(Closed) Bridesmaid with 9 mo old baby

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should babies under 1 year be at a wedding?
    Yes : (20 votes)
    48 %
    No : (14 votes)
    33 %
    Yes, only if they are family : (8 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    2555 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    if you have other babies at the ceremony, you have to have hers. if you won’t, just tell her 

    Post # 4
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    If there are other kids, then as she is in your Bridal Party… and automatically assumed to be EXTREMELY CLOSE (like a relative)… I think you need to back off, and let her bring the baby

    Ya it sucks… but unless you are having a NO KIDS – NO HOW – NO WAY Wedding it is difficult to make the ruling specifically for her.

    Sorry… I don’t have any better news.


    Post # 5
    8695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I also agree that it’s either NO kids or her baby has to be allowed to come. Bridal party should get similar exceptions like the family.

    Post # 6
    46420 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @thundersvine:  Does your church have a cradle room where parents can take crying children? If  so, I would make sure they knew about it.

    Post # 7
    7735 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    A mother’s perspective: 9 months old now, so 13 months old at the time of the wedding? You should be able to insist she gets a sitter, that is plenty old enough. 9 months old at the time of the wedding is borderline, but I think should be able to be babysat at that age also. (I didn’t vote because younger babies are fine at weddings, it’s at around 6-9 months that they get mobile, as well as less dependent on breastfeeding, so are less appropriate at weddings and easier to babysit).

    IMO it’s fine to invite nieces and nephews (who you know and are related to) and not children of bridal party members (who you don’t know). (Being in the bridal party doesn’t make you less able to get a babysittter, or make your children related to the bride and groom.). I’ve seen it done a couple of times – but in those cases the bridesmaids/groomsmen were fine with it.

    My concern is if you make an exception for your Bridesmaid or Best Man, what about other guests with young children? Then again if there are no other guests with babies or toddlers, you might get away with it.

    Post # 8
    1828 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I think that you will have to let her bring the baby. She has been truthful in saying that she will never have a babysitter and you still chose her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Since you already knew about this, you should have discussed it prior to/when asking her so she could decline if she wanted.

    Post # 9
    1497 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Do they not have family that could watch the baby? Must the father and baby be present at the ceremony, or could they go into another room/area? I know that it would suck for him to miss it, but if I had a fussy baby, there is NO WAY I would risk ruining someone’s wedding. To me, that would be mortifying, and I don’t understand why it wouldn’t be to other people.

    Post # 12
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee

    You need to decide what is most important to you.

    1) No kids besides family/out of state

    2) Having your friend in your wedding party.

    If someone is close enough to have in your wedding party, then IMO they are close like family and should receive the accommodations provided to family.

    But you certainly aren’t required to invite this child by any type of etiquette standard.  But be prepared that if you stand your ground that your Bridesmaid or Best Man may back out of your wedding, and could potentially damage your future relationship.

    Only you can decide which is most important, and which consequences you are most willing to live with.


    Post # 13
    1966 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Think its rude to tell her she can’t bring her 9month old if you have other kids there. At 9months my daughter was pretty independent & was walking. She could sit through mass quietly. All children are different, by the time the baby is 9months she/he could be a saint. 

    Post # 14
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    In reality the only time that a crying baby will be an issue is the ceremony.  During the ceremony your Maid/Matron of Honor will be the one to attend to you and your attention will be focused entirely on your Fiance.  If you would like a quieter ceremony with limited distractions than ask her to hold her baby during the ceremony.  At 9 months kids can be in the clingy “mommy” stage.  Best to have a quiet baby than uncomfortable crying.  GL!

    Post # 15
    7992 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Here’s the deal:

    – She has every right to bring her small child with her.

    – If you don’t want the child there, you need to tell her immediately so that she can step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

    Sorry… but you have to choose.

    Post # 16
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @thundersvine:  OP, while I understand needing your Maid/Matron of Honor to be there for you on this very important day, no matter how close the two of you are, she is a mother first. Children, and especially young babies, trump everything else and that’s just the way it goes. Maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor will have no problem leaving the baby with her husband or even a babysitter or family member during your wedding-but that’s her choice to make, not yours. It’s hard when you have the perfect vision of your wedding day and the people closest to you and how everything should work out. But as a mother with a newborn, her concern for her child is going to be greater than her concern for anything or anyone else. For the happiness of your Maid/Matron of Honor, and ultimately for yourself, I would extend the invitation for her to bring her baby, and leave it completely up to her whether or not she’ll bring him. 

    I am sure that prior to and during the ceremony, dad will be just fine watching the baby, and during the reception when things are a little more relaxed, it won’t be such a hassle for her to attend to her baby if she needs to, and you’ll very likely be so busy with other people and your new husband, that you won’t even notice or care.

    good luck! 

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