(Closed) bridesmaids

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t know about the talking behind the backs thing…but I know that when I first started talking about my wedding none of my BMs were excited. The closer it got and the more wedding-like things we had to do they got more excited! They probably weren’t that excited until we went dress shopping for them…now they are planning my shower and they jumped at it they were so excited. I think that maybe as your wedding date gets closer they might get more excited. 

Post # 5
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

That’s really mean that they’re saying things like that behind your back! If they don’t want to support you, maybe you should releive them of their duties and get different bridesmaids (or just don’t have any at all)

Post # 6
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t worry about their lack of excitement when the wedding is a year away. But talking behind your back… are you sure? I mean how do you know? Because these should be your closest friends, which means you should trust them more than the person who’s been telling you they’re saying mean things.

Post # 7
31 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

@ryanbride2013:  Wow, I got your post to my reply in another thread and your friends come across like ‘mean girls’…I don’t know what to say to that, I know I can irritate my friends but they are ‘tell it like it is’ types and I’m real about my irritating factor. I CAN be bossy but all my girls come straight out and tell me to my face when I’ve crossed the line and theyve told me that if they thought I was being malicious that they wouldnt tolerate me. All my girls are strong and down to earth. I’m curious like some of the other bees, how youre hearing these comments your girls are making….

Ive only been in 2 weddings but I’ve gone along with what the brides wanted. The 1st was a wedding for my friend when we were 19. We were young and it was small. I was an amateur makeup artist and she was my guinea pig, she really didnt even know what she wanted and she wasnt into fashion or makeup so she was pretty thrilled with the fuss I made over her and was very easy to please. She let me pick my own bridesmaids dress provided I paid for it and I was so young I didnt care, I WANTED to do it ALL! haha how things have changed!

The 2nd wedding I was in was a year ago and was VERY untraditional. The bride is now my flaky bridesmaid and it bites but as I said, I’m gonna suck it up, be a good sport, take her at her word and give her another try. She had TWELVE bridesmaids and the theme was pin up hula girls. NOT as tacky as you’d think actually. It was THEE most FUN wedding I’ve ever been too. I was the makeup artist/hair stylist for 1/2 the girls. 6 girls is ALOT. She had us all in hot pink brazilian bikinis and ti leaf skirts and I worked out like a MOTHER to get into that thing. I didnt even know which side was the front! haha

Her Mother-In-Law wanted her to be in a big foofy ball gown and had her in tears when Mother-In-Law finally caved and ‘helped’ her by going out and buying a hideous bolt of fabric and dropping it in her lap. She was hysterical when she told me about it and with less than a month to go before the date, so I just told her to calm down and if she told me what she wanted, I’d go out and buy quality fabrics and design something. I bought satin, sheer silk and ribbon and sewed a sarong style skirt with a split up the leg and corset lacing from thigh to hip. I used the satin as the base fabric and layered the sheer silk over it and finished the edge of both with white ribbon. It had a slight mermaid train and was beautiful. I paid for it and gave it to her as a wedding gift. She cried when she saw it and that was more than enough for me so I cant imagine why your bridesmaids wouldnt want to make you happy on your day….

Ive never complained with what I was given in either set of circumstances because it was kind of understood by me at least that when I accepted, I was at their mercy but they are my FRIENDS so its not like they were torturing me by involving me, some chicks act like theyre divas that cant be bothered! Hell, I was just happy that the girls who picked me, even thought of me. Now that its my turn I decided to keep my wedding party VERY small. I have 2 girls total. My Maid/Matron of Honor is not into fashion but my 2nd bridesmaid is. I consulted BOTH of them. My main concern is for both to look good and be happy. I don’t want anyone to look dumpy or put a tomboy in a Barbie nightmare, but that can be difficult when you get beyond 2 or 3 girls. I made considerations for both their body types and sent various pictures of dresses until we agreed on a dress style. What I came back with, they BOTH loved and are considering wearing it to parties and other events so I did good!

You cant and wont please everyone and I was resigned to that fact before I began but I think that if you’re making a good effort to involve your girls and ALL they can do is complain about what they DONT like, thats not very constructive. Maybe they don’t feel like they CAN tell you to your face??? I’am VERY direct and so are my girls but like I said, we try not to make things personal or take things that way. I’m not mad at my girl because she cant or wont do this with me, its more that she cant or wont TELL me that gets me upset because I feel like IM gonna be the bad guy no matter what. My bridesmaid can be sensitive, like once I accidentally hung up on her while she was crying and she thought I did it on purpose but I called her back and she called me a ‘d**k’. I laughed but I apologized profusely and told her I didnt do it on purpose. Ive just never seen her flaky like this and yes I’am worried about her more than my wedding but the famous cliche about the horse and water fits perfectly because I can call her till the cows come home but if she dont pick up, theres not much else I CAN do….and regardless of how worried Iam about her, my wedding IS gonna happen on the day I have booked and theres nothing I can do about that either.

In your case perhaps there is maybe ONE girl that is on your side or your good friend and maybe you can get together with her and without being defensive figure out why your girls are ‘turning’ on you. Play the aggrieved party, youll get more from that end than vinegar. Beleive me, I had to take a SERIOUS chill pill before I faced my girl last night. Underneath it all, I was more hurt than anything but relay that as well. Perhaps a mutual friend can serve as a go-between/liaison. But be ready for what she may tell you. I have at times had to suck it up and ask straight out if I was being a b**ch and own up….but I think you know up front if youre honest with yourself when youve gone too far. If you genuinely can’t figure out why the girls are acting this way, perhaps you may want to take a good hard look at who youve surrounded yourself with….I generally get along with girls who DONT get along with girls, precisely because we DONT pull any punches and we hate gossipy cr*p. Also, did they volunteer their services or did you tell them that you wanted THEM in your wedding? I only ask these things because I don’t know the circumstances, only you do.

My Maid/Matron of Honor is great, shes very humble and never expects anything and even asked who my maid of honor was when I showed her her dress. I told her “YOU! You dumb **s!” LOL you can just feel the love right? We ARE like sisters, its terrible. She said ‘OH, Oh my god! I’m honored, I’ll have to google this and find out whats involved!’. Shes cute. My wedding is a year away as well but I think my friends know me, I’am a consummate planner and a stickler for details. They just stay out of my way because theres not much for them to do.  I sewed my own gown/skirt petticoat for my red queen outfit and made my own gold wire crown with ruby red swarovski crystals and pearls for Halloween one year and was a convincing Medusa complete with handpainted scales on my face, fangs and miniature poseable snakes bended into an up do and again, sewed my own forest green toga paired with python patterened stockings for the next so you can see how ‘involved’ I get but I do this stuff on my own, I prefer not to be ‘helped’. Not a lot of people are patient or imaginative when it comes to creating or brainstorming unless its their own gig they’re planning for. My bridesmaid is nuts about planning my bachelorette party (that I don’t even want but will be MORE than happy to attend and appreciate just because shes put the effort into it) I don’t really WANT a big to do but see if what I suggest works and go from there. Best of luck to you!

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