Post # 1
So I am a bit perplexed when it comes to bridesmaid questions.
First problem is, I have 1 cousin who I would like to ask to be a bridesmaid; I have always been close to her and we’re very fond of each other. She has an older sister who I’ve never been nearly as close to, and I think it is obvious to all that this dynamic exists. My older cousin and I just don’t click and don’t make an effort to hang out at family events, while my younger cousin and I always spend significant time talking when we see each other. I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask one sister and not the other, but that’s what I kind of want to do based on our relationships. What would you do?
And the second problem: Among the 4 girls (my cousin included) I’d like to have in the bridal party, 3 of them are my very close friends. One friend is my oldest friend, from college, who I consider to be like a sister; we don’t talk very often anymore but when we do, we immediately understand each other; we haven’t actually seen each other for 2 years, because we’ve both lacked the travel funds (we live far away from each other). I had always planned to have her be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but now that seems like it might cause hard feelings: my other 2 close friends were my roommates through graduate school and I am now closer to them than to my college friend in a lot of ways. BUT if I asked one of them to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I imagine it would be a little difficult and kind of insulting to the other one. And if I ask my college friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor, I feel that my 2 roommates would be a little offended.
Easiest solution to Maid/Matron of Honor problem: don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor. But can one not have a maid of honor??? Just 3 or 4 bridesmaids???
Eek. I’m confused. Help would be great! Thanks!
Post # 3
@Creiddylad: There’s nothing wrong with asking one sister to be Bridesmaid or Best Man and not the other. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my cousin’s wedding and my younger sister was not asked. She didn’t even care. As for the Maid/Matron of Honor situation – why don’t you have your cousin be the MOH? Keep it in the family, so to speak, so that your friends don’t get offended.
Post # 4
@LaEsposa: Thanks for your input! I’ll have to think about my cousin being Maid/Matron of Honor. 🙂
Post # 5
Totally fine to ask one cousin and not the other! And if you don’t want/can’t choose a Maid/Matron of Honor, it’s totally fine to have 3BMs!
Post # 6
It’s totally fine to not have a designated Maid/Matron of Honor. In your case it could avoid a lot of drama!
The cousin thing – maybe ask a family member for advice? I think it depends on family dynamics. If it’s going to cause drama I’d err on the side of including neither. YOu already have three other BMs and that’s plenty to juggle.
I personally felt like I had to go all or nothing with my cousins in order to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. I decided to go with none of them and just kept it simple. It was fine.
Post # 7
@Creiddylad: I think it is just fine asking one sister but not the other, and as for the Maid/Matron of Honor thing I would say have no one. You don’t have to have a maid of honor, and if it will ruffle feathers or you can’t decide I say just don’t have one 🙂
Post # 8
@Creiddylad: I agree with the pp. There is no expectation that you would have to ask the older sister when you are not close.
You do not have to have a Maid/Matron of Honor either. You will likely have to choose someone to sign as a witness (most states have this requirement) but other than that, there is nothing tha Maid/Matron of Honor does tha couldn’t be shared amongst the BM’s.
Post # 9
@BrandNewBride: Oh good, I am glad it is OK to not have a MOH!
@cbgg: Considering the personality of the older sister, it might cause drama, but I can talk to my mother about it (these cousins of mine are the neices my mother knows best of all the cousins). I do remember hearing my favorite cousin say, after having been a bridesmaid in another cousin’s wedding several years ago (her older sister wasn’t a bridesmaid in that wedding, but that cousin who got married then has no etiquette skills to speak of), that being a bridesmaid isn’t something she really likes. So maybe there’s my answer right there.
@julies1949: Thanks, I am glad that almost everyone is saying an Maid/Matron of Honor is not necessary. I would probably ask my college friend to sign as a witness, but I don’t think anyone will be a maid of honor just because the dynamics would be awkward, seeing as I don’t have a sister.