- 4 years ago
My wedding was this past June 11th and it was beautiful and I had a great time! But I really need to vent about what happened with my maid of honor and other bridesmaids…
I had 5. A maid of honor (my BFF of 15+ years), a matron of honor (my big sister), my fiance’s sister, my brother’s girlfriend, and another good friend of mine. BFF was advised that she would be splitting her duties with my big sis, and up until the rehearsal she apparently didn’t realize the extent of “splitting the duties”. She was super offended that I chose to have my sister hold my bouquet and fluff my dress when I stand at the end of the aisle, and promptly got drunk at the rehearsal dinner. I didn’t know this until after the dinner I went to talk to her (she was going to spend the night w/ me in the hotel) and my good friend stopped me. “BFF is upset,” she said. “She’s very hurt by what you did, giving the bouquet duties to your sister instead of her. She doesn’t want to talk to you, and she will not be spending the night at the hotel.”
Now, what I should have done was go “OK. Remind her to be there at 8 sharp for the hairdresser. And since you let her drink 6 glasses of wine, YOU get to drive her home!” and ignored it. Instead, I walked over to my mother and began sobbing. My mom guided me out of the restaurant as I was in hysterics, and I saw my BFF in the parking lot throwing a fit. My mom went over to talk to her, and eventually I went over too, sobbing still. Mom made us hug, but BFF kept going on about “how could you do this to me?” “you’re my only friend!” “I’m supposed to hold your bouquet!” “You didn’t tell me she was going to do so much!” “She was supposed to be matron of honor in name only!”
My good friend joined us in the hotel and agreed with my drunken BFF. “Communication is important Staz,” she said. “You really hurt BFF with what you did.” Honestly I didn’t think having my big sister stand next to me was some big infraction on the girl code. My sister had done more throughout the process anyway but when I relayed this to my BFF and good friend, they simply said that because I didn’t give better guidance, it was my fault. I lowered my head and let them berate me instead of saying “Hey. She’s my SISTER. If I want her to hold my bouquet, that’s my right as the bride. Get over it. It’s not about you, it’s about me and Aaron.” But I was afraid of being a bridezilla, and I didn’t want them to not show up at the wedding.
The next morning, BFF berated me further, mocked the price of the veil my sister bought me, and claimed she felt I was “bullied” in to making my sister matron of honor. I lowered my head and secretly begged for the hairdresser to show up.
At the reception, it was time for toasts! My sister made a lovely speech about how in sync my new husband and I were, and told a story about when we were little, and how I’ve become a grown woman. there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
Then BFF’s turn. Here is the toast she gave.
“When I first met Staz, I wanted to punch her in the face. Now we are best friends. I’m so happy for you, good luck and I wish you a long happy marriage.”
Yeah. There go all the tears. I knew she’d be nervous, and it’s true – when we first met we fought, but like… come on. My friends were mortified, my family didn’t get it. Thankfully the best man did the last toast and all was well again.
I really let BFF get away with a lot and I should have shut her down a lot sooner. I haven’t confronted her on how she made me feel yet. Not sure I ever will.
My lesson is this: I should have put myself and my fiance first. WE paid for this, WE planned this, and it was a celebration of US. If you have a maid who is being a maidzilla, SHUT HER DOWN.
Ok. I feel better. I’ll make another post soon about my wedding as a whole, there were plenty of ups and downs, but mostly ups!