- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2016
5 years ago, I was supposed to get married (to the guy Im marrying soon). We broke off the engagement, realizing we werent ready, yet. Okay, so here it goes and please, stay with me lol
I have 2 friends that I have known for 16 and 17 years. Lets call them N and T. N, I have known for 16 and T and I have known for 17. When I was 12, I moved outta the area I was in and because of it, T and I lost our communication more and more but once she got her lisence (at 16) I seen her a few times but, I was living a different life than her and we didnt keep in contact much.
Now, N and I met when I moved at 12 (away from T) and beacuse we lived close and went to the same school we became best friends. We were practically inseperable. I moved yet again when I was 15 but N and I still seen eachother all the time on weekends, going to the mall and sleep overs etc. Highschool came and we stopped seeing each other a bit more because I was too busy with boys and she was on the other side of the city. While she was in highschool, she met a girl, lets call her C. THEY became very close while I wasnt around. I was jealous a bit needless to say.
NOW, with all this said, T and N and I, when we DID see each other, it was like we were never apart, its the kind of friendship we had. Now let me also say, T and N HATE eachother. Being so close to both, it was like they fought over me.
Fast forward to 5 years ago. I seen T driving around while I was with my Fiance driving around. We connected as if we hadnt not seen each other in a couple years and we were literally inseparable. Going out EVERY saturday, meeting the people she had been close too and our friendship was stronger than ever. While this was happening, N and I were still close BUT, she meets this guy…..
So, Im starting to plan my wedding. There was not ONE DOUBT in my mind that N should be my Maid/Matron of Honor. We had a very special friendship and even though T and I became very close again, N and I just had a different ”thing”. T was a little sad that I didnt make her Maid/Matron of Honor BUT, she did the right thing and supported me 1000%, even thought she hated N.
So, as I said, N meets this guy. Hes a complete ASSHOLE. Such a goof. Nobody likes him. N starts bailing on plans more and more. She MISSED my first Dress shopping experience in which I FOUND THE Dress… she missed it because she ”slept in” and said she wouldnt make it on time because she had no transportation which I later found out her Boyfriend or Best Friend was there and she didnt ask for a ride. I was so pissed. Its like she had no balls to tell her Boyfriend or Best Friend she had plans with me ever or tried hard enough. It got so bad that I ended up DEMOTING her to a Bridesmaid or Best Man and made T Maid/Matron of Honor…. T was so pissed off that N had made my planning so difficult and N was so mad at me for demoting her and thought T made me make the decision. It got so bad that N was no longer in my wedding and I didnt speak with her for over a year.
T and I remained close BUT the wedding was off because of that drama and more drama and I just wasnt ready anymore.
While N and I werent talking, I had ran into HER friend C, who I mentinoed earlier and all she did was complain about N’s Boyfriend or Best Friend and how they werent as close anymore because her Boyfriend or Best Friend apparently hated her. And she kinda ragged on N a bit about her choices etc.
So now, let me get into something junk with T. WE had a falling out 2 years ago, both of us at fault. Stop talking and during this time N and I were also, not talking. 2 of my BFFS were a wall for a junk of my life. I had gotten close to other mutual friends of my brother and I and things were fantastic in my life.
Well, fast forward some more, just over a ago N and I started talking again. She sent me a facebook message explaining that she missed me but not once apologizing for anything. But because of our history and because I do love her like a sister, I looked past it and we continued a friendship. And fast forward to LAST christmas, T and I, ALSO rekindled things. So now, T and N are both in my life again.
I have seen them both equally since the rekindling and seemed thing were going fine. I love both these girls for different reasons keep in mind, regardless of the drama.
