Post # 1
We are having a Cruise wedding in January and we are paying for all of the bridal party. The final payment is in already.
The problem is that one of the bridesmaids had a baby 2 weeks ago. She was going to have her mother watch the baby while we went on the cruise and everything was good. She called me today and said she was no longer comfortable leaving the baby with her mother. The other option was her grandmother, but she is not ok with that either.
We will be out $1000. Is it wrong to think she is over reacting. If her mother could raise her and her three siblings she can handle her grandchild for five days.
Post # 3
@bam_461: I think its a little nuts that she’s dropping out. Is there someone else you could have come? Is she aware of the fact that she’s costing you $1000? Did she say she would go before she was pregnant? Is there any way the baby can come?
Post # 4
She did agree to go before she was pregnant, but was still ok with it after. We also looked into bringing the baby but the baby will only be 3 months and she has to be 6 to cruise.
Post # 5
At least she is letting you know now. Is there anyway you can transfer the cost of her cruise to on board credit or get a portion refunded?
Post # 6
We are checking into that.
Post # 7
I’ll be honest and say I side with your Bridesmaid or Best Man, even though I understand that it sucks that she originally agreed to go and now you are out $1k, which I’m sure you could used towards something else.
I think it is tempting to say that she is overreacting by not wanting her mother or grandmother to watch her kids when they’re the ones that watched her, but that was at least 18 years ago. Their health was likely a lot better then. For example, Darling Husband and I agreed that even though his mother raised him and his siblings, his parents are no longer healthy enough to watch our children for long stretches of time. They are frequently at the doctors for checkups and are on a variety of medication.
I don’t know if she is a new mother or if she has other kids (I’m assuming not) but I can imagine that as a new mother, she is probably extra cautious. There is always the possibility that in the next few months, she may change her mind as her baby will be older. Is she willing to pay for a portion of the $1k?
Post # 8
She is young. Her mother is in her 40’s and still sha 2 kids she shares custody with that are 11 and 14.
Post # 9
I am in agreeance that people should honor their commitments, however she’s a new mom and she could be feeling/thinking a lot of different emotions, so consider that before judging what you would do or whether or not she’s overreacting. I think that if she decides not to go and you will be ‘out’ $1,000, you either figure out how to ask for her to reimburse some of the costs or you eat the money by way of being a good friend.
Post # 10
I can see both sides to this.
On the one hand, if I’d been in that situation, I’d have been worried that while she might have been fine with it while pregnant, she could very easily and quickly change her mind once the baby came along. Because of that, I would have either kindly asked her to step down, or else asked her to pay for herself, as that way, if she did change her mind (which I personally would have felt very likely) I wouldn’t be out of pocket. So, I kind of think you were a little naive to take her at her word.
But on the other hand, naivety isn’t a crime. Ultimately, she assured you she would be there, you paid for her, and are now massively out of pocket. I don’t think you can pressure her to attend; but I think she should stump up at least some of the money that you’re out of pocket by. If I were her, I would feel awful, and would be making sure I paid in full for any costs that the couple had paid on my behalf.
Difficult situation. If it were me, and she didn’t offer to pay, it would spell the end of our friendship TBH. I fully understand why she’s had a change of heart, and like I said, I think you were a little naive for not seeing that coming; but it’s totally unfair to leave you $1000 out of pocket because she changed her mind.
Post # 11
Could there be something else going on that she doesn’t want to leave their baby with her mom? She might be overreacting, or maybe she…I don’t know, caught her mom shaking the baby and is ashamed to give details.
Post # 12
Ya it sucks…
BUT it is what it is.
Having a baby is a HUGE LIFE CHANGING MOMENT… so I can understand totally WHY she may have changed her mind about the Wedding.
Even to the point that she may have been ok with it just a short time ago… Babies have this effect on people… when they are your own, the mother bear instinct kicks in and you don’t want to leave them with anyone else, and you sure as heck don’t want to MISS a minute of them.
This stuff even happens to the folks who you otherwise would never have thought it possible.
Babies are MAGICAL MIRACLES.
So… ya, you need to cut your Bridesmaid or Best Man some slack… I assume you picked her because you two were good GFs, buddies and pals BEFORE this life changing moment for her (heck remember here, you too are about to embark on a life-changing moment of your own… and you have no idea how that will alter you down the road, be it immediately after the I DO’s or a month or so later)
As MrsMeNow: has said, you should contact the Cruise Line, explain the situation (including the Wedding part), and see what your alternatives / options are in regards of where to go from here.
I know that if it is an off-shore International Cruise, from the USA chances are slim that you’ll be able to send an alternate (due to Customs & Immigration / Homeland Security issues… name on ticket must match Passport). BUT there is a possiblity that the Cruise Line might “play nice” and give you a refund or credit… especially so if they are able to resell the cabin she has booked.
Worth a phone call.
Post # 13
She video chated with her mom and her mom was a little drunk. They live in diffrent states.
Post # 14
Is she breastfeeding?
Even if she’s not, leaving your baby for 5 days at 3 months is a huuuuuuuge thing, which I certainly never did. It’s hard to answer without knowing the circumstances of how she ever agreed to this in the first place and how much she was informed (i.e. did she really know she couldn’t bring the baby?).
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Before I was ever pregnant, I would’ve thought that spending a few days or even a week away from baby at 3 months would be no big deal, but now that I’m 3 months from giving birth and have beent alkign to and spending time with other mothers, I realize that for most people, this is not okay. You Bridesmaid or Best Man probably thought she’d be able to handle the separation before, but now that she’s faced with the reality, she’s realized that it’s just not possible, especially if she’s breastfeeding, but even if she isn’t.
This is a bad situation for both of you. I hope you are able to transfer the ticket.
Post # 16
While I do believe people should honor their commitments, I think it’s not realistic to expect a mother to leave a five-month-old baby for five days, even if the baby’s caretaker is the baby’s grandmother. I would try to find someone to take her spot, and if that’s not possible, I would split the $1000 with the bridesmaid. Technically it’s her “fault” for backing out, but I belive that a cruise wedding would demand that the hosts have a higher degree of flexibility with their guests and their bridal party.
Another option would be to offer to have the BM’s mother or a trusted friend go on the cruise too, and have the Bridesmaid or Best Man bring the baby. This way she can leave the baby in care of her mother or friend during the wedding and other festivities but not be so far away for the better part of a week.
By The Way where is the child’s father in all of this? Would he not be the logical caretaker if the Bridesmaid or Best Man wants to leave town for a few days?