stuff planned, like my sister did).  If you are more like me, and so it might be entirely possible for her to do a morning wedding and early lunch reception and still show up, then I would just give her the must-not-miss schedule and let her know that you really need her to commit to everything on it.

You are also going to potentiall have rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner issues, you know, and you should put those items in the schedule as well.  Really, its probably just not reasonable for your friend to do both weddings, and she will have to choose one or the other.  But if you let her come to that conclusion on her own, she is less likely to feel bad about the decision.

Post # 8
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

I think you should just talk to your friend about the logistics and your expectations of her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The point of my example was to show that it could work under some circumstances.

Post # 9
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

wow – this feels like a scene from 27 dresses…yikes! good luck with this. i think that she should be your Bridesmaid or Best Man since you asked her first!

Post # 10
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2005

Despite 27 Dresses…it’s not feasible.

Post # 11
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

i think you have a right to feel upset!  if she agreed to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man first, then it’s rude for her to agree to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for someone else on the exact same day. 

since it’s obvious where her line of questioning is leading to, why not just ask her flat out?  it’s a little immature for her to be beating around the bush about this.  if she won’t step up and just admit it, confront her and say that while you understand that she is in a tough spot having to choose between two friends, it is just not feasible for you to deal with the stress of this during your wedding planning and the actual wedding itself.  i’m a pretty confrontational person though, and i recognize that not everyone appreciates my in-your-face approach. 😛

Post # 12
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

She’s already agreed to be in your wedding, if the other bride picks your day the right thing for this Bridesmaid or Best Man to do is let that Bride know she’s unavailable that day.

I assume that Bridesmaid or Best Man is asking the questions because the Other Bride is asking her too. The other Bride will soon understand why having her be in two weddings that day is impossible, as soon as her planning gets more underway. 

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