Post # 1
Bridesmaid with extremely long hair- My future sister in law Meg has extremely long hair. I am not talking mid back. I am talking down to her ankles. This has been kind of an issue during wedding planning. My fiance her brother thinks should at least trim her hair. I think the same. She has not cut her hair in over 5 years. The last time she cut it, it was done by her mom in her mom’s kitchen with kitchen shears. She seems to have poor self esteem and does not always take care of herself. At this point the issue almost seems to be hygienic. Most of the time she does not wear it down. When she wears it up however it is still so long that complete strangers will come up to her and like grab her hair and ask why its so long. I personally find this embarrassing and strange but I feel like its her choice to do what she wants as long as its not hurting anyone. With the wedding she wants to be a bridesmaid and when we were all discussing hair dos. It started to stress both me and my fiance out. She said she wanted to participate in the salon hair do thing and said she would wear her hair up. This is honestly a huge relief. However, now we are both concerned that maybe a hair dresser wont want to work on her because it has been growing an additional year and she could probably step on it if she wore it down. I understand people have seen long hair but I honestly don’t know if hair dressers have seen hair this long. WE are both wondering what can be done with her besides a ginormous bun? My fiance and I were talking and we both think she should at least get a trim of the hair before the wedding day. We don’t want to change her long hair but we would like for it to be manageable for the wedding day so a hair dresser wont be like extremely freaked out by it. Even if she trimmed like 6 inches off I don’t think it would be very noticeable it would still be past her butt. I know this sounds rude but if you saw her hair I think you’d understand. It is getting to the point where we think she should enter contests jokingly. Its that long. She never wears it down so we both don’t really get it. One of her friends made a joke that she could tie up guys with it. My fiance her brother is thinking about asking her to trim it a few inches. Do you guys think this is okay to at least ask not demand? It seems like almost like she doesn’t care about herself at this point and maybe it would be good to encourage her to take care of herself. I was been really upset going back and forth about this idea of asking her to trim it. I think hes going to ask her either way. What do you guys think? I honestly feel so upset about this so please be easy on me and try to imagine yourself in this situation. Whenever she takes it down even for a second it draws a crowd and numerous comments. I personally don’t want to deal with this on my wedding day and I am scared like honestly scared that they wont agree to work on her hair and its going to cause a big problem the day of the wedding day. I would never ask someone to like dye their hair to hide their tattoo. The problem here is that its so out of control I think its going to be an actual problem.
~ Concerned Bride
Post # 2
I don’t think you should ask her to cut it. I think that is where I draw the line with bridesmaids – you can tell them what to wear (within reason), ask that they get a manicure or something, but I dont’ think it is appropriate to ask them to change parts of their actual body (like covering up tatoos or cutting their hair). I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who doesn’t shave her armpits or legs – would I have preferred if she shaved for the day? I mean a small petty part of me would have preferrred that, yes, but I would have never said anything to her about it. It’s her body and that’s who she is.
You say that Future Sister-In-Law always wears her hair up anyway. Maybe send a pic of her long hair to the stylist at the salon and if they say they can’t deal with hair that long, just have her put it up herself like she normally does?
Post # 3
I don’t think you can ask her to cut her hair because of the wedding.
However, if you think it’s a porblem/unhygenic/because of insecurity, I do think you or him could try and talk to her about her hair, ask her why she keeps it so long and see how she responds.
Post # 4
Didn’t you post this a few weeks ago?
You were already told to leave her alone, you can’t make her cut her hair and stop using the excuse that the stylist wouldn’t work with her.
You have made the tone of this slightly less cruel and judgmental than last time, are you hoping for different answers? I think it’s unlikely you’ll get them.
Post # 5
I’m sorry I didn’t read it all. Put aside your feelings for a second. Don’t you think it’s ridiculous for someone to make a drastic change, like cut 6+ inches of hair off, for someone else’s wedding? Because the bride and groom think it’s for the best?
Post # 6
weddinggirl2009 : Before you create a problem that may be unnecessary, why not simply ask the hairdresser if they are comfortable working with hair that length? Chances are, they will be fine with it.
If for any reason, they’re not, just let your SIL know that the hairdresser doesn’t feel confident working with hair of her length, so if she would like an updo, you can work with her to find someone who can do it for her.
As for the attention – any of FI’s family or friends will be familiar with her hair already and not even blink an eye, which is half your guests. Also, things that generally draw attention day-to-day are usually overshadowed by the bridge and groom at weddings.
Post # 7
I for the life of me can’t comprehend how you think your wedding is grounds to say someone’s extremely long hair is going to be a problem. Really? REALLY??? I mean, she’s managed to get through every day life with long hair. How is it so unreasonable to expect she can’t make it through your wedding? I think what it all boils down to is you don’t like her hair and you don’t want it at your wedding. And to that I say, too bad. Her hair may not be in good condition and truly made need to be cut, but that is none of your business. If you had a problem with it, you shouldn’t have asked her to be in your wedding.
Post # 8
You literally already posted this.
How rude of you to think you can tell someone what to do with their hair. Obviously she likes it that way. I promise long hair won’t upstage you at your wedding and its childish of you to think that way.
If you have a problem with her appearance than why did you ask her to be in your wedding in the first place?
Post # 10
weddinggirl2009 : I don’t understand why you are creating such drama about this. Ask her to go consult with a hairdresser and let the hairdresser decide what she can do. If it is that long the hairdresser may suggest to your Future Sister-In-Law that she has a trim. Don’t get stuck in the middle. There is no way that you asking her to trim her hair will make you look good.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t be super thrilled with her hair but I wouldn’t dare ask her to cut it. I would check with the hairdresser first though and see if they are willing to work with it. Or if it’s even possible to do the hair style that she desires to avoid any day of embarrassment.
Post # 12
No, you can’t ask her to cut her hair.
Post # 13
While my hair isn’t anywhere near as long as your SIL, it is about hip length. While a stylist at a cheaper salon did have trouble giving me an up do for prom, I think a higher end salon would be able to do something with her hair.
This is what I plan on doing for my wedding. I think maybe a style like this could work for your SIL as well. Obviously hers would be bigger and longer than the photo.
I don’t think it’s right at all for you to ask her to cut her hair. She had long hair when you asked her to be in the wedding.
Post # 14
Absolutely not. You knew what her hair looked like before you asked her to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 15
A hair stylist can do her hair and might actually enjoy having something different to work with. You can’t ask her to cut her hair.
I would ask Her to look for updo ideas to bring with her to the hairstylist. When you go for your trial, can you bring her too? I think it would be good for her self esteem and also give the hair stylist extra time to work on things.