(Closed) Bridesmaid/Friendship dilemma

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well… this is how I see it from the small background you provided. It sounds like she is self centered.  I think there are people who see it as it’s my world and you’re just living in it. However I don’t think she is trying to be a bad friend. You have obviously been friends for a long time, and sometimes you just get into habits, and I think she’s gotten into the habit of it being about her when she talks to you. With that said, it doesn’t appear that she doesn’t care about you. I mean she understood about the letter, which she could have been upset about…she still talks to you and does want to be in your wedding.

So what I think you should do is just do things to remind her that there are things you would like to share with her. I don’t know who initializes most of the conversations, but maybe just call her and before she can say anything tell her I need to talk to you about x,y, and z I really need someone to listen. Or I just wanted to share some news with you. etc.

Hope it gets better. 🙂


Post # 4
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I had a friend like this way back in the day. When I realized how one-sided our friendship was I began setting boundaries for how much of my time he could take up. If I had better things to do I simply didn’t take his calls, or if I did I would cut him off when I’d heard enough and just tell him I have to go, talk to ya later. Eventually he found someone else to be his ‘listener’ and I was obsolete. It still hurts a bit to this day, nearly ten years later, but I knew that I was better off without him in my life.

There’s actually a term for people like this, I believe: “emotional vampire.” I don’t think there’s much you can say to cure her narcissism. If she doesn’t even care about your medical news, what else could you possibly say to make her care?  Maybe you feel it’s worth a try, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up too much. She’s shown herself to be so self-centered that I doubt she’d be able to put herself in your shoes and understand what it’s like to be on the other end of the phone with her. It’s not intentional or malicious, it’s just who she is.

I hope it works out, but don’t blame yourself if it doesn’t.

Post # 5
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Soon2BMawied: I’m facing a semi-similar situation right now with my Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ve always been there for her when her life is upside-down, but it seems like the favor has never been returned and the wedding is the most recent of events.

I got engaged in July 2009 and immediately asked my best friend to by my maid of honor. Well, it’s been a while since then and she’s practically dropped off the face of the earth on her own accord. I’ve tried so hard to keep in touch – calling, texting, trying to set up girl’s nights, etc. and she always has an excuse or doesn’t get back to me. She’s been in lots of weddings over the past year, so she might be sick of them, but she’s supposed to be my best friend and has definitely not been living up to that role. My Fiance is furious that I’m keeping her on as Maid/Matron of Honor since my other bridesmaids (all are my close friends) have been helping out with roles that I would’ve loved to have my Maid/Matron of Honor participate in, given other circumstances. I tried talking to her about her non-participation/non-communication, etc. and she said she’s “really busy w/ work” and she’s “really going to make an effort to be there more,” but things haven’t changed so far. 

So, I guess this is my recommendation: since I’ve spent over 10 years making sure that things are perfect and that I’m always there for my best friend, yadda yadda, I’ve decided to “leave the ball in her court.” I would suggest you do the same. Sometimes life distracts us and sometimes there are jealousy issues (especially when one person is used to having all eyes focused on them – ie: your friend always had issues and therefore had lots of attention directed her way, and now that it’s YOUR turn she can’t/doesn’t know how to handle it). If she’s really a good friend, she’ll find her way back to you (I know mine always has). 

Post # 6
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If this was a sudden change, I would totally talk to her about it but it sounds like it’s just who she is and if you accepted her like this all these years, I wouldnt try to change her in time for your wedding.

Post # 7
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Shes immature. You could, like you said, tell her that she needs to care about you more. But who wants to have to TELL someone to care? that should just happen. Maybe shes really mad at you about what you said and is spitefully taking it out on you by not wanting to listen to your life. I would have a real conversation with her on the phone- not in writing.


In the mean time, you said you have other girlfriends who already do care about you. focus on them. THis girl may be more like a dysfunctional sister to you in the long run. You will always love her, but you cant lean on her. Your other friends are commited to you and that is what matters

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