Bridesmaid with extremely long hair

posted 3 years ago in Beauty
Post # 16
4605 posts
Honey bee

Lots of hairdressers work with extremely long hair – they just charge extra because it takes more time that they could be spending taking on an additional client.  Do you really think a hairdresser hates making money?  If you pay them, they will do it.

Stop hiding your superficiality under the guise of actually caring about her.  If you were that concerned about her health and well-being you would have said something long before your wedding came into the picture.  She didn’t just grow her hair to that length overnight and presumably you’re not a mail- order bride just encountering her and her hair for the first time. 

It was inappropriate the first time you asked and nothing you have said this time makes it any less inappropriate.  Just scout out hairdressers knowing it will take more time and cost extra and then the sister can work out the rest of the details with the hairdresser.  Her body, her choice. Always. Surely you can find better things to worry about than someone else’s hair or losing out on a minute of attention. 

Post # 17
675 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would also ask about a style like this. Having her hair curled and pinned to the top of her head will make her hair much shorter. Or even tight curls in a pony tail with some of her hair wrapped around the elastic would look nice. 

Post # 18
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If you’re concerned about styles look up apostolic hairstyles. There are many beautiful updos for super long hair. If I were her I would not be willing to cut my hair for a wedding.

Post # 19
1552 posts
Bumble bee

Firstly, you cannot tell her to cut her hair for your wedding. If she just loves long hair and she maintains it then there is no problem. A hairdresser will not turn away service for long hair, they would appreciate knowing in advance though and maybe doing a trial. 

BUT second, if you believe this is a hygeine issue and a low self esteem issue, its worth having someone close to her talk to her about her hair, not to cut it but to discuss her feelings and why she wants long hair. Is it because she loves long hair, then great no problems. If she doesnt wash it or maintain it and its because she has low self esteem, poor self worth, hides behind it, is scared of cutting it (and I write this because I knew a girl with hair cutting phobia and low self esteem who sounds like your FSIL) then she needs help, like mental health help. If you really believe this issue could be a mental one, then for her sake it shouldnt be ‘brushed’ aside and forgotten about. 

Post # 20
43 posts

I used to be on a forum for long hair (and hair health in general), so here’s the other side to consider: hair that length doesn’t just happen. It’s extremely difficult to maintain that length without it breaking. Also, length alone is not at all related to hygiene. Chances are high she puts tons of effort into maintaining her hair, and has put years of work into growing it out. Would you be comfortable getting a buzz cut to be in someone else’s wedding?

There are tons of beautiful updos for extremely long hair – google, or seek advice from a forum dedicated to long hair. Have you discussed it with her? She may already know plenty of beautiful styles that she knows would work for her.

Post # 21
209 posts
Helper bee

It’s her hair and her choice. 

Your choice is whether to have her as a bridesmaid or not.

Personally, I didn’t chose my bridesmaids based on how they looked or wore their hair. I chose them because they were important to me.

There are lots of beautiful styles for very long hair. I am sure a stylist can work with her.

Post # 22
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

weddinggirl2009 :  You can’t tell her to get it cut or trim it. Period. If you want to truly help her, send a picture to whichever hair stylist you choose and get their professional opinion–not yours or your FI’s who are clearly “embarrassed” by this and morphing it into a bigger issue than it is. 

By the way, a few years ago, my hair was down to my butt. I loved my hair. It is big, curly, and majestic. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and the bride (a friend from high school) asked me to cut it because I clearly needed to “freshen up.” I was offended, pushed back, and she said that my hair looked out of control and simply wouldn’t look good at the wedding. Now, I did not have a straight up Hagrid-hairdo, but it was long and curly. In the end, I cut it, but since, my friend and I have not had the same relationship at all. 

OP, the best suggestion is to have your Future Sister-In-Law send you sample hair styles she would be interested in and then pass them along to the hair stylist. Other than that, drop it. DROP. IT. 

Post # 23
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I used to have hair long enough to sit on, if anyone had the nerve to tell me what to do with it they would have been promptly told to f*ck off. My advice for this is drop it. Professional stylists work with all types/lengths of hair and will figure something out.

Post # 24
3091 posts
Sugar bee

Whattt???? Cut her hair BECAUSE she is gonna be a bridesmaid? Can I borrow some of your nerve? Sheesh.

How about not asking someone to be a bridesmaid whose looks you would want to change?

I literally dont get this.

Post # 25
1862 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

First of all, I find it absurd that hordes of strangers are groping this poor woman’s hair wherever she goes.  Her brother should be defending her, not feeling humiliated by her.  If anyone should feel humiliated, it is the rude people who never learned not to grab strangers’ hair.

 That aside, you should bring her with you to get a consultation from the hair stylist.  The amount of time and money needed to do her hair may vary because of her extreme hair length.  Make sure the stylist you choose is one who feels comfortable working with her.  If she can afford it, maybe she could also consider getting a hair trial with the stylist ahead of time.  Do not ask her to cut her hair.  Your concerns about the stylist are somewhat valid, but the right solution is not to ask her to change her hair for the wedding.

Post # 26
379 posts
Helper bee

“I feel like its her choice to do what she wants as long as its not hurting anyone.”

Exactly, so leave her alone. 

Post # 27
2068 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

If this is a self esteem issue, do you really think the best way to approach this is by you and her brother approaching her and asking her to change her appearance for your special day? Because she doesn’t quite look good enough?

You also say 6 inches like that’s a trim. I think you actually do call it a trim. That’s not a trim. That’s a big cut. I had 7 inches cut from my hair the other week. I’d prepped for it, I knew I was getting that amount taken off for months. I’d prepared my new hairstyle. I was ready to donate my 7 inches of hair and most importantly I wanted that amount taken off. That was wholly my decision. But when your hair has been that long for so long, no matter how much you want it cut, it’still a moment for pause before getting it cut.

You’re not only being unreasonable and rude but also really insensitive.

Post # 28
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

What’s with posting about this again? I feel like I’m having deja vu.

Post # 29
20 posts

you have NO right to ask her to cut her hair – Call the salon ahead of time and ask/make sure that someone is willing to work with such long hair.  

Post # 30
12327 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I share your distaste for the way Future Sister-In-Law wears her hair, but it is her hair and her choice. You do not get to ask, dictate or control what she does with it, or by whom. The most you can do, no different than with your other BMs, is to offer to pay for hair styling, nails, or makeup. In no way are they obliged to take advantage. Personal grooming is entirely up to them. 

The only area you properly have discretion is the dress. Even then, you are supposed to consult. But you can’t require BMs to get their hair done a certain way or at all. Ditto nails, makeup or specific shoes. Regardless of what you’ve been led to believe, all those things cross the line. 

FSIL’s look is a reflection of her taste, not you or yours. You may think it looks awful, but you and Fiance really need to keep your opinions to yourselves. 

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