Post # 1
I need some help! It’s sort of a long story, so here’s the short version.. I got enagaged almost a year ago now, on my birthday, and immediately asked my brother and SIL to be in the wedding.. I thought that would be safe because they’re family. Within the last few months, however, they have started having marriage issues (all caused by her but I won’t get in to that here) and I no longer want her in our wedding. I do not want someone like that standing up with us on the happiest day of our lives when I can’t even stand to look at her.. We originally were going to have an uneven bridal party to begin with, 4 bridesmaids and 5 groomsmen, but now it would be 3 and 5. I am not sure how I feel about that. I don’t want to ask someone just to ask them and honestly don’t have any other girls I am close enough with to ask. It has been suggested to ask my FBIL’s girlfriend, who have been together for almost 3 years, but she isn’t even 21 yet and I think that would be awkward.. I know we still have over a year, but I don’t really see much changing..
Do I just stick with the 3 bridesmaids I have or make the sacrifice of asking someone just to even it out a little bit more?
Post # 3
Personally, I would wait and see if things get better before you make any rash decisions. It sounds like they just started having these issues; maybe they will work it out. You still have plenty of time before you have to order bridesmaid dresses.
I wouldn’t ask someone just as filler, either. My FI has 4 groomsmen, and I only had 3 bridesmaids, until my best guy friend agreed to be a “bridesman”. He is going to stand on my side. Was your brother going to stand on your side, or the grooms?
If you are worried about it being uneven, maybe a couple of the groomsmen can be ushers instead? Has your FI already asked them all to be in the wedding?
Post # 5
I would worry about having even numbers on both sides. If you only have 3 then you only have 3. You only want bridesmaids that will be supportive and care about you. I would wait until a little bit closer to time to make a decision, but if things don’t get better, cut it down to 3!
Post # 6
I would definitely wait it out a bit. I mean, obviously we don’t know the whole story, but I have to assume that your SIL is generally a nice person or else you wouldn’t have asked her to be a bridesmaid, right? Hopefully they can work out their marriage issues and you won’t even have to deal with it. Asking her to step down from your wedding now may just cause them more problems, you know? It’s just another thing to fight about.
Post # 7
I meant to say I wouldn’t worry*
Post # 8
Don’t cut someone out on an impulsive decision that you may regret later. Also, Don’t cut someone out and then ask someone else to stand in. The later will know they were on the “B” list and it’s not always a great feeling to remember you were the 2nd choice. Have your party un even.
Post # 9
I also think you should hold off on firing this BM. See first if they can work out their marital issues. No one ever truly knows what happens in a marriage except the two people in the marriage. If you take her out of the wedding, and they work things out, she might resent you for a long time after that. So hang on for a bit and then see how things go. If they end up ending the marriage, then by all means remove her from the wedding party.