Post # 1
Odd situation here. Originally, my Maid/Matron of Honor offered to plan my bachelorette party. We’re in DC and want to go to NYC for a long weekend. However, according to my Maid/Matron of Honor, one of my other bridesmaids (let’s call her B) stepped in and said *she* wanted to plan it — according to Maid/Matron of Honor, she kind of insisted on it.
Last weekend, my future SIL asked when the party would be so she could plan ahead with days off, etc. I said I’d get in touch with Maid/Matron of Honor to ask (this was before I knew that B had apparently decided to take this on herself).
Maid/Matron of Honor filled me in on what B wanted to do — apparently, B was supposed to talk to me about it a while ago, but never did. So I sent an e-mail to B just checking in with her, seeing if she had done any planning yet.
Here’s the thing … B now lives in California (not that you can’t plan from there, but everybody else is around DC), and she told me yesterday that she doesn’t even think she’ll be coming to the bachelorette party! So I am a bit puzzled why somebody would want to plan an event that she won’t even be able to attend.
I don’t want to slam B in any way because she is a wonderful friend. I know she has the best of intentions, but that sometimes her "good intentions" go awry, especially since she isn’t here with the rest of us every day to talk about all this stuff. Another thing is that I fear that while my Maid/Matron of Honor would be fine with going along with whatever I want to do with this party, B can sometimes tend to interject her own "wants" into the situation. Although, since she won’t be there, perhaps that won’t be the case. But I really don’t know.
Anyway … I’m trying to figure out a tactful way to tell B that I think it would be best for Maid/Matron of Honor to handle the bachelorette party. I know B is just trying to stay "included" and I don’t want to make her feel left out (sometimes it’s easy to hurt her feelings), but I just think this is a recipe for trouble.
Post # 3
Sticky situation but I think you easily have your Maid/Matron of Honor tell B that while she totally appreciates her help, since she isn’t sure if she can make it yet, Maid/Matron of Honor will take the lead on this one. I wouldn’t say anything to B about it until Maid/Matron of Honor tells her she isnt planning it anymore. Then ask her to do something else…just tell her how much it meant to you that she wanted to take charge but since she cant this time around would she mind doing…xyz
Since she’s out of town I would suggest asking her to take care of brunch the morning of your wedding (if you’re having an evening one). Ask her to bring mimosa’s and breakfast food to where ever you’re getting dressed. If she’s coming into town for your shower perhaps she can take charge of an aspect of that (games, centerpeices, dessert etc).
Post # 4
B said she still wanted to plan it even though she’s not going? Maybe I’m just a bad person so I’m reading this wrong, but maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t want to plan it and she’s trying to hand it off to B.
Post # 5
I know its customary for the Maid/Matron of Honor to plan the bachelorette and shower events, but can’t they throw it together? So its not just one person planning?
I think that is what my ladies are doing (and I encourage it!) and maybe you can suggest that they work together instead of just one person take charge. And find out if your Maid/Matron of Honor minds that B is doing it, or prefers it?
I’d be concerned, too, considering she didn’t tell you about her not being able to make it until you called her to ask.
Maybe you can talk to B and say something like, "Thank you for planning the bachelorette for me even though you cannot make it. Even though, I hope you change your mind and decide to come. Perhaps you can share the planning with the Maid/Matron of Honor so that it will be easier, in the event you still cannot make it."
Post # 6
Thanks all for your advice. I talked to Maid/Matron of Honor about my concerns. We’re seeing each other Friday and we’ll talk about it a little more then.
I know for a fact that Maid/Matron of Honor is *not* trying to get out of planning the party. That’s just not like her at all and she is very, very much a planner (and very good at it). She threw an engagement party for us before she even knew I wanted her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, just because she wanted to celebrate the occasion with our friends and family.
I’m feeling a little better about it now, but we’ll see how it goes. My Fiance agrees that Maid/Matron of Honor should approach B about taking over the planning because there would probably be less hard feelings that way.