N is getting married…. to that guy. Yay… I will say, he has changed moreless and his attitude is quite different and needless to say, hes tolerable. Im happy if N is happy. She came to my house to ask me to be in her wedding. I gladly accepted. She may annoy me to no end and has issues speaking up but I love the idiot lol and would do anything for her. I asked her if she was having a MOD. She said No. She said, it was too hard to choose between Me and C… Oh yes, C is still in the picture. My mother and I went to her engagement party in July. Everything is going fine. Until my mother was putting the ”Bridesmaid” Pin on my dress and I noticed C walk by with hers that said MOH!!!!! I almost lost it. I cried. It took SO much self control to not make a scene. My mom took me to the washroom and helped me calm down. I dont know what I was MORE pissed about. That I wasnt Maid/Matron of Honor or that she didnt EFFING TELL ME AND I HAD TO FIND OUT AT THE EFFING ENGAGEMENT PARTY. UGH, N I love you but seriously, whats the matter with you?! So, needless to say I confided in T who wasnt surprised. I kept it to myself and never said a thing to N about it because I wanted to try to be the better person. Wedding planning has comensed, Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses are bought and quite frankly Im over it.
Now, Im engaged and planning my wedding for the SECOND time. T and I havent seen each other much and talk only a couple times a week or less and a few weeks ago, she made it clear to me that she didnt feel as close to me anymore. All since I got engaged (with a ring this time) on Christmas day. I was heartbroken and mad at the same time. Well, I made N and 2 other girls who Im very close with these days, my BMs. I decided against having a Maid/Matron of Honor. I am only barely in the begginning stages of planning but 2 girls have tried on Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses (N was working the day we went) but its still been all for fun. T has seen these goings on, on facebook but hadnt said much.
My bday celebration was last weekend. N didnt come because she doesnt like the bar but T did come as well as my other 2 BMs. I didnt think T would come because she said she didnt feel close to me anymore but when she came, once again it was like we were never not close. We had a very drunk converstation about how we love each other and how she said she wants me to be happy and I explained that I was upset that told me she didnt feel close. She told me she was sad that shes been seeing wedding updates on my facebook and that she knew I would ask N to be in my wedding and she said that she didnt care if she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man or not but just wanted to be apart of my life. It was THAT kind of drunk love convo. I told her whilst drunk that I hadnt made any final decisions on my wedding party besides N and the other 2 because I didnt want to ruin the moment or something. N didnt know T and I had been talking because I had told N what T said about us not being as close and she was all happy that I wasnt having T in my wedding because she hates her but also because I deserve better friends… right, cause shes the one to talk. Anyway, the morning after my bday bar night, N texts me and says ”wtf is up with you and T?!” She went on to say that she was worried about what this could mean because she WILL NOT be in my wedding if T is in it. I told her that nothing is changing and not to worry. I told her that T and I had a love drunk convo at the bar and thats all it was.
That all being said… I LOVE T but I know she causes drama as well as N but like I said before, N and I have a special kind of friendship however T and I sorta do too. NEITHER of them understand my connection with the both of them. So, for the last week, I have been texting back and forth with T about our shows we watch etc and shes acting close to me again…. N and I are the same and fine, wedding planning etc.
My Problem is obvious I think by now… I am SO confused about what to do with T. One side of my heart is telling me that T should be in my wedding because, its T and after our drunk convo, my mind has me thinking that things are fine BUT N will NOT stand anywhere near T. I cannot take N out of my wedding, she needs to be in it. The other half my heart is telling me that there has been too much problems with T and we arent as close and it would just be better for to be a guest and at least part of my day by being there to support me. My mom thinks its better for me to leave my wedding party as it is, since T told me she didnt feel as close and I had made a decision after that about my BMs.
Im SO sorry how long this is. Now one last thing… I will still need someone to stand beside me while Im getting married and sign the papers. Part of me thinks it should be N and the other part of me is still kinda annoyed about her neglecting to tell me that C was her Maid/Matron of Honor and I should let my other close friend whos a Bridesmaid or Best Man be the one who does it. Part of me feels like N made C her Maid/Matron of Honor because she secretly holds a grudge from the 1st time I planned my wedding.
BLAH you guys, this is so retarded.