Post # 1
Before my fiance even proposed, I have a friend that declared herself Maid of Honor. I went along with it at the time because I didn’t see the point in arguing over something that wasn’t even happening at the time. When he did propose, however, she reinforced that she was Maid of Honor.
The problem comes that she lives 5 hours away, so she can’t really be involved. I don’t expect her to be jumping to help, but she avoids any conversation related to the wedding. Not only that, but my fiance doesn’t like her. He feels like she isn’t that great of a friend. One of my other bridesmaids lives down the street from me and my fiance goes out with her and her fiance all the time and we all get along great. Not only that, but she’s available pretty much 24/7 to let me vent or rattle off ideas to and her daughter is going to be our flower girl. I’ve also known her longer and I really want her to be the one to stand next to me and sign my marriage license as a witness.
Since she does know me and my fiance so well, I really want her to be the one to do a toast because she’ll actually be able to talk about my fiance and I as a couple and not just me as a friend (like the girl who lives 5 hours away would.)
I talked to my maid of honor about it but the best I got was telling her that they would be co-maids of honor. She did apologize for ignoring any wedding talk, citing that a friend of hers just got divorced so all wedding talk just depresses her.
Anyway, I just don’t know what to do. This girl is a friend to me and she has been there for me in my life before my fiance was even there, even though since my fiance and I got together she has been pretty MIA as a friend and even more MIA as a maid of honor. My mom and other bridesmaids feel like since she jumped to declare herself maid of honor and didn’t even allow me to ask her, she should be more enthusiastic about at least talking about the wedding.
Even though I feel like our friendship is not as great as it once was and my fiance doesn’t like her, I’m not prepared to lose her friendship but I want to choose who my maid of honor would be. I just don’t know how to go about this.
Post # 3
Honestly, ask the friend you want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Explain to your current Maid/Matron of Honor that she kinda declared herself that without really thinking about what she’s supposed to do with that title. She cannot act like your Maid/Matron of Honor so she cannot be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Make sense? It’ll probably hurt her feelings, but hopefully she’ll understand. Remember it’s YOUR day. YOU and your Fiance should be happy, when you look back you want to remember the right people playing the right roles in your wedding. It may cause a bit of a stir right now, but you’ll be glad you did in the end. Hope this helps. :/ Good luck!
Post # 4
“citing that a friend of hers just got divorced so all wedding talk just depresses her.”
People can feel however they want, but the way I’d look at it is “One of my friends is getting married, so weddings make me happy!” Y’know, since she’s your MOH(????) and all.
I say just go with co-MOHs and let her do as little or as much as she wants, and explain the situation to the more reliable girl.
Post # 5
@Baimee: Thank you!! That statement really bothered me! I understood that her friend just got divorced but I’m still getting married so she should be happy for me.
The only thing I did ask of her was if she could come home this summer to pick out bridesmaids dresses. She goes to school 5 hours away and her family still lives here, so at some point she has to visit her family anyway. The main reason I wanted to get her to come here for that is because we are hoping we can get a discount because we are buying so many dresses at one time. I don’t think I’m wrong in thinking that the maid of honor should be more involved than the bridesmaids, only because that’s supposed to be your best friend and they should be interested, at the very least. Her plans for marriage are to slap me in a hot pink dress (not my color) and have me drive to St. Augustine, FL (about a 15 hour drive for me) and pay to stay in a hotel for 3 days which I will gladly do because I love her but she acts like she doesn’t want to hear about the wedding and she’s uninterested in even talking about possible bachelorette parties (or bridal showers) and I do know its far off but I only asked her because other people asked. AHHH! Now I’m just venting.
@little_cricket: Thank you for your advice! When I brought this up to my fiance he immediately jumped at it and said “I’ll call her right now and tell her she’s out of the wedding” which told me ALOT. I don’t want her out of the wedding but ugh! It does seem like even since she apologized, all of our conversations are stilted and awkward, even if they aren’t about the wedding.