(Closed) Bridesmaid's 21st Birthday on The Day Before The Wedding

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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polarbears6:  

just tell her

“oh, I didn’t realize it was her birthday. And her 21st too, how lovely. Unfortunately Fiance and I will have too much on our hands to host any additional events, but we’ll do our best to find time to show up if someone else hosts something, and we’ll be sure to wish her our best!  of course, as you know, we’ll have our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner that night, so it might be impossible for us to celebrate her birthday with her that day.”

If you catch wind that they’re excluding your family from your rehearsal, just let them know that you understand where they’re coming from but unfortunately it’s not acceptable that people attending the rehearsal be excluded from the rehearsal dinner. Be ready to host the dinner yourself if they won’t budge, as unfortunately while it’d be incredible rude of them to do that, you can’t control the actions of others.  Unless they say something to the effect that they will exclude your family, I wouldn’t operate on that assumption.  If you want to be sure they won’t, or bring up the subject so you can tackle it now rather than later, simply ask her when she would like the final guest count for your side of the family for the rehearsal, and the address and time for you to tell your family, or something along those lines.

Post # 3
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s very odd that her mom expected you guys–her daughter’s cousin and his fiancee–to host her daughter’s birthday party, especially the night before your wedding. What exactly is stopping the birthday girl from going out with friends and celebrating before or after the rehearsal dinner? You can gift her a nice bottle of booze or some other birthday gift when you see her at the dinner.

Post # 4
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

What does your Bridesmaid or Best Man want for her birthday? Im guessing you are somewhat close if she is your Bridesmaid or Best Man, so you could just talk to her.. i suppose she might say she doesn’t mind when she really does,  but its a start.

Post # 5
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

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polarbears6:  Asking you to host a separate 21st birthday party the day before your wedding is a BIG ask. I would just tell your FAIL (hahahaha) that you are way too swamped to plan anything additional and reiterate your idea of singing and having a birthday cake for your FI’s cousin at your Rehearsal Dinner. Maybe also have an extra dessert brought out to her at the wedding or have the venue staff place a candle in her slice of cake.

Also, I’m with the bee who isn’t sure why your FAIL is emailing you to set this up instead of her own son, the birthday girl’s actual cousin. Yes, she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man so I’m assuming you’re close to her, but your Fiance is her relative. Sounds a little eye-roll-worthy all around, and the poor girl would probably be mortified if she knew what her aunt was up to.

Post # 6
Member
6233 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with the first poster as to what you can tell them.  At the same time, I never got into that “OMG, I’m 21” mindset.  If I were her, I’d wait until the following weekend and celebrate with my friends then.  Heck, I didn’t have a drink for 6 months after my 21st bday.  I can’t imagine she’s really dreaming of a night with her family while she gets wasted.  But obviously that aspect of it is her choice.  Just bow out of hosting (wtf?) and whatever happens, happens.

Post # 8
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

My nieces bday was the day of our wedding. She turned 12. We ordered her her very own mini-cake and sang her happy bday but that was it. I wouldn’t think you’d need to do anything more.

Post # 9
Member
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Who is hosting the rehersal dinner? I wouldn’t allow the guest list to change but would happily get a cake for her. However if they are hosting the Rehearsal Dinner they get a say in who is invited.

Post # 12
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Couldn’t her mom host a birthday lunch or something, if it’s important to do it on the actual day of her birthday?  I agree with what the others have said, it’s a weird request, I think it would be generous to have a cake and sing happy birthday at the rehersal dinner, but that’s all I would do.  You have way too much on your hands.

Post # 13
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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polarbears6:  I find the whole thing weird and I think your plan to get her a cake and sing to her is lovely. That is all you have to do. She can celebrate the weekend before or after. No big deal. 

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