(Closed) Bridesmaid wearing her dress before wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 61
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Another reason I paid for my BMs’ dresses. They chose them (each had a different one) but I paid for them and even stored them at my house until the day of the wedding. (On Bridesmaid or Best Man lived with a smoker, another lived with a lot of dogs…I wanted the dresses clean and perfect.) Because I’d paid for them, they were “mine” until after the wedding, so I was comfortable calling the shots that way.

In any case, I can see why you’d be hesitant about this. Outdoor wedding + long chiffon dress sounds like a disaster. Even if she tries to be careful, who knows what may happen? At the end of the day though, she paid for it, it belongs to her. Yes it was chosen for your wedding, and I still do think there’s something to that argument, but because she owns the dress, you don’t really get to say “no.”

Brides: either pay for the dresses, or accept the fact you don’t get the final say.

Post # 62
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hmmm. First of all, props to your Maid/Matron of Honor for calling you to check. That was very considerate of her.

Secondly, this issue hits close to home for me. I chose a very practical lace knee-length dress for my bridesmaids. My Maid/Matron of Honor wore hers to attend a wedding before mine. She never asked permission or really thought of it as a concern. I only know becasue I saw a picture. I don’t believe that she did it to be rude because she is the kindest person. I think it just made sense to her. It was for me not to say anything about it…what good would it do? It already happened. However, it still makes me a bit annoyed.

So that being said, I’m glad that she asked for your input. I would personally tell her no because it is for YOUR special day, not another friend’s. My situation is a little different because she didn’t stand in that wedding, just attended, but I was still counting on my Maid/Matron of Honor to keep my day special for me.

Post # 63
Member
8992 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

mrswarner:  did you pay for the dress? Because unless you did then you get no say in what she does with it. Sorry but if you want something for your special day then you need to pay for it. It is unfair to be annoyed at your Bridesmaid or Best Man because the dress by rights is her’s if she paid for it.

Post # 64
Member
663 posts
Busy bee

She would probably get her dress cleaned before your wedding. I mean who wants to show up to a wedding in a dirty dress when all eyes will be on the wedding party (bride first of course). The only thing that would bug me would be the pictures, but honestly it won’t actually look that similar since you’ll have a unified look and the other bride won’t so don’t sweat the small stuff. 

Post # 65
Member
730 posts
Busy bee

ansmith1530:  definitely agree to let her wear it. Be gracious. Don’t make her buy 2 purple long bm dresses. If it gets dirty she has lots of time to get it cleaned. be a big person

Post # 66
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

ansmith1530:  After reading about your situation with the other bride, I understand better. I’d probably be irritated but I’d just tell my Maid/Matron of Honor it is up to her. Because if we were super close I know my Maid/Matron of Honor wouldn’t wear it if I said it made me uncomfortable and then she’d have to spend more. I hope whatever you chose worked/works out!

Post # 67
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Let her wear it .. She paid for it …. I’m sure if it gets dirty she will have it cleaned properly I wouldn’t worry to much after all it is just a ceremony 

Post # 68
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

Wow, all of you who said no are just.being crazy! She.can clean it if it.gets dirty. Saying no she cant wear it somewhere else is ridiculous. She paid for it! Its her dress! If you want to be able to dictate that your brideamaids only wear it at YOUR wedding, pay for Them so you own them. Plus, you are being pretry judgmental on their financial situation. Its really none of your business what they spend their money on or how much they spend or.not on their wedding. 

Post # 69
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Unacceptable.  I can see her side and if the wedding was after yours it would be completely different.  I doubt the dress would get sorry and if it did it likely could be cleaned but it’s unfair to you to have the dress showcased at another wedding prior to yours. 

Post # 70
Member
246 posts
Helper bee

i totally hear you, but if you’re worried about it getting dirty, she just needs to promise to get it dry cleaned, and if you’re worried about it being kind of spoiled on social media, i’ll just say that i’ve seen 100 bridesmaids dresses on social media and couldn’t tell you right now what a single one of them looked like hahaha.

so i agree it’s not awesome, but i think it’ll be nicer/easier/happier to agree to her wearing it (since she can anyway) and as long as it’s clean it’s fine. 

i do relate to the urge to say no though!!

Post # 71
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee

ansmith1530:  I personally would say fine, just make sure you dryclean it very well. You’re not competing with this other wedding, and even if you did, there will be NO COMPETITION. If this other wedding was AFTER yours, there would be no question that your Maid/Matron of Honor should get the mileage of her $160 dress she paid for, so see yourself as being a generous, understanding friend. If the roles were reveresed, wouldn’t you not want to buy two bridemaids dresses, one to wear at a “non reception” wedding? It’s not about being charitable to the old sorority sister, its about being chartiable to your Maid/Matron of Honor and just making her life easier. All the nice things she is going to do for you for your wedding, this is a really easy way to give something back. It won’t cost you anyting to set your mindset to “whatever” when you think about that other wedding and its mismatched Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses with no booze! 

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 12 months ago by Profile Photo vintagekitten.

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