Bridesmaid with extremely long hair

posted 2 years ago in Beauty
Post # 46
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

OP – I have a friend who is mentally sick (very sick) and she also doesn’t cut her hair. It is not hygenic at all and I can understand why you’d want her to cut her hair–both for your wedding and just in general. It does indeed sound like she uses her hair as a security blanket, like I think my friend does too. 

All that being said, I don’t think it’s ever ok to ask ANYONE to cut his/her hair. It’s such a personal decision, you know? I would continue researching hairstyle options to accommodate her long hair. 

Post # 47
Member
4857 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

She’s s big girl. She’s doesn’t need you to tell her how or when to cut her hair, get a mole checked or anything else. If she asked you for your opinion that’s one thing, but she has not. If you go around giving critical, unsolicited advice to people like that, well intended or not, you’re going to find people distancing themselves from you very quickly. 

Post # 48
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

If her hair is as long as you say it is, a trim isn’t going to make a difference. The hair stylists will figure something out. Don’t ask her to cut her hair for your wedding. That’s ridiculous.

Post # 49
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

I mean, you could ask but not demand. Literally ask as a question.

But also, I would have other concerns if random jerks off the street were grabbing her hair without permission and making comments about it. I hope she stands up for herself!

Post # 50
Hostess
3990 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

One of my two best friends in the world has major mental health issues and she hides behind her crazy curtain of hair (hers is only down to her thighs).  She also has psoriasis, so her hair often has flakes in it.  She is one of my two BEST friends in the world, so of course she was going to stand up with me for my wedding.  She wore her hair down, she let me curl it before the wedding.  She is so much more than her hair.  And yes, she struggles, but it is in no way my place to tell her that her hair is wrong.  She’s an adult, on some level she knows she is hiding behind her hair.  It’s my job to support her and to love her unconditionally.  And as far as the wedding goes, I didn’t give a crap what her hair looked like.  She is not a prop.  I see her as my beautiful glowing friend who has been there for me through so much over the years, her hair is simply a sign of the struggles she endures.  You say you like your Future Sister-In-Law, well, like her by being supportive and loving.  She knows you’re worried.  She knows her hair is crazy.  She’s simply not ready to make those big changes yet and you harping on her isn’t going to expedite that process at all.  All you can do is be there for her. 

Post # 51
Member
11615 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You said you were ok with it when it wasn’t hurting anyone. Who’s it hurting now? 

Since you called all of the PP trolls, I’m going to be blunt with you. I’d pay good money to have a life that afforded me the luxury of obsessing about my FI’s sister’s hair length. And I’m pretty sure others will agree. 

This is beyond petty. No one is “yelling” at you’ but the fact is, this is none of your business and it’s not a real problem. 

Post # 52
Member
9953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You posted this a few weeks ago?

As we all said before 

Her hair is her hair. It’s not your place to ask her to cut it. She knows what it looks like and obviously prefers it this way, that is her right. A salon won’t refuse to do her hair, longer hair is actually easier to work with.

Post # 53
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee

Why are you so obsessed with her hair?  Sheezzzz

Post # 54
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t read this last time you posted, and I’m trying to understand where you are coming from. Really I am. But… how can you say that someone else’s haircut is a tricky situation? Her haircut is simply that, her haircut. By asking her to change her appearance for your day, you are basically saying she isn’t good enough for your wedding the way she is. That is a really sad way to think of someone you claim to be close to. 

Post # 55
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I think you think that this is coming from a place of concern, but it’s really about you not liking her look for your wedding day. After all, you’ve said she washes it multiple times a week, so there goes your whole hygiene argument. And the fact that she doesn’t style it is neither here nor there, I don’t style my hair either. At least just own that you simply hate her hair. There’s no law saying you have to like it, and it does sound pretty awful. However, it’s her hair, and she decides whether to cut it or not. I think it’s ok for her brother to suggest a trim though, as long as he drops it if she says no. Also, if the ends are that bad the stylist may well suggest it, which might be the best way for it to come up as it’s from an impartial professional. 

Post # 56
Member
1151 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Her hair is none of your business.

And if a hairstylist is being paid to do her hair, they will do their job.

This is a non issue.

Post # 57
Member
6499 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Let. it. go. It isn’t your hair or your body, and you cannot ask her to change her hair for the sake of your wedding. While it isn’t something a hairdresser sees everyday, any good hairdresser will work with her to achieve an updo she likes. 

As others have said, she may be using her hair as a security blanket; she may not be entirely well emotionally or mentally. But if you ask her to be a bridesmaid, you must accept her as she is. You have no right to ask her to be someone else for a day. Get over yourself and let it be. If you absolutely cannot accept the woman because of her hair (hello, petty), then don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid at all.

Post # 58
Member
68 posts
Worker bee

I just wanted to weigh in – as someone with mental health issues myself (I’m schizoaffective) I completely understand why she has long hair.  I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious if I don’t have my hair long, and it has nothing to do with “hiding behind it”.  It’s short right now (and by short I mean down to my bum) but it’s been much longer.  I take care of my hair and wash it regularly but I do get funny looks sometimes.  I think it would be extremely unacceptable to ask her to cut her hair, if anyone asked me to cut mine, for any reason, I would say no and bow out of whatever event or situation made them ask.  To demand it of me would be insulting. I think you need to be a bit more understanding, if you’re truly worried about her health, mentally or physically, there are much better ways to handle it than demanding she do something she’s clearly uncomfortable with. 

Post # 59
Member
8864 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

weddinggirl2009 :  Why are you posting this again?

If this had to do with her welfare, you would have brought it up before, outside the context of your wedding. The fact that you’re choosing now to be so concerned is clear proof that this is about your wedding, not your SIL. Stop pretending it’s because you’re worried about her.

Post # 60
Member
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You getting p*ssed by everyone making you feel bad, is exactly how your Future Sister-In-Law would feel if you and your Fiance told her to change her hair, trim or not. Put things into perspective, OP, you care more about wedding photos and what “people might say” than you do the relationship you have with your fsil, or you’d stick up for her. Do you have sisters of your own? I have 4 and would defend ANYTHING they did or looked like, even if it wasn’t in my taste 

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