Post # 1
I am having a bridesmaid issue and it’s making my life difficult and adding unwanted stress the past month or so. I have wonderful bridesmaids, my closest friends, and I love them all. Although, one of them has been evasive and didn’t respond to the rest about many things (the only thing they needed to know was if a shower date worked for her as it was going to planned around her but she never responded). So, they decided to go with a different date that worked for everyone else (most of them are out of state). The bridesamaid told me that she can’t plan that far ahead and I told her it’s perfectly fine if she can’t come. I never expected all of the ones out of state to fly in but the others said they will be there.
I talked to my friend last week & she said she didn’t know she had to pay for the shower, especially since she now isn’t attending, and just thought she had to pay for the dress. She said she doesn’t have money because she doesn’t work..but her mom is going to buy her dress (her parents are good family friends & they both have very good jobs). Although, she feels bad asking her parents. The other girls have been trying to contact her for a small amount of money in the grand scheme of things (less than $20) but she doesn’t always respond to them & hasn’t sent it.
I have NO idea what to do anymore and hate being involved in this but my bridesmaids have put up with a lot from her & have no idea what to do anymore. I don’t think it’s really fair to have the other girls pay for everything and not her…I mean, most of them are working, another one is in school, and I just don’t think it’s fair for them to split everything and the other bridesmaid to just show up. On the other hand, I love this bridesmaid like family and want her to be a bridesmaid. What would you do?
Post # 3
I’m not sure what the problem is. You said her mom is paying for her dress and you talked about her perhaps owing the other bridesmaids a sum of less than $20.
If she’s not working it’s understandable that she can’t afford these expenses. Maybe that’s why she is not attending the shower.
I would just cover it myself and send her share to the other bridesmaids.
Post # 4
I agree with julies1949 – I’d just cover the cost myself.
Post # 5
Where do you expect her to get money from to throw you a shower? I heard the long winter isn’t good for the growth of money trees, mine isn’t doing much either.
Post # 6
I would be upset with the other bridesmaids for even telling me all this nonsense. They are emailing her about less than $20 and she isn’t even attending the shower? I would just give one of the girls hosting a $20.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t expect anyone who isn’t attending an event to help pay for it.
Post # 8
If she can’t afford to fly in for the shower, I don’t think it’s really fair to expect her to chip in and help pay for the shower, regardless of the amount. I agree with jules1949, I’d just offer to cover her portion myself.
Post # 9
If she literally owes less than $20, I would just tell her privately that you’ll cover her expenses except for her dress. I agree with her that she shouldn’t necessarily have to pay for a bridal shower that she’s not attending. It doesn’t have to be “fair” to the other bridesmaids, especially when she’s not working.
Post # 10
@R.Elliott: I’m with you. I wouldn’t help cover an event that I wasn’t attending. That seems nuts to me.
Post # 11
I agree with you, when she signed on to be a bridesmaid, she signed on to help pay for the shower.. if the shower is costing less than $20, then by no means is anybody asking too much. Its all about budgeting and how you want to spend your money.
Post # 12
The problem is she won’t contribute to the shower like the other girls. I myself am searching for a job and don’t have money either so I understand the issue but my parents are helping me out until I get a job and I am also in 2 other weddings this year. My parents are also paying for the enitre wedding and I can’t make them pay for her share as well.
The bridesmaids are currently asking for $16 for the invitations which I could afford but I cannot pay for the rest of the shower cost as well. I have been cutting down the shower guest list to make it more affordable to the bridesmaids but I have no idea what they are planning and how much more it would cost. Another bridesmaid sent her a message which she also sent to me and told her to budget around $100- 150 for the shower.
Believe me, I know the expense of being in a wedding but I can’t afford to cover her expenses when I have 8 other weddings this year and am in 2 of them.
Post # 13
Nope, she agreed to stand by the bride on her wedding in a dress of the bride’s choosing. They rest is optional, and should not be taken as a given.
Post # 14
@Brunette314: “The problem is she won’t contribute to the shower like the other girls. I myself am searching for a job and don’t have money either so I understand the issue but my parents are helping me out until I get a job and I am also in 2 other weddings this year.”
Still not understanding how that changes the fact that she can’t afford the shower expenses. It sounds to me like you’re expecting a little too much out of this girl who can’t afford it. Either pay her share or don’t, there isn’t much else to be done. YOU are the one who is in 2 other weddings, this is not her problem. She agreed to buy the dress and show up to support you, she’s really not obligated beyond that. Sorry.
Post # 15
@Atalanta: I agree, being a bridesmaid is morstly honorary, but there are certain responsibilities. One of those is monetary.
Post # 16
@kingytobe: I disagree, my bridesmaids are not footing the bill for my shower. Showers are nice but optional.