Bridesmaid wants to bring new bf…

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 196
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

weddingmaven :  You said it right there tradition does not equate to newer wedding styles. If Emily Post was so contemporary then they would have an etiquette for non tradtional weddings. You cannot bundle everything into either black or white. Many factors need to be considered. If your a traditionalist then good for you for following traditions. I, on the other hand, don’t think tradition is the be all and end all of weddings. My wedding is an hour away from all of my friends and family. I won’t be paying for their hotels and I don’t feel guilty about that. I don’t think there are many middle class couples who could afford or DO pay for their guests hotels. 

Post # 197
Member
12112 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

winewithwedding :  People do all kind of things. Just because something is a “new style” or even a trend doesn’t necessarily make it any more considerate to guests, or a wedding party that has to spend thousands to attend someone else’s idea of their vacation. 

We’ll have to agree to disagree. 

Post # 198
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

justwaiting1230 :  Honestly, if it’s destination, she probably just wants the gesture of him being invited. More than likely he will probably decline – he doesn’t know you and barely even knows her! Why would anyone fly out of state to do that for someone they just met’s friend?

Post # 199
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee

Threads like these make me sad. It seems like as soon as the OP mentioned $300 pp, people jumped on her. And then when it was made known it’s a destination wedding, even more so. Bees always say how other people want to spend their money is no one else’s business, but then they go judge bees who spend a lot on their own wedding. And saying if OP is paying so much pp then she can afford the extra guest is making other people’s finances your business.

I also find it sad that bees think it’s okay to be mean and rude to other bees because they were mean and rude first. And the lines “you came here asking for opinions, so that’s what you’re getting” or “you’re just looking for people who agree with you” are also so childish and just an excuse to continue being rude. Some of the responses on threads like these are said with such a judgmental and condescending tone. Maybe what they’re saying is technically correct, but there’s a nice way to say something and a not nice way to say something and I feel like that gets so lost on this website. I thought us women were supposed to lift each other up.

To the OP, I had a similar situation. My bridesmaid insisted on not wanting a plus one because she assumed she’d never find a guy in time. I budgeting for a plus one for her anyways just in case. Maybe she’d bring a friend. Well since the time I got engaged til now, she’s been basically engaged to 2 different guys. Planning their weddings, etc. It was weird to deal with and while I privately didn’t think the relationships were serious, I still wanted her to have the option. I personally wouldn’t want to go to a wedding with someone I had just started dating who was in the bridal party because I’d probably be alone most of the time at a wedding where I didn’t know anyone. And I definitely wouldn’t want to go to a destination wedding in that situation. When my friend insisted on not giving her a plus one, I did anyways. Since you listened to your friend and didn’t budget for a plus one, I think it’s fair to have a discussion with her about it that you’ve already planned on her not having a plus one. I see that it’s a moot point now since he said no, but I don’t think you should feel bad for not budgeting for it since she told you not to.

Post # 200
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I think I’m in the minority here. I think your friend is being inconsiderate when it comes to wedding planning. This is the last thing you need to worry about. 

2 weeks is nonsense. Are they even exclusive at this point? That is not a boyfriend, that’s a person shes gone on 4 dates with. I guess I’m really mean bc if my friend brought that to me I’d be like girl no and move on. I dont’ know if I’d take it seriously. I also don’t even understand why he would want to go. It’s way too soon. 

I also dont think you need to be overly accommodating bc its a Destination Wedding. Ppl going agreed to go. If I felt incredibly inconvenienced I would not have agreed to go. 

Talk to your friend and just explain you aren’t sure if you have the space especially b/c you asked 125 ppl for 100 max wedding. If you dont’ think the relationship will last the less you say about her relationship is best, keep it about the planning and space issues. 

Post # 202
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think it depends on the rest of the invites.. if the rest of the guests were invited + 1 then I would say its hard to say no. If the rest of the guests were only invited if they were engaged/married and that includes the rest of your wedding party, then its easy not to make an exception.

Aside from all that; your numbers sound like they play a factor. If you built your guest list with her saying no plus one and you are over; my opinion would be you let her know that if you have enough people say no, then you can add him, if not, then you cant go over capacity.

Post # 203
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

justwaiting1230 :  Jumping in, this is my situation too and OMG is it stressful. I’m praying for declines.

 

To answer your post, I don’t think she should get the plus one in this case, sorry. She even told you not to save one… unless it’s a long-term relationship I say nah. And DON’T feel bad about it!

Post # 204
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

The one addition to make someone who is an important part of your wedding happy and comfortable is worth it. Someone probably won’t show up between now and then.

Post # 205
Member
5 posts
Newbee

I would let her bring the plus one. 

Yes $300 is a lot but how do you know they won’t pay you back in wedding gifts? ask she’s your bridesmaid and she’s doing you a favour and helping you out – the least you can do is let her bring someone she currently finds important in her life. you can also see it as a chance to make a new friend 

I know you can’t please everyone and it’s your wedding, but this seems like such a low price to pay to keep your good friends happy 

regardless if you still don’t want to invite her bf, then just explain your thoughts but keep an open mind that she won’t always agree with you 

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