Post # 1
I’m having a problem with one of my bridesmaids that I could use some advice on handling gracefully. I picked out my bridesmaid dresses about two months ago and let the wedding party know that they needed to get fitted and tell me their size so I could purchase their dresses. This was only a problem for one of the bridesmaids who committed to being in the wedding but will not return my phone calls, emails, or texts about getting fitted for her dress.
When I spoke with the dress store today, they told me I have to order the dresses by the end of this week or run the risk of them not showing up for the wedding. The store even called the bridesmaid (who didn’t answer) and left a message emphasizing that she must get fitted within the next two days. I’m not sure how to handle this situation and am getting more and more frustrated at the bridesmaid. I want to emphasize that I’m paying everything for the bridesmaids (dress, hair, makeup, hotel) with the exception of their travel (approximately a $300 plane ticket).
Post # 3
Is there any sort of reason that she’s ignoring your messages? Is she upset by anything? Try calling her or texting without the dress pretense and see if something is up that she’d just need to talk about, and once you find out that everything is okay, address the dress issue.
Post # 4
I think at this point the only thing you can do is be very frank with her. If you leave a voicemail or email just say “hey Bridesmaid or Best Man, the deadline for getting fitted for your dress is Friday, if you aren’t fitted by then the dress won’t come in in time for the wedding. If for some reason you are unable to be a bridesmaid anymore, please let me know so ((dress store)) can make the order for the other dresses, and I can get them paid for. I hope to hear back from you soon!”
Post # 5
If she doesn’t get the dress, then she’s not in the wedding. You’ve done everything you can. The ball is in her court now.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Doesn’t it sound like she’s trying to back out without having a confrontation? Perhaps you can email her and offer her the way out. Tell her that you realize things are busy for her and it seems like she doesn’t have much free time. Say that you don’t want your wedding to be a burden and that you would understand if she was no longer able to be in the bridal party.
Even if you are angry, doing this will get you the answer that seems to be on its way and it might still keep the friendship intact.
Post # 7
I’m kind of like that though, after so long I just get irritated and am tired of beating around the bush about it. If she agreed to be in the wedding, she should return your calls. If she cant do it anymore, she should just be an adult and tell you.
Post # 8
@GreenEyedMoon: I agree. The responsibility is on her and if she drops the ball, she is no longer a Bridesmaid or Best Man. It’s up to her to be a responsible adult.
Post # 9
Agree with previous posters. I think she’s passive aggressively telling you to go fly a kite. Beyond rude. I would probably ignore her right back (but I’m a vindictive witch sometimes haha).
Post # 10
If shes not bothering to do the simple small things then why bother paying for her to be in the wedding at all? I would save yourself the hassle and either replace her with someone else or save yourself the money and not bother! Maybe call her and say because of the deadline shes missed you unfortunatly wont be able to get her dress ontime and had to get someone else to step in.
It would be awful if you bought the dress for it not to come ontime because of her lazyness. Im sorry to hear your having this problem and hope you get a good outcome!
Post # 11
I think your bridesmaid may be giving you your answer. She knows that there is a deadline for the dress. You as well as the store have contacted her. I would try to contact her once more, and give her a subtle out. This way, if she wants to back out, but hasn’t been able to find a way to tell you, she can leave without making a big dramatic scene.
If she doesn’t get the dress, she doesn’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 12
@misskarianne: has said it well. Often when people are ignoring us, it’s because they are having trouble working up the courage to tell us something.
Post # 13
Whether she wants to be in it, she is just being a pain, and you are being beyond nice by paying for everything. Call and leave her a message saying that you need to hear from her by (set a certain time tonight) or you’re going to have to make some changes to the bridal party.
Post # 14
Give her to the set time and when it happens send in your order without her. I had a similar issue with Fiance groomsmen and he came in on time but if not I didnt care if he was his brother.
Post # 15
@meg131: how does this Bridesmaid or Best Man typically communicate with you? And, when is the last time you talked to her? Do you guys have any mutual friends – maybe reach out to someone you know is in contact with her?
Post # 16
Yea, I would be very frank. And if she doesn’t order her dress I would take that as her resignation as a bridesmaid!