(Closed) Bridesmaid with newborn

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You should just kick her out of the wedding since apparently that is the “bee way”.  I mean really, how DARE she have a baby and not help with her duties as required by the Bridesmaid bylaws. 

Post # 20
Member
5474 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was a bridesmaid for a friend at her out of town wedding when Dear Daughter was 4 months old.  Darling Husband came with me and took care of the baby while I was helping bride get ready, for the ceremony, for the photos, etc.  No problem.  I made sure to pump right before I got ready and I didn’t need to pump again until well into the reception, so Darling Husband could feed the baby a bottle.

 

At one month old, yeah, there’s no way I’d be away for more than an hour or so.  Even child-free weddings usually have an exception for breastfeeding infants.

 

Post # 21
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@armybride2014:  For the record, I 100% feel where you’re coming from!

One wedding I went to, one the the BMs- specifically the bride’s SISTER- had a one-month old newborn.  Obviously the bride was happy for the sister and was OK with the baby being there, especially since the dad was there.

But the day of the wedding?  If I was the bride, I would have been seriously pissed, and I think she was though she hid it well.  Her sister missed all the prep, showed up late (only 20 minutes before the wedding was supposed to start, though they were suppsoed to be taking pictures 90 minutes prior), missed out on a ton of pictures (see before) thus requiring the reception to be pushed back over half an hour to actually get family pictures/bridal party pictures, missed the bridal party entrance, missed half of dinner, missed cake cutting, left right after the first few dances, barely said anything to the bride, only seemed to talk about precious baby…  I mean, OK, baby comes first.  But seriously, it was still her sister’s wedding day, and it seemed like she wasn’t even making an effort to be there and involved.

I don’t think there’s anything you can do but try to give a timeline for everything during the day and let her bring a guest to help, whether it’s the baby’s dad or a mom or friend or something.  Good luck.

Post # 22
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@armybride2014:  My BM’s baby will be 5 months old on the day of my wedding.  I told her she could walk down the aisle holding her if she felt more comfortable that way, or her husband can hold her, or we’ll hire a sitter, I’m leaving it up to her to decide.  Plus her baby is beyond adorable, if she brings her I’m planning to buy her a cute little white gown to wear, it’s kind of my favorite detail of my wedding 😀  But as far as I’m concerned my BMs’ only duty is to stand next to me when I say my vows, there’s really nothing after that to focus on except having a good time.  What are the things you’re worried she won’t be able to help with?  Would it be feasible to assign those to someone else?

Post # 23
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yay!  How exciting!  Your Maid/Matron of Honor is pregnant!  She must be so happy!  And you must be so happy for her!

Question – how would you let her or not let her bring the baby?  Bar her from the wedding if she brings the child?

Post # 24
Member
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m just amazed that she’s trying to attend your wedding at all! She’s due one month before your wedding? That means that the baby could be as young as 2 weeks old at your wedding. When I was 2 weeks postpartum, I was still wearing 2 super + pads at a time and breastfeeding every 90 minutes.

She sounds like a good friend; I’d maybe just ask her what YOU can do for HER to make her life easier–including letting her know that if she decides at the last minute that it’s too much for her to attend, you will understand. 

Post # 26
Member
3725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@armybride2014:  I would just ask her what she envisions on your wedding day. Ask her what she thinks she’ll be able to participate in and what she may miss out on. Then you and her and calibrate expectations.

I’m not a mom but I have sister’s with kids and based upon how they operated, they would NOT be open to any babysitter watching that child. In fact, they’d be offended. I would just be open to what your Bridesmaid or Best Man shares with you and take it from there. The birth of this child trumps your wedding.

Post # 27
Member
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@OtterHalf:  HAHA!

It really sounds like you’re jealous of a baby. Get over it. You don’t need to have her focused on you. You don’t.

Post # 27
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

One of my bridesmaids is going to have a 2 month old at my wedding. We’ve designated rooms at both venues for her to breastfeed, her dress is nursing bra friendly, her husband will be there, and her mother is coming to sit with the baby in the bridal suite while it sleeps. We’ll have another 6 month old baby as well, I don’t know what plans they are going to make yet but obviously the baby can’t be left with a sitter, they are travelling. There will be no children at my wedding, but nursing babies are ALWAYS the exception to that!

I’ve already told her if there’s anything she doesn’t feel up to, to skip it. The days leading up to the wedding have a ton of events and I would be an absolute insane person if I expected her, the new mother of a newborn, to attend them all. We’ll be playing it by ear! She’s my friend, not my picture prop.

Post # 28
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

“I feel like the baby will distract her from helping and being able to take pictures.We are really close and it is important to have her focused…. “

Yes. You are almost certainly correct in your assumption. That’s because her attention will almost certainly be focussed on her newborn because her baby will be her number 1 priority. That’s not to say that her SO can’t be around to help on your wedding day or that her baby will need constant attention but certainly, you are asking an awful lot if you think she can perform her duties in the way you describe. 

I would certainly NOT expect anyone to juggle the needs of such a young baby with the responsibility of taking pictures or being at a bride’s beck and call. Even if the mother of the baby has a SO who will be around to help. There are all sorts of reasons why this is impractical and unfair on her. Instead, why not take some pressure off her and just ask her to stand up with you at the ceremony? To ask for more is a huge ask.

ETA: Just read that you are questioning whether she should be allowed to bring the baby. I’d have thought that bringing the baby was an unquestionable fact! Of course she should bring a month old baby! I was quite easy going about sitters but there is no way I would have left a month old baby with one. If you intend to separate her from such a young baby then it is unlikely that ANY of her attention will be on your wedding. Or that she’ll be there at all. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  .
  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  .
Post # 29
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sorry to rain on all this, but you should really wait until much closer to the wedding and after the baby is born to discuss this.  It can really sour things if you discuss all this now and then, God forbid, something goes wrong with the pregnancy or with the baby after birth.  That happened with me and a close friend and now, on top of her grieving, I’m worried that she’ll have extra memories and mourning to do about all we’d discussed about her young baby and my wedding activities.  

If this is her first baby, she likely won’t know what she’ll feel comfortable with or what will work for the baby at 1 mo old until a week or 2 after the baby is born.  I learned the hard way on this- just be there for your friend and don’t discuss what does and doesn’t work for the baby & the wedding until well after the baby is born & much closer to your wedding.  Nothing needs to be decided now anyway.

Post # 30
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Maybe it was because I was also a new mom at my wedding (my Dear Daughter was 6 months) but when my bridesmaid also had a baby 4 months before the wedding, I did everything to make things as easy as possible for her.

I made it clear she was not expected to do anything. She could bring her kids, she could leave the wedding early, she could skip out to breastfeed.

I know what it’s like to be a new Mom. I would be kissing my bridemaid’s feet if she still wanted to be AT my wedding, let alone IN it, one month after having a baby. Your body is still so exhausted and healing, and instinctually, all you can think about is your baby.

As important as your wedding is, think of how MORE important your friend is to you. I would really try to make sure everything is easy for her. Give her options. She’s not going to be 100% focused on you that day. I’m sure she won’t ruin your day, but it’s a bit much to ask a new mom not to have baby on her mind that early on.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  urchin.

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