Bridesmaid with extremely long hair

posted 2 years ago in Beauty
Post # 2
7765 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I don’t think you should ask her to cut it. I think that is where I draw the line with bridesmaids – you can tell them what to wear (within reason), ask that they get a manicure or something, but I dont’ think it is appropriate to ask them to change parts of their actual body (like covering up tatoos or cutting their hair). I had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who doesn’t shave her armpits or legs – would I have preferred if she shaved for the day? I mean a small petty part of me would have preferrred that, yes, but I would have never said anything to her about it. It’s her body and that’s who she is. 

You say that Future Sister-In-Law always wears her hair up anyway. Maybe send a pic of her long hair to the stylist at the salon and if they say they can’t deal with hair that long, just have her put it up herself like she normally does?

Post # 3
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I don’t think you can ask her to cut her hair because of the wedding.

However, if you think it’s a porblem/unhygenic/because of insecurity, I do think you or him could try and talk to her about her hair, ask her why she keeps it so long and see how she responds.

Post # 4
741 posts
Busy bee

Didn’t you post this a few weeks ago?

You were already told to leave her alone, you can’t make her cut her hair and stop using the excuse that the stylist wouldn’t work with her.

You have made the tone of this slightly less cruel and judgmental than last time, are you hoping for different answers? I think it’s unlikely you’ll get them. 

Post # 5
1045 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry I didn’t read it all. Put aside your feelings for a second. Don’t you think it’s ridiculous for someone to make a drastic change, like cut 6+ inches of hair off, for someone else’s wedding? Because the bride and groom think it’s for the best? 

Post # 6
4516 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

weddinggirl2009 :  Before you create a problem that may be unnecessary, why not simply ask the hairdresser if they are comfortable working with hair that length? Chances are, they will be fine with it.

If for any reason, they’re not, just let your SIL know that the hairdresser doesn’t feel confident working with hair of her length, so if she would like an updo, you can work with her to find someone who can do it for her.

As for the attention – any of FI’s family or friends will be familiar with her hair already and not even blink an eye, which is half your guests. Also, things that generally draw attention day-to-day are usually overshadowed by the bridge and groom at weddings.

Post # 7
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I for the life of me can’t comprehend how you think your wedding is grounds to say someone’s extremely long hair is going to be a problem.  Really?  REALLY???  I mean, she’s managed to get through every day life with long hair.  How is it so unreasonable to expect she can’t make it through your wedding?  I think what it all boils down to is you don’t like her hair and you don’t want it at your wedding.  And to that I say, too bad.  Her hair may not be in good condition and truly made need to be cut, but that is none of your business.  If you had a problem with it, you shouldn’t have asked her to be in your wedding.  

Post # 8
2528 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You literally already posted this. 

How rude of you to think you can tell someone what to do with their hair. Obviously she likes it that way. I promise long hair won’t upstage you at your wedding and its childish of you to think that way.

If you have a problem with her appearance than why did you ask her to be in your wedding in the first place?

Post # 10
8740 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

weddinggirl2009 :  I don’t understand why you are creating such drama about this. Ask her to go consult with a hairdresser and let the hairdresser decide what she can do. If it is that long the hairdresser may suggest to your Future Sister-In-Law that she has a trim. Don’t get stuck in the middle. There is no way that you asking her to trim her hair will make you look good.

Post # 11
5 posts
  • Wedding: September 2018

I wouldn’t be super thrilled with her hair but I wouldn’t dare ask her to cut it. I would check with the hairdresser first though and see if they are willing to work with it. Or if it’s even possible to do the hair style that she desires to avoid any day of embarrassment. 

Post # 12
9511 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

No, you can’t ask her to cut her hair.


Post # 13
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

While my hair isn’t anywhere near as long as your SIL, it is about hip length. While a stylist at a cheaper salon did have trouble giving me an up do for prom, I think a higher end salon would be able to do something with her hair. 

This is what I plan on doing for my wedding. I think maybe a style like this could work for your SIL as well. Obviously hers would be bigger and longer than the photo.


I don’t think it’s right at all for you to ask her to cut her hair. She had long hair when you asked her to be in the wedding.

Post # 14
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Absolutely not. You knew what her hair looked like before you asked her to be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 15
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

A hair stylist can do her hair and might actually enjoy having something different to work with. You can’t ask her to cut her hair.

I would ask Her to look for updo ideas to bring with her to the hairstylist. When you go for your trial, can you bring her too? I think it would be good for her self esteem and also give the hair stylist extra time to work on things. 

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