Post # 1
I chose dresses from an online shop where they would be custom made from measurements since me and my bridesmaids are spread around the country. I asked all the girls if they were okay with it (and with the price and with the dresses themselves) and everyone said it was fine. One girl in particular, Kate, and I had talked to about it quite a bit- she always wants to hear about wedding planning. In fact, she was the one pushing me to ask everyone for measurements and get my butt in gear. Well, right after Christmas I asked the girls to get their measurements done. I sent them directions to do it themselves via the company’s website. I also found and contacted a seamstress in each of their areas who would do it for free in case they wanted it done that way. I asked them to do this by the end of January. Kate kept telling me that she planned to do it, and would let me know she was going Thursday after work or whenever, and then she would let me know that she forgot or didn’t have time. No biggie. I wasn’t asking for the updates as I was confident she’d get it done. Well, here we are 2 months later and she still hasn’t sent me her measurements or her money. Ive texted her 3 or 4 times in the last two weeks and got no response, the second text just said “hey, how’s life?!” so it wouldn’t seem like all I cared about was my wedding. I last texted on Friday and said that I really needed to order, and if she wanted me to come take the measurements for her I’d come over any time next week (now this week), just let me know when she was free. I didn’t hear back. So what should I do now?
My fiancé says I should just order her number size and let her get it altered when it comes in, but I don’t want to pay for it and her never pay me back. I was thinking about maybe texting her one more time and asking if she wants me to do that and she can just Venmo me the money. My other thought (or my thought for if she doesn’t answer) was to just go ahead and order the other three dresses and let her worry about ordering hers on her own. The only problem with this is that my girls will have different color dresses with Maid/Matron of Honor in the darkest dress and getting lighter down the line. She is supposed to be second in line, so should I just put her at the end and in the lightest dress (which is really pale and will look great on my dark skinned Future Sister-In-Law, but not so much on everyone else), or should I order the colors as planned and just hope that she orders her dress at some point? Ugh, help!!
These are the dress colors for reference:
Post # 2
She’s being flaky but it could be a number of things. She doesn’t have the money to order it and doesn’t want to say….has other things going on in her life she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about, etc.
I suggest you order it in her number size, or if they run small a size bigger, and pay for it. Then you get the exact dresses you want in the color order that is important to you. Don’t ask her to pay you back, just tell her when they are in that she will need to have a fitting.
Post # 3
I agree with babygrandmabee: that you might as well order the dress in her size and not ask for her to give you money back. I would send her a quick text before you buy hey saying ‘hey, not to rush you, but tomorrow i was goign to buy your dress, and i was going to order it in this size. what do you think? hope you had a nice weekend’ type of a thing. do you know if maybe something is going on in her life that is preventing her from wanting to discuss wedding related things/ regular things? i hope she is doing alright!
Post # 4
Is it possible she’s having financial difficulties and is too embarrassed to tell you? Or has some other issue she’s dealing with? I agree with PP, if you do order it for her you should order a size up–sizing can be incredibly inconsistent and it’s always easier to take a dress in than to try to deal with a dress that’s too small.
Post # 5
babygrandmabee: I can’t afford to buy her dress and I don’t think it would be fair to the other bridesmaids to do so. I know it’s typical where some bees live, but where I live BM’s buy their own dresses. I will not be paying for her dress.
Also, it’s not that the girls’ order is important to me, it’s that I don’t want to be an asshole and put her in a pale dress that will probably look terrible with her skin tone. I wouldn’t want to wear that dress, lol.
Post # 6
beethree: Highly unlikely. She has a pretty good job, and she lives with her parents and has very few expenses. Plus I picked a fairly inexpensive dress and let them know the price/pick back in September. I think the issue is just that she doesn’t have the measurements yet And so she’s ignoring my texts instead of saying “no I still haven’t done it.”
Post # 7
I guess I would be more concerned about not hearing from my friend in a few weeks than about a bridesmaids dress.
Post # 8
Stop texting. Pick up someone else’s phone and give her a call. It is harder to avoid things when you are talking in person.
Tell her you are concerned about her lack of response and ask her if there is anything going in in her life that is preventing her from ordering her dress. If she says no, I would remind her of the deadline, tell her that you have re-assigned the colors, then leave the ball in her court. If she makes the deadline, she is bridesmaid.
IF she says she can’t afford to order it, are you prepared to front her the money as ling as she pays you back? You need to know your response before you ask the question. You could offer her the opportunity to wear a dress of her choice and do a reading rather than be a bridesmaid.
Post # 9
Try actually calling instead of texting? Maybe you’ll get lucky and she will pick up 🙂
Love the colors!
Post # 10
Is it possible she’s not confident in giving someone her measurements? Even if you say she’s attractive, or skinny, or keeps fit, she might still see her measurements as being too big. Or too small even. Talk to her, find out if there are any problems, and maybe just check that she’s still okay to be a bridesmaid
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2016 - Cellar 222
You should call her for sure! Or if she won’t talk to you could you try to get a mutual friend to contact her and ask what’s up? She might be angry about something and you haven’t realized it yet. Or maybe she’s going through something heavy.
If all that fails you might have to reconsider her being a bridesmaid. She might just not have the ability to do it right now.
I hope she’s okay!
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church
MrsFiveOh: Wait… you’re making your bridesmaids buy dresses that you yourself can’t even afford?
Post # 13
Do NOT buy that dress until you get a straight answer from her- this may be her way of flaking out. Plus purchasing a dress for one girl who can afford it is not right to your other bridesmaids. I’m on the verge of a come to Jesus talk with one of my girls because of the same issue.
Post # 14
Pick up the phone and call her and get to the bottom of this. Don’t frame it as being worried about a dress, say you are worried about her and how she has been distant. Tell her that if there is something going on, she can tell you and you will understand. But do not make it all about the dress – your friendship is worth more than a dress, and there is obviously something else going on.
Post # 15
marriedtopizza: I read it more like it’s not in the budget, and if she does it for 1 bridesmaid she’d have to do it for them. If she’s in a region where it’s typical for girls to buy their own dresses, she wouldn’t have budgeted for it.