Bridesmaid went out clubbing night before wedding, ditched me on the day

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

This is terrible, plain and simple. You needed her and she didn’t even have the composure to tell you where she was and what was going on. I would cut her off and not engage in any contact. If she tries to get in touch, tell her simply, “When I needed you, you were not there.” Be blunt. You’re all grownups and she can handle it.

Post # 17
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Nope. Nope. Nope. This is a relationship ender. I would block her number and block her from all social media. There is something fishy going on beyond her night out like a substance abuse disorder. I don’t see how you could ever forgive her unless she seeks help. The biggest thing for me is she didn’t even bring your evening dress. She had a wedding and knew the expectations. 

Post # 18
Member
1504 posts
Bumble bee

Cut her out of your life and don’t think twice about it! What an ugly person 

Post # 19
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Did you ever get your evening gown? 

Sorry you had to deal with that straight up ratchetness.  Drop this chick like a bad habit….but get that dress!

Post # 22
Member
2612 posts
Sugar bee

It’s very rare you get a unanimous opinion from everyone on this site – particularly in support of an upset bride – so I think it’s safe for you to conclude that your friend was thoroughly and unquestionably s**tty 

Have you spoken to her since? 

Post # 24
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
danysnow :   That trick tried you, attempted to ruin your day and now gets to keep your dress??? Aw HEEELLLL NO!  Honestly, I’d be more pissed than hurt because this was completely reckless, disrespectful, uncalled for behavior and let’s not forget immature.  I definitely wouldn’t let that trick keep a nice dress I paid for because I don’t know what to say to her….EF that!  Soooo I need you to get your hackles up bee and claim your property.  Take your ride-or-die girl with you if you need to.  Every girl should have a ride-or-die friend.  If you don’t have one then get one!

Post # 25
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
danysnow :  I’m so sorry you had to go through this. What an awfully shitty situation your friend brought to your wedding day. I really hope you can find a way to see past this and feel fortunate for what you DO have: an amazing husband, and other decent, thoughtful friends. 

I think you are right when you said you should invest your time now in these other friends. Surround yourself with nice people and drop this horrible woman. 

Post # 26
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee

That’s horrible. Some ppl complain Maid/Matron of Honor is not helping them arrange all the centerpieces and perceive that to be terrible. This is truly what a bad Maid/Matron of Honor looks like. 

Post # 27
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

No, i don’t think this is about you taking the lead.

This is obviously a lot deeper than that. Her behaviour is actually worrisome to me.

Post # 28
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
danysnow :  It’s not you, not your fault.  I’m so sorry you’re hurting. 

However, your ex-friend may have a personality disorder of some sort, narcissism at the very least. 

She intentionally treated you with disrespect and an utter lack of care on the most important occasion of your life.  It’s her loss, but since you are the real human one you are suffering, because you have a heart and she’s callous.  You only thought she was really your friend because you really were a friend to her.  In the long run you’ll realize you’re better off with her out of your life.

Post # 29
Member
2986 posts
Sugar bee

I’m so so sorry Bee 🙁 That’s so horrible of her. She sounds like a terrible friend to be honest. 

Post # 30
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

I’m so sorry this happened, Bee.  It’s time to cut ties with her, but I think you already know that.  In the end, she will be the one who loses out.  Her work friends may seem appealing and fun right now, but in time, that will all lose its luster.  Probably when the whole group of them ends up in recovery for substance abuse and they realize they had nothing else in common.  

I would send your DH to her house to pick up your gown.  Don’t even bother contacting her yourself.  Just have him go, knock on the door, and ask her to bring it out to him.  Tell him not to engage in any other conversation.  If she tries to complain or be defensive, have him tell her, “I’m sorry, but I’m not talking about this” and shut it down.  

You may never get an explanation, but to me, this seems like she’s regressed to a party stage of life with her new friends.  She’s in a very selfish place right now, and you are the one who suffered for that.  I know it’s hard right now, because you miss the friendship, but I agree with you– you can cultivate that with someone else, someone who will actually value what you bring to the table. 

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